Why Hotel Sex Is The Hottest Sex

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

A few weeks ago, one of us was traveling for business and found herself alone for the night in a big hotel suite. Not one to waste an opportunity, she called a guy friend who lived in the city and asked him to come over and hang out (read between the lines, people). Although he had slightly oversold his oral sex skills–lapping like a frantic puppy does not get the job done, fellas–the sex was pretty good. More importantly, it served as a reminder of why hotel sex is almost always hot sex.

Elevator Foreplay. If you’ve never done foreplay in an elevator, you are missing out. There is something incredibly hot about being pressed against the wall of the car, making out as it ascends to your floor. We could probably do this all night, but we’ll move on.

Neutral Zone. Even if it’s your room, it’s still a neutral zone. There’s no chance he’s going to open the nightstand and find your porn stash or your vibrator, unless you travel with that stuff (and props to you if you do). Either way, there’s something nice about no one having the home field advantage. Also, because you’re not at home, there are no associated memories. It’s good to not look at your own kitchen table (or couch or counter or whatever) and have to remember all the other people you did on it.

Soundproofing. If you’re a screamer or a loud groaner, a hotel is the place for you. Generally, the walls are soundproofed, but do you really even care if the people in the room next door hear you? At least you won’t have to face them in the hallway every day, like you do your neighbor. He’s given you funny looks ever since that one time he heard you yell out, “Fuck me harder, cowboy!” when both of your windows were open.

The Big Bed And The Big Shower. Most of us, particularly those of us in a big city, live in a place that would technically be called a closet anywhere else. Therefore, your place probably lacks two things that all of the finer hotels have: the king bed and the big shower. What you can do with these should be self-explanatory.

New Surfaces. Once you’ve tried out the bed and the shower, a hotel room offers all kinds of additional surfaces to have sex on or against. The door, the wall, the window, the desk, the chair…we could go on and on, but you get the picture. Take advantage of the opportunity and try something you’ve never done before.

Easy Clean Up. Butt prints on the glass coffee table? Chocolate sauce and whipped cream on the sheets? Not your place, not your problem. Just be sure to leave a generous tip for housekeeping, and throw away your used condoms yourself–that’s just gross to leave them out.

Availability Of Post-Coital Nosh. After an intense hookup session, for some reason, our stomachs always start to growl. If we’re home, that means either scavenging in the fridge for last night’s Chinese takeout or even worse–actually putting on clothes and going out. But in a hotel, that means two words: room service. Go ahead and order those nachos or that grilled cheese and fries (mmmm, fries). Get an ice cream sundae, particularly if you’re into the aforementioned chocolate sauce situation. Best of all, you can answer the door in the lovely robe provided for guests and get back to being naked that much faster.

Check Out Time. Otherwise known as the “easy out.” We’ve all had the sleepover that we wanted to end in the morning, but we didn’t want to be rude and ask our guest to leave. The hotel-mandated check out time takes this out of our hands. Sorry kids, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. You can part with no guilt.

The bottom line? Hotel sex is hot sex because it’s different sex. It’s not in your room, on your bed, with that picture of your dog on the nightstand. It’s fun and it’s exciting, but most of all, it’s new. Even if you aren’t traveling, get on hotels.com, book a room, and shake it up. You can thank us later.

35

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

• @JennaLCrowley
• @donttakeitfromus