======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Kids are so weird. You never know what’s going to come out of their mouth which is both hilarious and frightening. Just total wild cards. So it should come as no surprise that when someone on Reddit asked, “Parents of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing you’ve caught your child doing?” that the answers were just as hilarious and frightening as the kids themselves.
For the entire thread, look no further. But these were the best of the best.
When my son was young, he would sleep walk a lot. There was one really weird instance in particular when we woke up to a noise and could not find him. We called out his name many times, but he never responded. I found him in the bathroom, behind the door. I asked what he was doing.. he just smiled and went back to bed.
I’d call that kid a psycho but I once came to wearing flannel pants and a blazer while drinking a glass of water. Sleepwalking is frightening.
I walked into the kitchen one day to see my 4 year old son cleaning the counter with a piece of ham. He then went over to the sink, washed off the piece of ham and then started to eat it.
That kid is just an innovator, through and through. You can’t just waste a good piece of ham by not eating it after you clean the counter with it.
My daughter, who’s five, took a sip of juice from a straw, spit it into her hand, and then proceeded to rub it into her hair like it was hair product or something.
Right after I’d given her a shower. Why?
Because the only job kids have in this world is making messes and crying during church. It’s how kids operate.
I heard loud music coming from my three year old son’s room upstairs. When I yelled for him the music stopped and he appeared in the hall, wearing only underwear, sunglasses and a second pair of underwear on his head. “What, Dad?”
What do you even say to that?
That kid sounds chill as hell. I need to know what he was blasting, though. I didn’t know three-year-olds knew how to even play music but kid probably has his own iPhone so it makes sense.
3 year old. Took a poop in a pillowcase and folded it up into a small square, tucked it under her pillow. She said she didn’t do it. “maybe it was my grandma or maybe the dog?”
Love the move of blaming your grandma. She’s probably too old to remember whether or not she actually did it, and there’s no way she’s going to get mad if you use her as an excuse.
I caught him putting my flossers under his foreskin, then putting the flossers back in the bag.
How many times did I floss my teeth with my 3 year old’s penis germs?
Ummm, what? I would’ve disowned him and sent him to North Korea. You can’t just have your little dude wiping your flossers on his hog.
My son had a mudflap obsession. Like seriously obsessed with them. He felt bad for those who didn’t have them on their vehicles. And if his toy cars and trucks didn’t have them he would make them out of post it notes.
In “Hillbilly Stomp,” Kid Rock sings, “Im drunk again, excuse the hiccup. The redneck originator rollin’ in my pick up, truck jacked up with the four gold shocks, and where I come from mud flaps come in stock.” So yeah, I get it.
Walked into the backyard to find my two baby brothers (10 years younger) with their dicks out laughing and pissing on the family dog whom was dancing around trying to catch the streams in his mouth.
probably the most WTF family moment I’ve had.
Re-read that sentence and try not to smile to yourself while imagining it. It’s hilarious. The happiness of the dog coupled with the ignorance of the kids is a winning combo.
Not a parent, but this one’s about me. I hear this story nearly every holiday. When I was 5 or 6 years old some family friends were over for Christmas and brought me a little tent as a gift. It was one of those cheap little nylon ones with the plastic rods with elastic string through them that just kind of snapped together, and was just big enough for a little kid.
They set the tent up for me to play in, in the middle of the living room. So, naturally, I promptly went inside and took off all of my clothes. I came out naked, stood squarely in front of our company in a wide stance, put my hands on hips and said “How do you like my penis!” (italics for emphasis, went like “TA…ti-ti-TA…ti-TAAA”)
My parents screamed at me to get back in the tent and put my clothes on. So I went back in, but I didn’t put my clothes back on. No, I had a much better idea. Instead, I came back out, jumped into the same stance and loudly inquired, “How do you like it noooooooowwww?!”
Maybe it’s because I’m immature or maybe it’s because I’m hungover, but I’m getting a kick out of these dick jokes. They just don’t get old.
Walked into my three year old’s room to find him seated at his toy piano, buck naked except for a necktie and a pirate hat, playing and singing his heart out. I thought to myself, ‘wherever this kid goes, it’s gonna be a party.’
That kid is absolutely killing it. I’m going to go with the naked necktie/pirate hat combo for Halloween this year. Just puts out the best party vibes imaginable.
For the entire thread of these dick joke-filled stories, head over to Reddit..
Image via YouTube
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
The naked necktie/pirate hat combo kid is my spirit animal.
Honestly…. I’d vote for him for president. The kid just gets it
Crying in my cubicle over the kid in the tent.
My entry:
Working on three year old’s potty training right now. He goes in his throne and I congratulate and then dump out the piss in the toilet. I turn and rinse the seat in the sink. When I turn back to get the pot to rinse, my son has it on his head. Damn it all.
So should everyone just get a Reddit and eliminate the middle man, going by the trend?
No. I’m too lazy to read them all myself so I rely on Chill to cherry pick the best ones for me.
A lot of workplaces ban Reddit, buddy.
Me. I’m that guy. Love it. You keep doing you, Will.
Copying and pasting from Reddit: TSteveHoltM. You’re better than this DeFries.
My workplace blocks Reddit THeroM on Will’s part in my book
Same. And maybe its just me but Reddit and its multiple comments / threads can be hard to follow sometimes… a nice summary like this is perfect.