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If you haven’t had your head buried in an US Weekly trying to figure what happened at Kim and Kanye’s wedding, you know that Twitter was taken by storm these past few days by the hashtag #YesAllWomen. The hashtag came to fruition after the weekend’s senseless tragedy committed by a troubled and overwhelmingly creepy individual (whose name I refuse to use as it does not deserve to be remembered). It has since been attached to over 1.5 million tweets, and is increasing at an exponential rate. Women from around world have contributed their thoughts under one banner highlighting a societal problem that is as far-reaching as it is disturbing. It wasn’t until I really started to peel back the layers of this, albeit incredibly stinky and complex, onion that I started to realize what the movement was really about, and the impact it should have on both genders. Let’s start from the beginning.
Discovering #YesAllWomen
Like most of us, I saw the news reports of the atrocities that occurred in Santa Barbara, and felt the sadness we all probably felt. It’s an indescribable pit in your stomach that makes you hang your head. For lack of a better term, it’s a total and absolute tragedy. However, it wasn’t until Monday night as I was scrolling through a mess of weekend tweets that I noticed Catie Warren feverishly tweeting out using the hashtag #YesAllWomen. “OK, I’ll bite”, I thought to myself as I started to paw through what was already 500k worth of tweets. Anyone who knows me will tell you, that when it comes to the Twittersphere, very little happens there that I am not compelled to learn and read about obsessively, at least until it becomes socially irrelevant anyway. This was something different, there was more going on here.
Initial Reactions
I found myself experiencing a wide range of emotions, but out of the gates, I was angry. Angry because I felt as though I was being lashed out against even though I had done nothing wrong. I couldn’t believe some of the hate that was being put forth. These women were angry. Like, viscerally pissed off. On some level, I understood that this was the internet and by that virtue it’s basically a breeding ground for anger and opinions without accountability, and I should have taken it with a grain of salt. Instead, I got angry, too. I have spent my whole life viewing women as nothing but equals because that’s how I was raised. I had 3 sisters growing up, two of which were older, and anyone in that boat knows that if there isn’t the utmost respect there, you WILL NOT be happy. Not to mention my father had a zero tolerance policy for any sort of violence, be it physical or verbal, toward them as I was growing up. So why the hell was I essentially being blamed? I had never considered a woman property. I had never hit a woman. I don’t even think I am capable of doing something like that. So, naturally I started to view this as a feminist, man-hater movement with no bearing on my life. Their anger is so misdirected, I thought. How fair is it, that the actions of one guy can bring down the wrath of an entire gender on people who are unsuspecting and, for all intents and purposes, innocent? So for two days I stomped around my office rolling my eyes every time someone brought it up. I’m not saying it was right, but it was what I did. The whole time, however, I kept reading the tweets. Trying to get a grasp on where all this anger was coming from. When it finally dawned on me that I had been looking at this completely wrong and in a self-serving fashion, I sat down and started writing this.
My Conclusion
While some of the tweets attached to the hashtag are, without a doubt, hateful and without basis, the majority are outlining a massive inequality in how we view each other as humans. I realized that, while some of what I was looking at was definitely offensive and said for shock value, to live in a world where a woman would have to stop and think about saying something because it might offend some men doesn’t exactly sound like the Land of the Free, it sounds like North Korea. The deeper I dove into the conversation I thought about future generations and how I would want to show my daughter someday these writings of women who decided that enough was enough, as well as the story behind it. Then I came to realize that it would be far more important for me to save these tweets and show them to my son (if and when I have one) because that really what this whole thing is about. It’s about highlighting an inequality that is so prevalent in everyday life it’s almost like it’s not even there. It’s about how we are the same, but unique at the same time and unfortunately, I don’t think the English language has word for that.
