DIMEBAG: The Trainwreck That Is Lena Dunham And Three-Day Weekends

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Like a delicious béarnaise on the steak of life that is Friday, it’s time to slop some DIMEBAG on top of this week. Let’s get to it.

Hey Brian,

Feeling pretty old today. I start physical therapy for a shoulder injury i incurred while working out. That is just one reason I am feeling old today, though. The big reason is that last night i was finally contacted by a former classmate for my 10 year high school reunion (I turn 28 in April). I grew up in an area (western Maryland) where getting past the age of 25 without rotting away a few of your teeth from meth is astonishing, let alone making out of the area with a college degree. How should I approach this H.S. reuinion, if at all?

Also, your looks and persona make me think that you are the real life version of Garfield the Cat.

Tom

The only problem with that Garfield comp is that I fucking hate lasagna. It’s the worst of all the Italian foods.

As for that reunion of yours, hard pass. I have a strict “no reunion” policy. I love my high school alma mater, but the minute they handed me my diploma, I was gone. Dust in the wind, never to be seen again. I still keep up with the football team during the fall (#RockState) but that’s really it. It was a fairly affluent private all boys school and I keep in touch with most of my closest friends. It sounds like your high school is quite the opposite. It sounds like you would find yourself in a highly depressing situation where you are forced to interact with former classmates who now have four kids and are living off the government. You got out. No need to put yourself back into the shit. Never look back.

TGIF Bri,

How about these terrible ratings for “Girls?” Kind of enjoying watching the sinking of the SS Horvath.

I’m not usually one for schadenfreude, but I am really enjoying watching America’s most notorious hipster get her comeuppance. The absolute shitstorm that she has brought upon herself in the last six months is really something to behold. She compared an alleged rapist to the Holocaust (let’s get one thing straight: NOTHING will ever compare to the Holocaust), made up a sexual assault story in her highly anticipated book, made a half-assed “Rock the Vote” commercial in which she danced in her underwear, and for some reason, included an anecdote in her book about how she used to bribe her little sister to let her inappropriately touch her when they were kids. Incredible run she’s on right now.

Now, Girls ratings have reached an all-time low. There’s been plenty of dogpiling. I thoroughly enjoyed the first season of Girls. I really did. It was just damn good television, despite the heavy-handed hipster dialogue and Hannah. If I could, I’d tell her to ride out the rest of her HBO contract after the next season, then disappear for a few years and come back strong and stick to what she does best. Her recent penchant for shock value has completely ruined her. Despite my feelings of ill will toward her, she’s an insanely talented writer and it’s kind of a shame to see her self-destruct like this.

The 10 best TV characters in the last 10 years. Go.

In no particular order: Walter White, Ron Swanson, John Locke, Tyrion Lannister, Saul Goodman, Michael Scott, Dexter Morgan, Dwight Schrute, Ari Gold, Daenerys Targaryen. Yeah, I know there’s only one female character on that list, but the lack of strong/interesting female characters on TV isn’t my problem.

Sup,

What combination makes for a better three-day weekend, a Friday through Sunday, or a Saturday through Monday? I personally enjoy the Sat-Mon option.

Luke

I have to agree with you here. The combination of having the following Monday off plus the four-day week to look forward to makes Saturday to Monday the best overall three-day weekend. There’s a reason Labor and Memorial Day weekends are my favorite holidays of the year. Waking up at 10 a.m. on a Monday is one of the more blissful feelings available to the American worker.

Brian,

I know you used to work in sports, so what is your advice for a sports biz hopeful like myself?

Step one of working in sports: Don’t. Once you get past step one, start networking like it’s no one’s business. Prepare yourself for possibly having to take an internship and hope that internship turns into a job. Once that internship turns into a job, prepare to live in the poor house for the next two or three years until you’re qualified for a management or director job. Your best bet is to start out in the minor leagues, pay your dues for a few seasons, and then start applying for the major league jobs. It also depends on what you want to do. Don’t get sucked into the trap of working in a ticket sales job. Those jobs can pay off down the line, but your best shot at advancement is getting into corporate sales or media relations. Work your ass off and be willing to sacrifice your social life for seventy-hour work weeks and long weekend hours.

On the other hand, it’s a really rewarding profession. You’re literally part of a team and if your team wins a championship, you get a ring. Pretty nice feather in the cap. Nothing goes better with a suit than oversized, diamond-encrusted finger candy..

If you have a question for the DIMEBAG, email it to brian@grandex.co

Image via Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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