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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Sup, Dillon.
I had a discussion about the image you use for this column (face on mailman delivering mail) with a friend that also reads your column. Aren’t you the one receiving the mail? Why would you be the mailman? I have other problems I could be writing to you about but I feel like this would be more fun to hear your opinion on.
You know, I never really put much thought into it, but I guess you’re right. Intern Peyton made this image for me and she can do no wrong in my book, so I went with it, and I love it.
Maybe I’m hand-delivering the mail after I answer it because I like to add my own personal touch. Because that’s how much I care. Like here you go, ma’am — I answered your letter earnestly, put it in an envelope, and here I am delivering it to you face-to-face because I am also a postal worker. Now read up; there’s some good shit in there.
Dorn, LTFT.
I’m wondering when/if it becomes unacceptable or weird to wear your old Greek life shirts in public. To be clear, I personally only really wear them around the house or casually when running errands. I’m curious about your thoughts tho because I have about 20 shirts from various events and functions, and I can’t justify tossing that many perfectly good shirts. However I don’t want to put off the vibe that I’m “stuck” in college. When did you decide to stop? Appreciate the input big homie.
Sincerely, a cheap postgrad.
The minute that diploma hits your palm, you can no longer wear your fraternity shirts outside the crib. That may sound extreme, but it’s how I feel. I will look down upon you and I will make fun of you behind your back, and if I know you, to your face.
I might listen to an argument that says the summer after a May graduation is fair game, but I would avoid doing even that. Wear them in the house only. Or better yet, find them a good home and bequeath them to a younger member of your chapter.
Hey Dill Pickle Chevre (sorry, how tired do you get of all the reader interpretations of your God-given name???),
I’m a little over a year out of college now and have been doing the whole dating thing on and off for about 7 months, so I’m not a total first-date rookie, but I figured I would ask this question anyway. How many drinks is a good limit for a first date? (not including one (1) pre-date drink)
Usually, I only keep it to one drink if I’m not feeling it or if I have somewhere to be afterwards, and two if I’m interested and want to keep talking. I have done three before, and at that point I’m usually pretty into the person and/or feeling a little bit tipsy — is three too much? At what point do I look like an alcoholic?
Hope this hasn’t been a question before. Any input welcome & appreciated!
Honestly, I think you’re exactly spot on. Agreeing to order a third drink is the mutual way of saying things are going pretty well and maybe you want to see them naked at some point in the future. You shouldn’t do more than three on a first date. Save that for later. Three is the most.
What you said about a second drink is interesting. It’s easily the most important drink of the night, right? It’s a very telling moment. Stopping after one means this is probably the last time you’re going to see that person. It’s the perfect out. But two? Let’s keep hanging out. Such a crucial drink.
“At what point do I look like an alcoholic?”
Around drink five, or whenever you get sloppy.
Sup Dillon,
Let’s just cut to the chase, I got a bit of situation. Been dating this girl for a couple months now. Long distance type of relationship, like super long. A couple thousand miles separating us and a hella of a time difference to top it all off (currently stationed in Hawaii). Definitely difficult but we make it work.
She is great, everything that I want in a girl. I see a future with this lady, and she feels the same way. She has one more year of school left. She has plans of visiting me this Summer, haven’t seen her since ‘Nam. But her father has a different plan.
She’s on the lighter side and let’s just say I have a little more melanin than most people and can sing all the Spanish parts in Cardi B’s I like it. This is no bueno in the eyes of dear old dad.
When he first heard of this visit, he straight up offered her 2k not to come visit. Regardless, she bought the ticket to come see me. Now dear old dad has upped the ante, he has threatened not pay for college. I have no idea if he will make do on this threat, but regardless I don’t want her to take that chance. But after his initial offer, I definitely would not put it past him. I’ve already told her that she needs to worry about her future, but she is still hesitant about not coming. I plan on coming back to the mainland in the winter so we will eventually get to see each other. I’m still concerned that even if she doesn’t come to visit but we are still dating her dad will still pull the plug on her funds.
Should I put the relationship on pause or just end it (it’s definitely not what I want to do) but she has got to think about #1. And if we do continue seeing each other, I don’t know how the whole dad situation will affect things. I have no idea what to do, in need of some advice.