That being said, be patient with us, ladies. Most men are good and want exactly what you want for yourselves, even though it may take a while for some, but not all, of us to fully understand what that is. I support #YesAllWomen movement, but at the same time fully realize that is a small step toward a daunting end goal that’s going to take a collaborative effort across genders to complete. Ironically, appears that the exact opposite has happened from what this nut job had intended. He set out to punish and destroy women, but in actuality, he awakened a sleeping giant.
Respond
cmckeon
New England transplant to Atlanta by way of Tallahassee, Florida. An FSU grad, he has been known to drink several cold Natural Lights on school days and enjoys well timed ginger jokes.
@cmckeon15
Well articulated, I do agree most men support equality, but I still think you are going to be eaten alive for this because this movement is creating a much looser definition of “misogyny.” That creates a problem in and of itself, because men who support equality are being called misogynists for the smallest of statements, which is why there was a backlash against the hashtag.
This was awesome. Great job.
damnit he is handsome…
“Women are constantly patting themselves on the back about how difficult their lives are, and no one corrects ’em, cuz they wanna fuck ’em!” -Bill Burr
This quote is so much win.
Thank you so much for writing this. So many men had the same initial reaction as you did, which was to get defensive and say ‘But I’m not that guy!’, but they didn’t take the time to really think about the message women were/are trying to send. This quote from a Slate article on the subject really stuck out to me, and I think is something every guy should read:
“When a woman is walking down the street, or on a blind date, or, yes, in an elevator alone, she doesn’t know which group you’re in. You might be the potential best guy ever in the history of history, but there’s no way for her to know that. A fraction of men out there are most definitely not in that group. Which are you? Inside your head you know, but outside your head it’s impossible to. This is the reality women deal with all the time.”
Hilarious. Wouldn’t you feel a hell of a lot better if you had a handgun in your purse and were properly trained on how to use it in all of those situations? Yet suggesting that gets downvoted to hell when it is a very easy and very practical solution.
Instead it seems that people think it is easier to change the mindsets of psychopaths who have lost all touch with reality. It appears it is just easier to hate on men, than accept the fact that a percentage of them mean to do you harm and take steps to protect yourselves from that reality.
Or people could just teach their sons not to harm women, ever. It’s not just psychopaths like Rodgers that hurt women–women are hurt and abused by men they know much more often than men they don’t know. We should be teaching against violence, rather than having everyone resort to it.
Of course people should be taught to respect everyone all the time. But there are 7 billion people in the world and some aren’t going to listen. Thinking everyone will avoid hurting other people is a complete and utter fantasy. So while it is important to try and teach people, you also need to prepare for those that didn’t get the message and learn to protect yourself.
We can work on both fronts – women protecting themselves and men holding men and boys accountable for their bad actions, not excusing it or tossing the idea aside as “complete and utter fantasy”. Give yourselves some credit.
Too many times I have heard men commenting on my walking alone at night – these good men who don’t intend to harm me, still seem to feel I don’t have the right to choose to walk alone. They have been brainwashed by the “awareness campaigns” for women – they have heard the same messaging over so many times, that now the fault is going completely on the woman if she chooses to walk alone, and gets attacked – well, she got what she deserved. Who did she think she was, walking alone after dark?
(for the record, I haven’t been attacked…but I’m a single lady with a dog and the dog needs to walk, so we walk. I don’t like being told I have no right to expect to walk safely. Men have threatened me because I’m alone, because I’m pretty, because I should know better, because I should be taught a lesson.)
It’s not like guys can’t get randomly attacked either, I was jumped on campus walking to my car and am over 6ft tall and fit. Bat shit crazy people just don’t care. I got lucky, but so did he, my gun was in the car because you can’t have it on campus — “safer” that way, for the crims.
Nailed it, man. Good work.
The best way for women to protect themselves is to conceal carry and be trained on how to use a firearm. Arm everyone and watch crime (mainly against women) drop through the floor.
I agree. The bad guys aren’t going anywhere, and they care about gender equality about as much as they care about the law. Train your mother, wife, and daughter(s).
if only Women(people in general) were allowed to concealed carry in all states. I’ve been trained, but living in DC my guns are kept in a totally different part of the country, they’re no good to me there
That’s rough. DC gun laws are horrible.
