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Hello from the hell that is chest cold season. I feel like a toddler is sitting on my chest, I can’t catch my breath, and my nose is running like a leaky faucet. So let’s get to it before my next dose of Nyquil kicks in, shall we?
Kawhi Leonard
It’s hard to feel bad for someone that signed a deal that probably pays him tens of millions of dollars, but when it results in someone getting mocked as hard as this, you can’t help but feel for the guy.
After deciding to leave Nike/Jordan brand earlier this year, many wondered where the Raptors star might wind up in terms of sneaker endorsements. Turns out, he’ll be endorsing your grandpa’s favorite sneaker brand, New Balance. And the internet has lots to say about it.
kawhi’s footwear for his next game pic.twitter.com/wddJpVdYcs
— zach (@zach__cronin) November 28, 2018
Perfect brand for him considering he’s the most boring person on Earth
— Heat 3x (@Jbazo5D) November 28, 2018
These Kahwhi 2019’s prototypes kind of 🔥 not gonna lie pic.twitter.com/wSjZrNOWM8
— Pete McCann (@PMcCann79) November 28, 2018
To be fair, it’s not a simple endorsement deal – Leonard will be “the face of New Balance basketball,” which is kinda cool, I guess? [via BroBible]
Jackie Collins
You may be wondering how Collins, the author of about a zillion romance novels, had a bad weekend, since she’s, you know, dead. But if you believe her sister, she’s still with us…in a very interesting form.
Joan Collins, the actress of original Dynasty fame, revealed that she believes her late sister has been reincarnated — as a fly.
The 85-year-old said, “I have this little fly that comes near me all the time. It’s really strange, I think it might be my sister. I know that sounds weird, and I don’t know whether I believe in the afterlife or not. My opinion is still out to lunch about that, but it is weird that wherever I go, at least two or three times a week – wherever I am, France, London, here – this little fly comes.”
Here’s a dilemma: would you rather be dead or be a fly and puke all the time? Ponder that one for a while. [via Page Six]
Abcde
Okay, let’s discuss poor Abcde. First, her parents actually named her Abcde, supposedly pronounced “Ab-si-dee,” so obviously, this poor child is being raised by assholes. And with her name, she’s likely also going to encounter assholes for the rest of her life, like those at Southwest Airlines at John Wayne Airport in Orange County, CA.
According to the moron that named her child Abcde, Traci Redford, mother and daughter were at the airport for a flight to El Paso, Texas when “The gate agent started laughing, pointing at me and my daughter, talking to other employees. So I turned around and said, ‘Hey, if I can hear you, my daughter can hear you, so I’d appreciate if you’d just stop.'” She also added she found out later on that a picture of the girl’s boarding pass had been posted online.
Southwest said in a statement, “We take great pride in extending our Southwest Hospitality to all of our Customers, which includes living by the Golden Rule and treating every individual with respect, in person or online. We have followed up with the Employee involved, and while we do not disclose personnel actions publicly, we are using this as an opportunity to reinforce our policies and emphasize our expectations for all Employees.”
Translation: that dude (or dudette) definitely doesn’t work at Southwest anymore. As for poor Abcde… what’s the minimum age you’re allowed to change your name? [via CNN]
This Couple
Let me make this amazingly clear to any potential gentleman that may propose to me: if you do it in Times Square, I’m saying no. There’s no way in hell I want one of the most special moments in my life to take place surrounded by neon lights and dudes in dingy furry character costumes.
But the guy in this video is proposing to me, but it went about as well:
WANTED for dropping his fiancée’s ring in @TimesSquareNYC!
She said Yes – but he was so excited that he dropped the ring in a grate. Our @NYPDSpecialops officers rescued it & would like to return it to the happy couple. Help us find them? 💍 call 800-577-TIPS @NYPDTIPS @NYPDMTN pic.twitter.com/tPWg8OE0MQ— NYPD NEWS (@NYPDnews) December 1, 2018
Yes, that’s right – dude proposed on a Times Square sewer grate, she accepted, and then he promptly dropped the ring into the sewer. According to The New York Times, “flagged down a police officer to report the ring mishap, after trying in vain to recover it on their own. But after waiting for about an hour, the couple walked away — without leaving their names — as the police continued to search for the diamond-and-platinum dazzler.” Police recovered the ring and initiated their search for the newly engaged pair.
The couple, from England, saw the social media posts about the ring recovery and contacted the NYPD. Unfortunately, they had already purchased another ring upon arriving home, but what the hell? Two diamonds are better than one! [via Mashable]
Mike McCarthy
13 seasons, 9 playoff appearances, and one Super Bowl win, and they fire the guy with four games left in the season? I knew it was cold in Wisconsin, but I didn’t know it was that cold. .
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
You can’t name your kid Abcde and then complain when people make fun of her for it. It’s your fault for making a dumbass choice for the sake of being unique and she’d better get used to being made fun of because kids will tease her about that shit up until her name change.
You HAVE to know your child is going to be singled out for a name like that. Why would you willingly put your child through a life of questions and ridicule. Her parents are fucking dicks.
I think “Parents” is generous here. I’m going to go out in a limb here and say her dad’s name is “M. I. A. “
My aunt has a girl in her 8th grade class named Phantasy. I think she has it worse.
What is wrong with people.
My theory is she purposely named her that, knowing it would draw negative attention, and then can try to sue someone for “damages.”
McCarthy should have been gone weeks ago, can’t argue that. I can tell you that Wisconsinites definitely took a huge win on this one.
the abcde thing got me laughing so much this weekend. so absurd.
It’s going to embarrassing for the rest of the league when KL beats them in a pair of dad shoes. love this move.
Can’t really expect stellar seasons when the GM trades away half the starting defense.
Cant really expect lasting success when the game plan is “run around until someone gets open lol” for 10 years