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The other day I tweeted this gem of a thought:
Every twenty-something I know is working on either a book proposal, social media fame, or a truly nasty hangover. Or if you're me, all 3.
— Kendra Syrdal (@kendrasyrdal) September 28, 2015
And while it was not only meant to be funny and hopefully rack up some faves, I genuinely think it’s true. If you aren’t obsessed with getting more Twitter or Instagram followers, it’s probably because you’re busy being offline, and yes, I fully recognize that you are better than the rest of us who are developing carpal tunnel in our wrists from typing all the time. If you aren’t working on a book proposal, it’s probably because you don’t have any ideas. If you aren’t hungover well… good for you.
But me? I’m (almost) always working on all three. I am a shameless self-promoter when it comes to all social media, even my Instagram which I admittedly suck at. I fully check my Snapchat stats even though I don’t know what they mean. I think it is sacrilegious to not drink at brunch, and I am absolutely the kid who says, “I’m not really drinking tonight so I’ll just have a beer.”
And oh, yeah. I’m working on a book. Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to point you all to Amazon as soon as I am able.
But in writing a book, I’ve been faced with the hardest part. And no, that’s not actually getting it written although that is very daunting. That hardest part, my friends, is the title. A title is a tricky thing and can make or break your piece. We all can say, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” but that doesn’t mean we won’t. And what’s the main focus and part of the cover? The title.
While there are so many lonely abandoned fashion and food blogs out there like Calories and Cardigans or Basic Bitches and Brunch, there are also abandoned “quirky” book titles. They hit the deck never to see the shopping cart on a Kindle screen ever. Farewell, almost-titles. I’ll only miss you a little.
Dear Mom & Dad, Don’t Read This And Also Sorry
I’m Only Here For The Open Bar
I Think I Recognize You From Tinder
All Of The Drunk Texts I Never Should Have Sent
Yeah…I’m Funnier On Twitter
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
Netflix And Deeply Unchill
Your Mom (probably hated me)
Never Have I Ev…Wait I Take That Back Yes I Have
Sorry For Stealing Your In & Out When I Was Drunk
Sorry For What I Said When I Was Drunk
Sorry. Just Sorry.
All Of The Good Ones Are Gay
What’s Your Wifi Password? A Millennial’s Journey To Never Pay For Internet
I Can’t Wait For My Exes To Panic When They See This
Parties, Postmates, And Plan B
And while those titles may be up for grabs, you’ll have to stay tuned for the actual title! Now where’s that beer… .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
Kendra Syrdal
Once in college John Cusack asked Kendra to sing for him. She said no. Visit her website to ogle at her face and send hate mail // kendrasyrdal.com
@kendrasyrdal
@kendrasyrdal
ksyrdal
“I make my parents wish they remembered to utilize birth control: The Kendra Syrdal Story”
“I’m such a mean person. The SingleMaltFiend Story”
Automatically skipping to the comments section of a Kendra article, then realizing it was just posted minutes ago, and there aren’t any comments yet. PGP.
I tried my hardest thank you very much 🙁
How I imagine the average conversation with Kendra goes:
I’m just going to go ahead and assume your “book” will also be poorly written and in the form of a list, like all of your columns.
3 reasons why I hate my life
1. Your comments are so mean 🙁
2. I failed English in college
3. Boys don’t like me
This is brutally awful. Can’t wait to see further comments.
“20 something years every millennial has lived through ranked” an autobiography
I don’t think you could pay me to read that book.
No one’s going to buy your book, no matter what you call it, because you’re a talentless hack.
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time is similar to the “you won’t do that”. I always would “do that” ranging from throwing the TV off the balcony to chugging a bottle of tequila, then flamethrower Exorcist style vomiting in front of my family. Pledge jousting with stolen Kroger shopping carts sure seemed like a good idea at the time..
“I Can’t Even Kendra…Read Your God Forsaken Lists/Articles.”