The point is women shouldn’t have to carry a gun to feel protected. That’s kind of a huge part of this movement. People have been using the idea of ‘protect yourself from being attacked’ instead of fixing the problem.
I’m not saying carrying a gun is a bad idea, but the problem is much larger than just carrying a weapon. Women shouldn’t have to go out of their way to protect themselves anymore. They shouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. That’s what this movement is about.
Of course these things shouldn’t happen, but they do. This isn’t a fantasy land. There are evil people in the world and there always will be. You either prepare for them, or you bury your head in the sand and hope they don’t come knocking on your door.
Bosley gets it. Too many people are continuing to live in a fantasy world and are claiming “everything SHOULD be perfect, people SHOULD be taught not to harm others.” But this isn’t the case, and won’t be for a very long time. It’s easy to say how a perfect society without violence or hate should exist and everyone should feel the same way, but there are still, and will continue to be, evil and violent people in the world who will refuse to change or accept the “utopian society” way of thinking. Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble. I dislike violence and hatred as much as the next guy and wish it would just simply end too, but to believe this will happen because of a twitter hashtag or because some people on the internet want it to is just foolish and unrealistic.
I refuse to bury my head in the sand in the same way that I refuse to be forced to take someone’s life with a gun to protect myself while doing normal, average, activities. Just because I may acquire a CCW doesn’t mean I’ll be able to live with myself if I maim or kill someone out of self-defense. Why does it have to come down to that? It’s not okay for me to have to decide to drive to an empty home or to the nearest police station at night because I politely refused a drink from a gentleman at a restaurant and he not only followed me out but continued to follow me in his car, as well? Why should I have to cover myself up to cut the grass in 80 degree heat so I don’t get unwanted catcalls but guys can do the same chore with only shorts on? Why , when I’m trying to defend a point, am I seen as ‘bitchy’ when a man is seen as ‘passionate’? Things are not perfect, nor will they ever be, but boys should be raised to respect women regardless of circumstance. Not because men are the stronger gender, but because we ARE the weakest. A gun isn’t going to fix a mentality, it’s just a band aid to a long-festering belief that had been inflated even more after WWII and still silently promoted to this day.
“Just because I may acquire a CCW doesn’t mean I’ll be able to live with myself if I maim or kill someone out of self-defense.” ….. so you’d rather not live at all? Because that is the situation that is being discussed; where you are in a situation where you are either going to die or defend yourself.
“It’s not okay for me to have to decide to drive to an empty home or to the nearest police station at night because I politely refused a drink from a gentleman at a restaurant and he not only followed me out but continued to follow me in his car, as well? ” And no one is saying it is okay. However, it does happen and to kid yourself into thinking “well it’s not okay for this to happen so I’ll just assume it won’t happen” is just foolish and unsafe.
You seem to be arguing against a straw man here. No one is claiming any of those things are right or okay or justifiable. However, we are all acknowledging that they happen. And to live in denial is not going to help anyone, especially the potential victims. The whole point is to just be prepared for the worse beforehand, so you can’t prevent an incidence from happening and not have to deal with the trauma afterward.
Most, if not all boys are raised to respect women; some don’t get the message. Can’t fix stupid
I completely agree InsD, and it’s a damn shame that not everybody can share this same mentality. Some people just weren’t raised the same way, and they’re the ones that are committing the violent crimes and abusing women. Hopefully something more permanent is done in our society to change “the way it is,” but unfortunately all we have until then is protection and defense.
I don’t think there are a whole lot of people who disagree with the idea that everyone, men and women, should be taught at a young age that everyone deserves respect. The problem is the people who ignore that message, and those are the same people out there we see being violent. Unfortunately, those people are always going to be out there no matter what we do. In the end, violence is part of humanity and we need to take all the steps we can to minimize the violence these disgusting people can bring upon us.
