What Happened When I Listened To My Own Advice For A Whole Week

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Last weekend on my fortnightly trip to Trader Joe’s following a rather sensual 10 minutes in the cheese aisle, I found myself cart deep in the greeting card display. “Oh! Perfect!” I thought as I plucked and chose my favorite from the shelf and took it to the register with the rest of my well-packaged loot.

I needed the card because I owed my sister a letter. She recently got a new job, and I was tasked by my mother to send her “some advice on life in corporate America.”

“Beep, beep, beep” went the scanner as a gleeful cashier bagged my cauliflower pizza crust. “You like this?” he inquired. “Simply divine,” I replied.

That night, I sat down at my kitchen island to write a letter to my baby sister, making sure to wipe the sticky residue off the fake marble before disrobing the card of its plastic encasing. When I say “baby,” I do not mean it in the traditional fetal sense, nor do I mean it in the non-traditional rapper sense. I mean it in the reminiscent sense. My sister is 21 years old and starting her first job but she will always be my little, tiny, baby sister. Shouts to all the big sibs out there – you know what I mean.

Traditionally, I don’t enjoy giving advice because I don’t believe I have much to give. If I wake up every day and am kind to others, work hard, and remember to wear clean underwear, I generally consider that day to have been a successful 24 hours. My sister is family, however, and what is family good for if not unsolicited, half-baked advice? So, I gave it a go. Here’s some of what I wrote.

…and in the end, B – you’re probably going to fuck up. And when you do, that’s okay. Try to laugh at yourself. I’ll be here regardless of all those idiotic fuck-ups, big or small. Now, Mom says I have to give you some advice, so here it is:

1. Speak kindly to yourself

2. Be honest, even when it is hard

3. Practice contrary actions when you are scared.

If you feel like it, try to remember to do these things when you can. Not in a grandiose, existential way. But in a day-to-day, practical way.

That’s all little nugget. I wish I knew the life recipe, but I don’t. I love you dearly, and always will. Don’t smoke pot before your first day of work. I will send you money if you need it.

-Victoria

As I sealed the letter, I asked myself a question that spun up this whole article. When was the last time I actually practiced the things I so easily recommended to my sister? What I said was genuine, but do I follow my own advice? I think I used to, but man, I’ve been so busy lately.

So, in a new segment (which is not actually a segment, but more like a one-time social experiment) entitled “Practice What You Preach,” I stuck a stamp on the letter and vowed to spend all of last week intentionally listening to the advice I gave my sister. Here’s how it went.

Speak Kindly To Yourself

Monday

On Monday, I woke up in a hotel bed in San Francisco for a scheduled client visit. A post-it note on the bedside table read “Remember to do the things!!” which took me about 8 minutes to decrypt. “Ahh yes, the whole practice what you preach thing,” I remembered begrudgingly.

It didn’t take long for my first opportunity to arise as I stripped off my ever-sexy XL sleep shirt to hop in the shower, the fluorescent hotel lights shining off my neglected leg hairs. I looked at my naked body, as one does, and analyzed the results of my 6-month gym hiatus. As you can imagine, the horde of body critics began to claw their way to my brain.

“Not today, assholes!” I thought, as I closed my eyes and opened them again. I re-calibrated the voices in my head.

“Wow! Victoria, you look so good!” I said out loud. “Look at that! You have boobs now! Nicely done,” I forced my brain to continue.

Was it silly? Maybe. Did it feel far better than the alternative? Hell yes. I spoke kindly to myself, and as I soaped up that morning, I felt far more confident than I had in a long while.

Practice Contrary Actions When You’re Scared

Wednesday

Wednesday morning presented a perfect opportunity to flex my contrary action muscles. At my 9 am breakfast meeting sat a litany of well-established men and their deputies. My boss hadn’t come on this trip, so I was representing my firm. Did I mention I was nervous?

We ordered our food (I had the oatmeal), poured cream into our coffees, and shot the shit for a bit before we got down to business.

“Okay, let’s get started. Oh Victoria, can you take notes and distribute to the team?” said Rick, a nice guy and a subcontractor we work with frequently.

I paused, looking around the table. I wasn’t the secretary, I didn’t work for him, and frankly – note-taking wasn’t my job. There were two deputies at the table whose literal job it was to support Rick, but he asked me because girls take notes and boys don’t.

I took a sip of my coffee.

I was scared shitless to challenge Rick, and considering I had already completed one contrary action that morning (in the form of bathing myself instead of rolling out of bed and throwing in some dry-shampoo), I toyed with the idea of letting it slide. Then, I thought about my sister, and I didn’t.

“Sorry, Rick, that’s not my role here today. Maybe Ryan can do it?” I responded, smiling at him from across the table.

Ryan took great notes.

Be Honest, Even When It Is Hard

Thursday

I arrived back in DC on Thursday and began the honesty challenge which I would quickly re-name the Stop Fronting To Make Things Easy Challenge.

In my opinion, it is hardest to be honest in times when a little white lie can make things so much more comfortable. But oh those white lies, how they grow!

My acts of honesty were sprinkled throughout the day. They were a subtle, consistent change. First, when a good friend invited me to dinner, I responded, “I’m sorry, I’m on a strict budget and I can’t afford it this weekend” instead of my normal, “Sorry, I have plans!”

It was uncomfortable to admit that I was on a budget to my friend that makes decidedly more money than me. That is, until she responded “Wow! So impressive! Let’s do something chill tomorrow.”

Hey… that felt kind of nice.

Once I ripped off the Band-Aid, it was easy. I spent the rest of the afternoon answering my co-workers and friends a little more honestly. “Sorry, Jamie, I dropped the ball on the PowerPoint but I’ll have it to you first thing Monday,” I emailed to my boss, to which she responded with a delightful, “Thanks for the heads-up!”

And so it went. This exercise in particular, even when it was admitting silly mistakes or flaws, made me feel more like myself – a little lighter and more airy, if you will.

Who we are is a patchwork combination of the good things, the bad things, the nerve-racking things, and the hard to admit things. A perfectly glossy facade crafted of little white lies may be prettier – but it’s boring too, isn’t it?

Honesty is admitting that I slept until 4 p.m. on Saturday, I’m totally unprepared for next week’s presentation, and that this article I wrote is actually about the girl I’m dating but I switched around the pronouns because I was nervous about the whole thing.

In the end, it is having faith that when we are honest, we are ourselves and that those selves are good enough. It’s exhausting to front all the time! This week, I was reminded that when you stop all that fronting, the day is so very pleasant.

So friends, I successfully made it through the 2K18 Practice What You Preach Extravaganza. I did not die, and I dare say it was good for me. I’m starting to think I needed a healthy reminder that sometimes it’s easy to believe something but much harder to put it into practice. These things take work. Do you agree?

If you’re reading this (and have already had your morning coffee), ask yourself what advice you’d give to a kid right out of a school. Seriously — write it down. What would you say to a human in their early 20s just starting out? What if your little sibling asked you for some genuine advice? And yes, I mean advice besides the obvious “party as much as you can and do not get married” (although I stand by that too).

Then maybe, if only for a week, take your own advice and see how it goes. .

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CallMeVictoria

Life is messy, let's get dirty. itwasvictoria@gmail.com

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