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Here are my random thoughts on going back to work this week. I know teachers don’t get a ton of sympathy from the PGP crowd, but just hear me out and don’t judge too harshly.
Things I should be thinking:
- I should probably go into school early this week and work. It will make a good impression on my principal.
- I need to go to that teacher supply store and spend half my paycheck on things the school should already be buying.
- Being planned and prepared early in the year would be great. I should start going into school toward the middle of July to prepare my lessons and units.
- I’m going to research my new standards tonight instead of Pinteresting because the humor section always distracts me.
- I really should get those bulletin boards up early.
Things I actually think before going back to school:
- Damn it. I won’t be able to sleep in ’til 10:00 A.M. anymore. Looks like I will be back to 6:00 A.M. alarms and 11:00 P.M. evenings.
- Are my students being tested this year? Yep, they are. I’m actually going to have to be twice as effective as usual.
- This will suck. Another nine months before I can drink on weekdays.
- I should rephrase that. Another nine months before I can get blacked out on weekdays.
- I wonder whom I will have in my class this year. I hope I don’t have that kid who spit on Miss McKay last year.
- Do I really need to go in early? Nah, I’ll be fine with what I have. I work better last-minute anyway.
- No more afternoon naps for this girl. You can’t pull a Costanza in a classroom full of thirteen-year-olds.
- Seriously. Goodbye, wine seven nights a week. Hello, one or two craft beers after hours of grading essays on my sofa.
- This shit is not fair. Summer went by too fast. I am not mentally prepared for this.
- Thank you graduate school for absolutely ruining my June and thank you waitressing for absolutely ruining my July.
- I need to let my other job know I will only be working on once a week. Man, losing that extra money is really going to suck.
- Maybe I should just apply for another job. I wouldn’t get hired because, besides teaching middle school, I have no other marketable skills.
- Do I really need to get a lesson plan book? I’ve been doing this for years. I’ve got this.
- This will be the easiest year yet. I mean, I just got my master’s degree, so I really should know what I’m doing. I definitely don’t need to go in early or plan early or really plan my lessons at all. I can just wing it.
- Okay, since my tanning membership is on hold, I have to lay out like every day this week. You know, celebrate the end right. Just like I did senior year in college when I never had class on Fridays. God, those were the days.
- Why do we have to go back so early? Can’t I go back on the same day as my students? I’m not going to pay attention in these meetings.
- I should probably go to Target and stock up.
- Oh, God. I just spent $300. Why do I need a $200 vacuum cleaner?
- Well, I better drink all of the wine and vodka I have so they won’t be a distraction during the school year. That seems like a solid Monday night.
- Okay, time to go to the parents’ house and go through all of the teaching crap I have there to get what I need for the year. I am so glad I spent $1,000 on documentaries from the History Channel. They really have come in handy on days when I’m hungover.
- Now I have to put on real pants instead of wearing Nike running shorts everyday.
- WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING GO BACK TO WORK? MY LIFE WAS FUCKING PERFECT!
In short, when you are talking to a teacher this week and they say asinine things like, “I can’t wait to go back to work!” or “I’m so excited to meet my students this year!”, odds are that they are lying through their teeth. Who in their right mind actually wants to go back to work after a two-month vacation? Crazy people, that’s who. On a side note, looks like I better start lesson planning.