I believe weapons have been proven to be more often used against the victim – thereby upping the violence. Instead of just being raped, you may be raped and murdered.
Source?.
4 out of the 6 he killed were men. If you read that kids true plan, it was very disturbing. He wanted to turn his house into a torture chamber after killing his roommates to lure people in to flay and decapitate, then burn down a sorority house, then kill his little brother and step mom and finally going on a rampage. It was truly one of the most disturbing things I ever read.
I didn’t (and won’t) read it. I almost watched his YouTube video last night but closed the page. I’m not gonna give that sick fuck the satisfaction of having one more view.
First off, I was unaware that the hashtag started because of SC. I am pretty disgusted that the tragedy that occurred on the weekend has been hijacked for this reason. No one has talked about how he had Asperger’s and Autism and the impact this had on his line of thinking.
In reality it’s pretty self-centred to take this event and make it about this. And I am fairly disgusted with the majority of people who have participated for ignoring the real issues of mental illness and it’s impact on the person and society.
On top of that the majority of the tweets are so ridiculous it isn’t funny. For example “Men being the ones to decide what makes a woman beautiful”. The majority of the population is heterosexual, so no shit that men will be the driving force behind what is considered beautiful in a woman. IT’S CALLED ATTRACTION! And it doesn’t stop with physical looks, which this tweet would have you believe. Also, are the women who think this placing blame on lesbians as well, who would also be responsible for this apparent problem? Of course not. Nor do they recognise that women and gay men decide what makes men attractive, or that men don’t complain at all about that.
I am not saying they isn’t inequality in the world. There certainly is. But most of the tweets I saw (and it was quite a few, because everyone thought it was a good idea to jump on the band wagon), at least half of them were so hypocritical it was laughable. I could honestly count on one hand, out the extremely large number of males that I know, who could be considered sexist. But hey, according to militant feminists, the extreme minority is an indicator of the entire population.
Yeah, they’re making this a woman vs men thing, when really the guy had aspergers which led to his sociopathic behavior.
Autism doesn’t “lead” to sociopathic behavior. He was a mentally unstable individual, regardless of any underlying social problems.
His autism made him feel like a social outcast. He saw women as a status symbol to make him fit in. He grew obsessed and became a sociopath as he continued to fail in attracting women. I was not implying autism=sociopath, I was talking about his instance. So shut up.
I suppose it’s a chicken or egg situation. Is sociopathy a symptom of him being a social outcast, or was he a social outcast because he was a sociopath? Personally I think it’s the latter, you don’t just “become” a mentally unstable person except in extreme circumstances. If we look back he was probably odd even as a child, some people just aren’t all there mentally. Anyway, I get what you meant, just wasn’t very happy with how you worded it.
The real problem was the Asperger’s, which made it hard for him to deal with emotion. He probably felt like an outcast from a very young age. That much time feeling like an outcast could very well lead to sociopathic tendencies.
My main point stands, this isn’t about feminism in anyway. it’s about mental issues. But I will (and have by certain women I know) been called a woman hater and sexists because I have called turning this into a dialogue about feminism and so called equality as self centred. Even though I don’t have a sexist bone in my body.
I don’t think the twitter #YesAllWomen storm was related to the SC murderer directly. His utube manifesto video was online and the comments section included a bunch douches saying that none of this would have happened if those “dumb b88ches” had just “given him sum”.
If there was a feminist agenda to hijack a cause, there are lots of other mass killings of women to choose from.
This wasn’t a reaction to his crime spree, but to the online sentiment that accompanied it, and the everyday sexist comments and actions that women, Yes All Women, experience.
If that is the case, I could make a campaign about anything based off internet comments. Does anyone really feel internet comments are a true reflection of society? Of course not. It’s still selfish to hijack this tragedy for this purpose. And if this was a male orientated discussion that originated from the same circumstances, it would be viewed as being disgusting, as opposed to uplifting.
Hypocrites are the worse kind of person. Regardless of gender.