Muchas Gracias
Man, I am so sorry. Fuckkkkkkk this guy.
I think you need to decide if she is worth all the trouble that her father brings to the table. That might sound insensitive but if she is going to be in your life longterm, then so is he, even if from afar. And let’s say she cuts him out of her life to be with you. Even if it’s justified and neither of you have done anything wrong, you’d be the reason why they lose touch. That sucks.
If she’s worth all that, then stay the course with her and don’t put anything on hold. It sounds like you two will have some difficult times ahead. Godspeed.
Again, because this part is very important: Fuck this guy.
Dillon,
Big fan of your poddies, namely, touching base.
I recently graduated college where I was an athlete (baseball player – can attest that the locker room gets fuckin weird). It was easy to stay in functional shape as the athletics program ensured you were doing their routines so they could get the return on their investment out of you. Since graduating and starting a job, I have found it is difficult to figure out what to do in terms of eating and working out since I have always been told exactly what to do in the gym and how to do. Baseball lifting was also more functional-based instead of look-good based.
So, as I move on to the next chapter of my life I wanted to ask you your gym routine/ diet plan. Based off of Instagram photos we have similar body physiques. You have almost maximized your potential in terms of ideal body for your build, and you tend to look hella snaccy (no homo) on insta.
I would be ecstatic if you could help me out with this and let me know what you do so that I can start my own routine and not slowly slip into looking like Will DeFries. Also, I have gassed you up a lot in this email. Don’t let it go to your head.
Best Regards,
Guy Tryin to Start Life Off Right
Some backhanded gassing. You have to love it.
I don’t adhere to a specific diet. I actually don’t focus too much on what I am eating as much as I focus on what I’m not eating. I try to eliminate carbs and sugar as much as I can. That’s basically it. I still eat that shit, though. Just not much. Beer is a big one. I don’t drink it as much as I used to, which sucks because I love beer.
Below is my workout routine for the guys out there who want to maximize your potential “for your build.” I don’t have a frame that’s built to carry a lot of weight/muscle, which is I think what you meant by saying that. I do the standard five-day split.
Monday: arms
Tuesday: chest
Wednesday: shoulders
Thursday: back
Friday: legs
The weekend is for resting. And I do core on two or three of those weekdays with at least one day of rest in between.
Hey Dillon,
So after a long time out of the dating game to focus on grad school and a new job, I finally decided to put myself out there again and while I was hoping to meet someone in a more organic way, I decided to download Bumble. The thing is, I never know what a good opening line is, and being a girl, I’m required to initiate the conversation. What are some good things to open with that aren’t just, “hey, what’s up?” because that seems kind of lame. I like to think I’m a decently attractive girl, and I think I have a lot of other stuff going for me too, but this dating thing is hard and I need all the advice I can get. Thanks!
It doesn’t matter. “Hey” is enough. On Bumble, since the girl has to initiate the conversation, doing so is all the guy needs. There shouldn’t be any pressure for this reason.
He gets the noti that you started the convo, and it doesn’t matter if it’s three letters, a gif, or the funniest anecdote ever told on earth. If he’s interested, he will respond..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Legs on friday?? You’re a fuckin freak, I like you.
My theory has held true regarding late week leg works outs. On Fridays, all of the gym bros aren’t taking up the squat racks, as they’re too busy getting their arm pump for a night out at the bars.
I guess the hormonal reaction from a heavy squat session is just as good as an arm pump for attracting ladies
You’re also likely to eat a lot more calories/nutrition than usual on a friday night doing legs is a good idea in that regard
Drinking eliminates all progress made at the gym that day.
Never lift on Fridays son
That would mean I’ve never made any gym progress
Skies out thighs out baby
Just saying “hey” as an opening line on Bumble and letting the guy do all the work completely eliminates the point of the app. C’mon ladies, get creative. Either find something in his profile you can say/ask something about (guys, PLEASE put at least a little effort into your profile so we have something to work with) or have a go-to question that can spark conversation. One I’ve had a lot of success with is asking someone if they prefer crunchy or creamy peanut butter. It’s a hilariously controversial question so you’ll either bond over your shared love of the same kind or kick off your conversation with a flirtatious fight over who is right. (Crunchy. The right answer is always crunchy.)
