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Because you should be pulling power moves 24/7/365, not just every once in a while.
- Say “I give it six months” when a coworker’s relationship comes up.
- Start whistling the Enzyte theme song around older coworkers.
- Tell people to “step into my office” when they show up at your cubicle.
- Send the intern on elaborate errands late in the day, and then go home before they get back.
- Grunt excessively in the office gym.
- Say “You know how it is…” to a married coworker after going into detail about a sexual encounter you had over the weekend.
- When asked for feedback on a coworker’s project, say “Here’s what I would’ve done…”
- Order a strippergram for yourself and act completely surprised when they show up.
- Ask for a 25% raise at your 90-day performance review.
- Tell people that you’ve got a “great lawn guy,” even though you live on the third floor of an apartment complex.
- Pull a “I’m a little busy over here, but check back later,” while playing Minesweeper.
- Make a counteroffer when a coworker tells you how much you owe on the lunch bill.
- Don’t say anything and stare down anyone who asks you “Workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”
- Only carry one business card on you at all times.
- Put a koozie around your Diet Coke.
- Talk openly about how you would take the company public.
- Try to break a customer service rep.
- Go full Pooh Bear at the urinal.
- Slip an intern five dollars and have them call you “Captain Blood” around the other interns.
- Pay a tailor to come into the office to refit your $175 Jos. A. Bank suit.
- Run a black market for drink tickets at the company fellowship seminar.
Editor’s note: Some, if not all of these will get you fired.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
@brianmcgannon
brianmcgannon
Keep ’em coming, boss
Still somewhat disappointed there are no more Lion-power-moves. I’ll take the Pooh Bear as a retarded Lion-power-move though.
#21 made me extremely likable at our company retreat.. they picked the wrong entry level employee to be in charge of the drink tickets
I knew the koozie on my DC is what got me my promotion.
Make a point of telling everyone you have already set your alarm clock for tomorrow morning.
My interns call me “skipper”. That’s out of sheer respect, of course.
Valentino isn’t $175, and this is more of a good way to get you fired and never promoted than a power move…
^ Tool.
Poor?
I’m not poor by any means, I come here because it’s funny as shit…..but I’m also not gonna be a huge toolbag and name drop the suits I wear…
Haha read the info on my page bro, I’m fucking around most of the time. Being as stereotypical as possible.
Yeah, bro. Most of us our poor. That’s why this is Post-Grad Problems. Learn your fucking place.
Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to school down south then…
She doens’t even go here.