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There are times when a cup of coffee from your pot at home just won’t do the trick. The urge to throw your laptop in your Longchamp or Jansport is just too enticing, and so you walk down to the corner coffee shop near your apartment and you splurge on a cafe latte – maybe a scone if you recently got one of those succulent bi-weekly paychecks.
Hanging around in an independently owned cafe is charming. There’s usually a fireplace with a few logs crackling when it’s cold outside, the music isn’t abrasive, and if you don’t actually have work to do, people watching is a fantastic way to pass the time while you wait for your latte to cool down.
But we have a problem right now. More and more I’m noticing that local mom-and-pop coffee shops are being supplanted by Starbucks, Dunkin’, and worst of all, Capital One. Yes, you read that correctly.
Capital One is venturing into the coffee industry by introducing cafes – spots where you can get a cup of Peet’s coffee (pretty good brand, actually) and do your banking at the same time. I’ve seen two here in Chicago and I assume that they are popping up in comparable cities all over the country.
I don’t really have a problem with corporate greed. The Capital One Cafe is a textbook example of capitalism in the modern age. They know people want convenience, and if you’re strolling into a bank to cash a check or do something more serious, I guess in theory it’s nice to be able to get a piping hot cup of Peet’s while you’re there, but do I really need this? Absolutely not. People want security and peace of mind when they walk into a bank. What I don’t want is some barista screaming from the counter that an Americano for Alex is ready while a banker explains my new credit card to me on an iPad.
I need a bank and a subpar coffee brand to join forces about as badly as I need a kick to the dick. Who was asking for this? Capital One and Peets need to way less. Way, way less.
If Capital One is doing what I think they’re doing then they’ve missed the mark. My hunch is that marketing execs probably thought this would bring in millennial clientele, but millennials want Instagrammable opportunities inside kitschy, dimly lit coffee shops with locally sourced beans and overpriced artisanal baked goods.
I’ll stop into a Cap One Cafe if I’m in a pinch, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to plop my stuff down on a Saturday morning at one of these places when there’s a way cooler coffee shop down the street with a barista named Phoebe or Sloane who is absolutely covered in inappropriate tattoos and also looks like she’d rip my dick off in bed (but in a good way).
I’m just surprised the bank didn’t get The Fat Jew or some other Internet personality to partner with them to really cement themselves as the corniest bank in the league. I don’t see a lot of advertising for the Cap One Cafe.
I don’t know what the end game here is, but I feel like this could very well be the beginning of the end of independently owned coffee shops. Get ready Dunkin’ Chase vestibules and The Einstein Bros BOA Cafe. This is going to be like the new age KFC/Taco Bell hybrids that you see at depressing rest stops along the highway..
Image via Youtube
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jduda@grandex.co
Duda’s follow up article, “The Capital One Cafe is actually pretty cool”.
I walked by one of these in Boston a few weeks ago and had no idea what it was. But come to think of it, it may not be the worst of ideas. Instead of sitting in a chair doing nothing while you wait for your banker, you can get some work done or have coffee. I get it, millennials do everything online, but judging from some of the stories I read, lots of young people could use a good meeting with an advisor or banker to figure their shit out financially. I doubt this concept will take, but I suppose it’s worth a shot (of espresso lol.)
If anything it’s always entertaining to post up at that cafe and watch the homeless people outside the Park St red line stop yell at tourists.
My old branch (Chase) just had free coffee -and lollypops- just chillin in the Lobby, sometimes used to grab a drink without even using the ATM, pretty common for the area, was right outside my bus stop, loved it. That said if the fucking charged me I would’ve thrown a fit
Counterpoint: the presence of either KFC or Taco Bell at a highway rest stop automatically makes that rest stop LESS depressing.
I do however need to see a middle aged bank teller wearing a beanie like the reservoir tip of a condom.
I don’t think hipster coffee shops are going anywhere any time soon.
Jonny – you aren’t getting a Barstool job so stop asking on Twitter
Can’t hurt. Also – you’re the same guy that made that “randy and the homie” account. This is getting weird, man
Despite just being a glorified bank teller (per ATLGuy) I can confidently say this is one of the worst concepts in banking. Can’t comment on the coffee industry…
Name checks out.
Why would a bank want to partner with The Fat Jew? I don’t get it.
Because millennials love him
*whoosh*
And as someone who had a brief but eventful career in the banking industry, I can say that I could have really used a good cup of Joe.
Delete your account