Yes! Controversial question or fuck, marry, kill, works almost all the time.
Joey Tribbiani giphy “How you doin’?” works like a charm.
It’s a carefully orchestrated line.
Well executed gif > “hey” – gotta love a lady with a strong gif game
Maybe it’s just their way of saying they don’t want to talk to me, but it drives me crazy when a conversation is just me asking questions to have some basic conversation before getting the number and they respond with nothing but the quick answer and nothing more to continue the conversation
I have a rule that I won’t ask more than two questions in a row without someone making some effort to get to know me in return rather than just responding to the questions.
I am going to start implementing this rule because my usual method when this happens is to try to tee up the guy to ask me more about something, and it rarely works.
This annoys the hell out of me. This isn’t an interview, its a conversation. Please contribute.
Hey
If someone came up to you in real life and just looked at you and said, “Hey,” you’d be extremely weirded out. Flirting gives you the opportunity to be a little goofy upfront. In-person interactions are always going to be more personable (redundant, I know), but that’s why you should take the opportunity to showcase your silly side on dating apps.
Disagree. I’d be much more likely to respond to “Hi!” in real life than if some guy came out of the woodwork asking about my peanut butter eating habits right off the bat.
As someone that generally sucks at making profiles, what would you (or anyone else for that matter) want to see as far as details on a profile?
If I were you I’d subscribe to the podcast Don’t Take It From Us. It has Jenna Crowley and some douche named JR (still waiting on my copy of The Departed) and they go over in depth bumble / dating profiles that are submitted every episode.
So unnecessary.
I’ll agree it’s not 100% necessary, but the girl initiating the conversation with more than just “Hey” definitely makes me more intrigued with the conversation and the girl starting it.
is no one gonna talk about Defries getting absolutely ethered in that 5th one down?
“I would be ecstatic if you could help me out with this and let me know what you do so that I can start my own routine and not slowly slip into looking like Will DeFries”
senttttttt
Defries still goes
^Will’s burner
“If you came with a warning label, what would it say?” has worked 100% of the time.
To the dude with the ICE father: I agree with everything that Dillon didn’t say but subtly meant here. You need to beat his ass and show him who is boss and by beating his ass i mean throwing him in a wood chipper on the cliff edge of an active volcano. Orrrr, you could out-racist his racism by being racist against racists because that has seemed to make a lot of money for our country and if you apply that practice to this situation, you might eventually have enough money to lock him away in his own sketchily funded, hollowed out Circuit City private prison encampment that houses all other racist people lol
Or don’t do those things and just stay with the girl because fuck that guy. If she’s worth it, you’ll both find a way.
Yeah that’s def a way better word of advice but like imagine if we got rid of racism by putting each racist group in a cage with one another until they cancel each other out or work out their differences so they can be reintroduced back in the wild like little baby birds
The latter option has potential. Parents make their kids sit in a room together until they work out their problems, so if everyone’s acting like children then why not.
I don’t think it is fair of you to call a potentially racist guy “ICE Father”. ICE is a federal agency with thousands of employees (some of whom might be racist). Whether you agree with their mission or not, your comment insinuates that all ICE employees are racist, which is pretty messed up.
It’s pretty messed up that satire isn’t automatically applied when reading anything I comment about. Also, the Nazi Party in Germany was considered a “federal” governmental organization so do you want to go down that rabbit hole? When a bunch of people are “just taking orders” does that make their shitty actions somewhat okay? It’s not like these ICE people can’t go get other jobs. They’ll fit in, in other organizations. I mean, our police forces and the CIA are doing similar shady shit so we can’t discriminate against those organizations either lol
Hey you rock those Greek shirts until the end of time. I saw a dad with a “Greek week 2005” shirt on a lunch the other day, he’s a cool dad.
Girl looking for a first line….SAY. ANYTHING. You could say “poop” and a guy will tell the story the next day at brunch like you recited a love poem to him. Easy.
I rock old Greek shirts to the gym from time to time. I felt bad about it at first rather than buying new workout shirts but then I realized that there’s 50+ year old men wearing their sons hs football: wrestling shirts to try to vicariously relive their glory days and suddenly I didn’t feel as bad. I just don’t wear actual stitched letters, only printed Greek week or rush ones.
