The DOs And DON’Ts Of Tinder

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I’ll be the first to admit, without shame or hesitation, that I love Tinder. Everybody wants to get matches, so you should do everything in your power to increase the odds of that happening. After a long discussion with friends, I listed our favorite traits in a potential match, along with the characteristics we found most disturbing. You don’t have to take my advice. Ultimately, you do you and there will be someone out there who digs it.

Do
Pose with a dog in one of your pictures. This is the easiest thing to do to increase the number of women swiping right for you. It doesn’t even have to be your dog. Find any puppy and smile. Bonus points times 1,000 if you are in uniform and smiling with a puppy. If women still left swipe on you then just accept that. You don’t need the kind of negativity associated with dog haters in your life.

Don’t
Men of the world, I beg you to stop combing your hair forward. There is no acceptable justification for this follicular monstrosity. Put down the comb and step away from the mirror. This repugnant hairstyle makes you look like Julius Caesar. Comb your hair back or to the side and you will instantly become more attractive.

Do
Showcase your hobbies. Include a picture of yourself out golfing or hiking or running–really anything to show you are interesting and you leave your house on occasion. It will help your match game. As a woman responding to Tinder match messages, I can personally say that a hobby picture is a great conversation starter and it shows you aren’t a scrub.

Don’t
Enough with the group pictures! It is encouraging to see you have friends, because that eliminates the likelihood that this is some sort of Ted Bundy situation. That being said, one or two group photos will suffice. If I can’t tell which person you are, it’s a left swipe. Obvious aside, if your primary photo is of you and another girl, it’s a quick left swipe. Girlfriend? Sister? Friend? No one can tell.

Do
Include a biography. Just write down any words you know; it’s that easy. I understand the need for privacy–you don’t have to write out your life story. Include enough to allow someone to trust that you aren’t a certified creeper. Please, don’t write anything along the lines of, “Does anyone even read this?” That is the Tinder bio equivalent of highway billboards that say, “Does advertising work? JUST DID!” Nobody likes those billboards.

Don’t
Have gross facial hair. I’ll admit that I swipe right for anyone who looks like he could play in the NHL. Good beards or Tom Selleck mustaches are both right swipe magnets. On the other hand, your mustache that makes people uncomfortable when you go running by an elementary school is off-putting. No woman wants to tell her friends, “He looks like he could have been an extra on SVU.” Shave that scruff and improve your odds.

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