A Breakdown Of The Single Girl’s Group Of Friends

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Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Clean the house. Feed the dog. Go to bed. Start all over. This is the life of a single adult. What makes it worth living? For me, it’s my friends. They give me a reason to rush out of work at 5 p.m. to enjoy happy hour instead of over-achieving and climbing that secret ladder of success. They encourage me to skip my workout to hang by the pool on a Sunday. They talk me off a ledge when my boss pushes me too far. They help me plan revenge on crazy ex-boyfriends. They are my sanity. And they are all special in their own certain way. And by special, I mean weird. They’re all pretty similar, though. Here’s a definitive breakdown of your group of friends:

The “Only On The Weekends” Friend

Often the single mom. Sometimes it’s the corporate genius. Or someone whose students loans are taking over their lives and they are living on the dollar menu at Taco Bell. But it never fails, they reach out every Thursday afternoon with a “Any weekend plans?” text. And you get super excited to see them every time; quality over quantity. Brilliant on their part.

The “Childhood” Friend

They know the first time you had a tongue down your throat and how your mom still pays your cell phone bill. They know you wear your clear retainer seven nights a week but take it out for “I woke up like this” selfies. They know all your best memories and you know their deepest regrets, like not dating the high school loser before he inherited his granddad’s multimillion dollar company. You may or may not speak for months at a time, but when you do, you can’t help from giggling at the memories of times that made you who you are.

The “Always Available For Fun” Friend

They know all the best brunch spots. They drop anything to grab a drink and discuss last night’s dating debacle. And most importantly, they never allow you to be lonely or bored (unless they have a booty call, which tell you every juicy detail the next day over a lunch “sales call”). This is your favorite friend, but also the reason you haven’t placed a down payment on a house and why you are eating organic ramen noodles on a Tuesday evening.

The “In A Relationship” Friend

You are not their number one priority. They only come to the bars when it’s “girls night,” even if you have to make that up to get them out of their cohabited home. They spend all their time with their significant other attached at the hip. They have to run all potential plans by someone else. But they always have awesome leftovers in the fridge, and they plan the best barbecues. They provide great life advice, and they usually have someone to “hook you up with.” And best of all, you don’t have to count them as competition. Score.

The “Good Looking” Friend

Every group has one. Everyone in the group secretly hates them, no matter how nice they are. They always snag the best catches. They always make you the wingman and/or the DUFF.

No matter how cute your outfit is, they outshine you in cutoffs and flip flops. But you can’t hate them too much; because of them, there is usually at least one round of free shots and free drinks. You never have to pay covers. Groups of the opposite sex are drawn to your group. Therefore, the good looking friend deserves a place in your friend group. Also, never underestimate the joy of sloppy seconds.

The “Opposite Sex” friend

When you realize you are mature enough to hold a friendship without sexual desires, opposite sex friendships are a godsend. Whether an ex-boyfriend-turned-pal, friend-zoned survivor or just boyfriend/ex of a friend, these are often the best friends you can find. You get honest opinions on clothing choices and hairstyles. You get to “cock-block” unwanted advances in public. And best of all, they give the best guy advice. If you find a relationship like this, don’t screw it up by being a girl.

The “Always Drunk” Friend

Very similar to the “always available for fun” friend, but significantly different. You don’t remember the last time you saw them sober, unless you count that one morning when they took you home from a house party and neither of you spoke the entire way. They have a constant supply of booze in their house. They always have a koozie in their purse. They know all the local bartenders as well as the local police officers. You probably would not like this person if you were to hang out in a sober environment, and you probably would have nothing in common. But you share the best memories, or at least it looks that way from all the pictures of you two on Facebook.

The Typical “Best Friend”

Monica and Rachel. Zack and Screech. Lucy and Ethel. We all like to use the term BFF. We would be nothing without our best friend. For some, it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend. Others, it’s a coworker, a sibling, or just an acquaintance-turned-bestie. But no matter who it is, they are your heart and soul. They blow up your phone all day, and they don’t let you do life alone. They either hate most of the above friends, or they are all seven rolled into one. Without them, you would be sitting on the couch watching Friends marathons all alone while eating stuffed-crust pizza and contemplating the best way to scam someone into marrying you. Appreciate the best friend..

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Stefielea

Stefie is a geriatric manager who spends her days convincing those around her she really is over 21. She secretly enjoys 9 p.m. bedtimes and Taylor Swift jam sessions while skipping her daily workout.

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