I’ve been trying to sign up for 5ks in the attempt to replace all my Greek shirts. It’s been going spectacularly badly.
Wear my greek shirts around the house/running quick errands. Really wish they weren’t frowned upon in the gym because they’d make the perfect old gym shirt
Chev-er-ay is the only one frowning – keep rocking your shirts.
Lately I’ve been using my shirts from the bar I used to Barback at in college..not sure which is more douche-esqe
Neither. They’re shirts. No one cares that much.
My old greek shirts are pretty much worn exclusively in the gym and running in the neighborhood. No way I’m going to chance ruining the softness of all my old target house branded shirts by sweating all over them.
Is it possible that the racist dad also doesn’t want his daughter to get involved with a serviceman? I’m a vet and that lifestyle is really rough on relationships (high divorce rate, low pay, live in crappy places). Perhaps he doesn’t want his daughter in a long term/serious relationship? It isn’t right, but it happens a lot more than most people would think.
Honestly, you all owe it to yourselves as an informed citizen to go look at the pay tables (available online) and see what junior servicemembers (especially enlisted) make. SPOILER ALERT: it ain’t much.
Add to that that military spouses have a difficult time finding meaningful employment. There aren’t a lot of opportunities post-grad software developers to find that kind of work in bum-f*ck military towns (ask my wife) as they move constantly and with minimal warning.
So maybe this dad is thinking, “I don’t want my daughter torpedoing her professional aspirations, living far away, with a guy who is gone all the time and doesn’t make much, aaaaaand that community has an abnormally high likelihood of divorce.” It is a hard life.
Or he might be racist. That’s entirely possible.
To be fair, isn’t their pay ‘low’ because the military covers so many other expenses for them? According to google, the lowest base pay is ~$1,467 a month. That’s not bad for a kid fresh out of high school who doesn’t have to pay rent. I have family (in their 30s) in the military and even their nice house is paid for with BAH.
when you think of how many hours they work per week (especially combat arms), that pay is obscenely low even when considering the allowances. Even when I was not out in the field at a range or something, 12-hour days were the norm at my unit.
you’re right, that “nice” house your relatives are in is paid for by BAH, but they’re not building any equity in it. i don’t know about you, but I would HATE to still be effectively renting my housing into my 30’s. also, servicemen pay 100% of their BAH into on-post housing, even if they could get a similar house off-post for less than BAH.
most of the whole set up is rough, that’s why they call it “the service”.
Yeah not trying to stir the pot but I wonder what made him think it was strictly because of his skin color? He didn’t mention the dad saying anything about skin color, just assumed because of his actions that it had to do with it. Like you said, there could be numerous reasons he’s acting how he is (which is still a little odd) but to jump to that conclusion may be a little premature? Especially without even meeting him? Idk.
You bring up a good point. As a former Navy gf I’m all too familiar with everything you mentioned. The military wasn’t the reason I ended my 4 year relationship but it certainly didn’t help. I had stayed with my ex after college under the assumption he would serve 5 years and get out. We broke up after he decided to stay in long term. I realized how difficult it would be for me to keep my job as a licensed engineer while moving every 2 years. All this while I was and still am working on a masters in engineering. It might sound like I was being selfish but I realized he wasn’t as committed to me as I thought. It’s definitely important to discuss long term goals even in the early stages of a military relationship. We didn’t because he was too immature and couldn’t handle it when I wold bring it up.
Plot twist
Hey Hawaiian/Spanish Cardi-B–screw that guy. Thank you for your service.
Respectfully disagree on the Greek t-shirt front. If it’s a long day after work and I’m just hanging at the house, or if it’s a Saturday morning and I’m running errands, you can bet your ass I’m not getting all fancy (and by fancy I mean putting on halfway decent clothes/actual pants). I’m going for comfort, not style, and those shirts are so worn in by now, they’re perfect. They’re great for chore time too because IDC if they get bleached or messed up. Is there some sentimental value there? Yeah, for some of them, but honestly, they’re just t-shirts. I see some people who still have shirts from high school (kudos to you if you’re in the same shape you were in in high school). A good, worn t-shirt is your best friend.
Came to say the same thing. Use mine to clean around the house