======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is now live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. Please give me plenty to choose from so we have interesting topics of discussion.
Episode 4 is below.
1. Hey Dilly,
Love the mailbag and podcast, keep up the great work. I have a conundrum for you. I am nearing the big 30 soon and feel almost all of my invincibility from my 20s taken from me. However, your boy still likes to tie one on from time to time. I know you have humble bragged about not getting hangovers and I wanted to know your secret. Again, keep up the great work!
Thanks,
Nick
“Tie one on” is one of those sayings that I love but don’t quite get. I know I can Google it but it’s more fun not knowing its origin. Tie one on. It’s fucking brilliant. Thanks for reminding me of that one.
I don’t know my secret, actually. There are others like me, too. It’s just a natural blessing, I guess. Staying hydrated is the best way to avoid hangovers, though. Fun fact: Tequila is the least dehydrating of the liquors.
P.S. I get hangovers now, though they’re not very bad. And I only get them when I get annihilated.
2. Hey Dillon, LTFT
Some background knowledge for my question. I’ve struggled with anxiety pretty much my whole life. Some things are harder to do than others. One thing I’m really struggling with is the gym. I’m 5’11” 150 Pounds so I’m pretty slim, pretty weak as well. I’ve wanted to go to the gym consistently for a long time but I have a fear of being the small guy at the gym. Everyone is lifting more than me and I feel like everyone is looking at me judging me for my size. Going to a big school doesn’t help either. The gym is always PACKED with huge guys benching 2 plates for reps. I know people probably don’t give a shit about what I’m doing, but I still feel so uncomfortable.
I try to tell myself that if people judge me for trying to improve myself they are just assholes, but I still feel insecure. I had one embarrassing moment at the gym where I did one to many reps on bench by myself and I couldn’t lift the bar up. I had to do the embarrassing roll off the chest maneuver. Ever since then I only do DB bench to avoid embarrassment. I just feel so out of place at the gym. My question is, how do I get over this irrational fear and finally be able to feel comfortable in the gym?
First of all, you’re not alone. Many people share this very same anxiety — overweight people, skinny people, new gym people, etc. Even some in-shape people feel this way.
“I know people probably don’t give a shit about what I’m doing…”
This is the key and it came from your fingertips. People really don’t care, and they don’t notice you. The only people in the gym who catch my attention are the egregiously huge ones, and it’s because I assume they’re on steroids (they mostly are). The gym seems to be an unspoken judgement free zone because everyone is there for the same reason: to better themselves. I actually love seeing out-of-shape people in there struggling, because that shit takes courage, and it is NOT easy for them.
You’re a little thin. That’s not a big deal. A thin guy outside the gym is just a thin guy. A thin guy inside the gym is a guy who’s there to get better, and that’s cool. Repetition, I would guess, is the best way to overcome your anxiety. It will get easier each time you go, and especially after you start to see results.
3. Dilly Chevron,
So we got some drama from some of my of my friends from a guy/girl friend squad (shocking I know). So my friend Alex has been dating Bella for about a year. They’re happy with no real issues. Yesterday, another friend of all of ours, Marissa, calls me crying with guilt and tells me that last weekend, Alex got drunk and hooked up with her (Marissa). We’re all friends, including my own gf.
I feel like this isn’t my business to tell and I need to let them handle it. I also feel like my gf would tell Bella as they are pretty close. Do I keep it from everyone, including her? I sincerely wish I didn’t know.
Marissa put you in a tough spot by telling you. Not fair.
It may not be easy to pull off, but the move is to convince Marissa to come clean to Bella about it. The blood is on her hands and it’s her responsibility to make things as right as right can get. If she doesn’t, though, and if Alex also stays quiet, that keeps you in a tough spot. When this info is finally out, and it will be, you’re going to be seen as a culprit for keeping it to yourself.
Also, you should tell your girlfriend unless you want to face that wrath. Not fun.
4. Hey Dillon,
I’ll keep this short and simple. So my friend is getting married and is having not one but FOUR bridal showers. All for different parts of the family/ different friend groups. As a bridesmaid do I A-have to show up to all of them? (All are within an hour and a half drive) and B- if I am obligated to go to all of them, do I need to bring a gift to all four showers?
Either way, I think bridal showers are pointless and kind of excessive. Would love to hear your take on this.
I don’t know the bridal party protocol here regarding which showers you need to attend, but you better only give her one gift. Just one. This sounds like a chick who only wants to maximize the gifts she’ll receive. Four fucking bridal showers?! Are those things even fun? There’s no way they’re fun, right?
I’m sure the lady commenters will be more helpful than me.
5. Hey Dillon,
Looking for a little advice as I find myself in a situation where I am talking to 2 very different girls. While I am not “technically” dating either, I am sure both would be a little upset if they found about each other.
Quick background, I am upper 20’s while (I am going to number the girls which is a trash move but have to stay incognito) girl 1 is about my age, we have a lot of fun together, in similar career paths and our views on most things are very much alike. My only issue is there’s little to no spark I feel for her….that’s where girl 2 comes into play. Girl 2 is a 22 year old senior in college and while there are those “fireworks” with her, we are in very different parts of our lives, we have very different opinions on things such as religion and politics and overall she’s not the prototypical “bring home to mom” type of girl.
