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We’ve covered New Year’s Eve pretty extensively here on PGP, but there are still some facets of the holiday that we still haven’t covered yet. It’s pretty easy to think that NYE is just another night for drinking, and to that I say, “you’re probably right.” It’s just another night of drinking wearing fancier clothes and slightly more making out. Still yet, there’s more on the line tonight. It’s the start of a new year and you’ll be out on the town for the biggest party night of the year. You can’t afford to make mistakes.
Blacking Out Before Midnight
This is bad form in general. Blacking out before midnight is something that you can get away with after a happy hour or Sunday Funday. You’re going to be in a group of friends that will have to take care of you after your eighth vodka-soda. This is a night when cabs are few and far between. The demand is high. If you’re blacked out and getting loaded into a cab, there’s a good chance that your friends will be right behind you. Keep it together.
Dressing Like It’s Just Another Night
This is NYE. A night where dreams are born and babies are accidentally conceived. Ever wonder why you spend so much time wishing people happy birthday on Facebook in September? It’s because mommy and daddy banged on NYE and out came a baby nine months later. Shocking. You don’t ring in the New Year in jeans and a button down. Get in the blazer game and throw on a nice pair of slacks. Don’t be that guy.
Being The Fifth Wheel
Nothing is more miserable than being the guy/gal in between the happy couples engaged in a hardcore spit-swapping exhibition. Birds of a feather, man. Birds of a feather. Team up with people after your own heart. New Year’s Eve is a target-rich environment for singles. If you’re in a relationship, don’t send out the pity-invites to your single friends. Let them get drunk at home like they do every night.
Waiting Until The 11th Hour To Find A Makeout Partner
The rookie mistake to end all rookie mistakes. The clock is rapidly approaching midnight and you have yet to start working the room. The closer it gets to midnight, your chance of landing a smooching partner when the ball drops dwindles. Start planting seeds around 10pm, lock in on your target, buy the drinks/get the drinks bought for you and plant a big, wet one on them when the clock strikes 12.
Drinking Champagne
Tom Cruise said it best in Cocktail, “Champagne: perfume going in. Sewage going out.” Champagne is poison. Allow yourself that one glass at midnight if you’re lucky enough to snag one. I’ve seen it too many times. Guzzling down champagne like it’s water is a terrible idea. There’s always at least one Pukey McPukerson at every bar on NYE. Do your best to avoid being Pukey.
Driving
Like I said before, cabs are few and far between on New Year’s Eve. That doesn’t mean you should be hopping in a car and heading out. Parking spaces are in short supply and you might even be tempted into…
Driving Drunk
Driving drunk is quite possibly the dumbest thing you could ever do on any day of the year, but on New Year’s Eve, the police are out in force to catch the dumbasses who were stupid enough to think they could get away with it. Every main road is littered with sobriety checkpoints and cops are lurking around every corner. AAA offers free sober rides and will even tow your car back to your place FOR FREE in certain cities. You’re a fool not to take advantage of that. The cost of a DUI isn’t worth not waiting an extra 15 minutes for a cab home. I’ve lost two family members to drunk drivers and I beg you all to use your brains on New Year’s Eve. It’s an easily avoidable mistake that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Be safe out there.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Buy a shit ton of beer and invite all your friends who are also broke or married or fucken both and offer up some belligerent fun and free rent on your couch/floor/extra bedroom for the night.
Sage advice from Papa Bear McGannon
Yeah, vodka soda is great but deadly.
Not on your list: getting blackout and losing your phone.
It’s factored into the cost of doing business. Always have a backup.