20 Reasons Not To Share That Thing You’re Thinking About Sharing On Facebook

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Facebook has been narrowed down to three simple purposes. First of all, it provides your older relatives a way to keep up with you as you post SFW pictures and statuses to give the illusion you are a functioning adult while you run off to Twitter and Instagram to show your friends otherwise. Secondly, it is still the first resort for stalking someone when you have nothing more than a name and a vague memory of what their face looked like the night before. Finally, it has become a place for people to repost preachy blogs telling everyone that happens to check their news feed how their lives are being ruined by choices they or someone else are making.

It all peaked recently when one girl posted “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”, and within a few days, I had a half dozen rebuttal articles telling me why I SHOULD, in fact, be married by 23. Every time you hit refresh, the opposite view of whatever article was trending yesterday comes to the front, and the worst part is, most of the time none of the writers have a fucking clue.

So, here are the top reasons why you should never hit repost on one of those preachy blogs you stumble across:

1. That ultra-conservative/liberal you barely knew in high school always starts an argument.
2. That argument is usually with your aunt.
3. You will not convince anyone to get married, change religions, eat healthier, or workout more.
4. Or end a relationship.
5. No one cares you live for Duck Dynasty.
6. You won’t turn a liberal into a conservative, or vice versa.
7. You will look like a moron when you fall for an Onion article.
8. Marketers won’t stop photoshopping models.
9. Trayvon Martin articles are never a good idea.
10. People in power won’t stop using it for their own purposes.
11. No one is donating a dollar per ‘like,’ but as long as you keeping liking, they will keep making shit up.
12. The top 1% aren’t going to redistribute their wealth. Neither is that guy lying about winning the Powerball.
13. Half the “facts” are twisted or blatant lies. Your child will need to be vaccinated.
14. Jesus will still love you even if you don’t share that FaithIt video.
15. You’re pushing all the pictures of hot girls further down my news feed.
16. Really, let’s get that one cleaned up before spring break.
17. I’m too lazy to unfriend you.
18. If you share one post, we will all have to deal with the response post.
19. It’s not your life, so stop telling people how to live it.
20. If you’re not Catie Warren, no one cares what you have to say online.

So, there ya have it. From now on, let’s all agree to keep the shares limited to hilarious stories, adorable pictures of animals, and columns on Post Grad Problems, and we can all just get along.

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FreshStart

Spend half my life on the road being worked to death, the other half in a cubicle being bored to death. You can find me on the weekends in Uptown