Am I over hyping the “spark” factor here? I feel like girl 1 is a go with your head (not that head) type of move while girl 2 is go with you heart. Thoughts?
-V Confused.
It’s not clear what you’re asking me here. Are you asking which one you should lock down? Whether you should come clean to each of them about the other one?
My stance is this: If sex is happening, you should inform the other one that she’s not the only one you’re talking to/hooking up with. Just feels like the right play. That’s just me but I’m sure people will disagree. I don’t think either one of them is girlfriend material for you, actually. Girl 1 sounds like she’d make a good friend, though..
Don’t forget: Call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. Also, please subscribe to Grandex Labs on iTunes.
I always need emails, too. The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
guy #5: if you are having trouble deciding between 2 girls, neither are probably the right option in my opinion.
4 bridal showers sounds awful and unnecessary to attend.
Juggling girls is initially fun when postgrad, but quickly becomes distracting and unnecessarily stressful in practice.
My family member had four baby showers for the same baby. Four. Same kind of thing, different friend groups. I went to one, with one gift. No regrets because having four was obnoxious.
gym guy – not sure what kind of budget you’re working with, but consider a few sessions with a personal trainer. They’ll help you make sure that what you’re doing is right for your goals, and give you more confidence when it comes to a routine. Plus its always helpful to have someone there with you while you work out
4 bridal showers – fuck that entirely
friend cheating drama – you should confront the dude who cheated and let him know he should come clean to the girls
last guy – drop them both and find a woman who checks all the boxes for you
“Find a woman who checks all the boxes”…what is this sorcery you speak of?
I agree regarding with you regarding the “cheating” situation. Confront the dude.
Regarding the cheating drama… came here to say this. Not sure why the blood would be more on the hands of the person that didn’t cheat on someone. Both are in the wrong but still.
Just bad looks all around
Go for it gym guy. Fuck the haters. Just keep showing up until it becomes a habit. You’re going to get stronger, quick. Blast Boosie Badazz in your headphones. Become one with the iron. Before you know it you’ll be the guy smashing 2 plates for reps
Whole milk and squats, baby
Never skip leg day
In fact, do legs twice a week
Legs everyday as part of a full body workout is the play
You ain’t bout what you be talkin bout.
Its a boosie song, noobs.
You ain’t bout that murda murda shit!!!
I could go bar for bar to that and swerve!! SSB!
I was 6’+ 160lbs going into freshman year of college. 2nd semester I went to the gym most school days and started noticing gains pretty quick (first in the arms). Once you see the first sign of change it gets a whole lot easier to go back. Protein shakes after each workout, you got this.
4 bridal showers is so excessive, that sounds like something Girl would do
Got married this summer, bridal shower was the most stressful part of the whole process. No registry gift in the world is worth going through that 3 more times. Maid of honor and I went straight to the bar afterward to drink away the discomfort.
Hangover guy – you need to binge drink a specific drink for one weekend, document the hangover. Repeat the process with different drinks/alcohol until you find one that doesn’t shit on your brain. Sure it is going to take some work, but yeah fuck it, right.
Thoughts and prayers to the fiance of the girl who’s having 4 bridal showers. Just imagine what’s ahead of him in the years to come….
Some assumptions I have that I can guarantee are facts
1) Guaranteed this is a huge and very expensive wedding
2) This girl has her friends organize HUGE birthday parties for her (for every birthday from now until 35), now this will fall on the fiance to plan
3) She wants a minimum of 2 kids. Also huge parties for each of those kid’s birthdays, holidays, homecoming dances, proms, etc.
4) She’ll force her husband to buy a huge house that they won’t be able to afford
Over/under on how long this poor man can put up with all of this?
That time span is inversely proportional to the size of his balls.
I feel bad for the bride! What if both sides of the family are divorced and the aunts on each side want to throw their own shower? Sometimes as the bride you want to just smile and nod and not ruffle any feathers.
Yeah I’m in this camp too, I feel bad for the bride. Showers typically are outside the bride’s control and usually driven by pushy family members. I didn’t want one at all, but my family badgered me so fucking much that I finally gave in and had one just to make it stop. If she comes from a divorced family or has a pushy mother in law, she’s probably already under so much strain from all this. My take: you’d be fine just going to one or you’d be fine going to them all, but either way, only give one gift. Maybe check with bride and other bridesmaids to see what everyone else is doing?
This was the case for me. Didn’t want a shower, but my mom’s friend insisted.
The only way one of the bigger dudes in the gym will judge you for being skinny is if you’re dicking around on a bench or machine they want to use, or if you’re holding up your shirt in the mirror to check out your “abs”
Gym Guy: You’ll find that the bigger gym guys who look like complete douche sticks, are actually some of the more helpful and friendly guys when it comes to lifting. Can almost guarantee if you’re struggling, they’ll offer you some help and tips.
Oh, and don’t try to talk to girls with headphones on. I guess they don’t like that.
4: Give one gift, go to one shower (whichever one makes most sense for you to go to taking into account the group/locatoin/date/time). But also, have you asked your friend yet what she wants her bridesmaids to do? That’s probably a good first step.
Hopefully if the bride is a reasonable person she wont be able to bring herself to say the words “You need to be at 4 bridal showers”