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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dilllllllon, Long time first time ya know.
This weekend I took a look in the mirror and realized hey your metabolism ain’t what it used to be, damn.
Now I’ve been going to the gym, eating somewhat healthy. My only problem is finding a routine I like to do, I have a bad case of fuck around itis which doesn’t seem to be working.
Was wondering if you or any other PGPers had some suggestions for a routine to follow or any other suggestions for getting back after it. Especially at 530 in the morning.
All the best
I don’t have a specific routine to recommend to you because I’m not that deep in the fitness game (commenters, feel free to chime in here), but I’ll talk general strategy with you.
As a beginner, I think the best way to begin this journey to a leaner, meaner you is with a combo of cardio exercise and full body weight training. Three days of weights, two of cardio, weekly. Find the cardio workout that works best for you, Google basic weight training exercises, and go to the gym with a plan. You aren’t in there to move heavy weight yet, but wake those muscles up and let them know you’re making some MFing changes around here.
I’m big on the threshold concept. Working out sucks at the beginning, but there’s a point in time during which your routine stops becoming something you have to make yourself do, and something you want to do. Once you reach this magical threshold, which usually coincides with the time you begin seeing actual, physical results on your body, you’ve set yourself up for a fitness lifestyle that’s kind of intoxicating. Then off you go.
Early morning workouts are the best. Cold brew coffee or pre-workout is how you get your ass moving that early in the morning. You can’t convince me pre-workout isn’t bad for you, but that shit definitely works.
Hey Dillon,
First time, long time and all that jazz. I’m writing to get some advice from you (and the lovely PGP readers) about a recent issue. I moved to a new city within the last six months after living at home since graduation (read: 2.5 year dry spell). I was quick to get into the dating scene now that I am living alone. The last thing I’m looking for right now is a serious relationship, but I have recently realized I only want to see/sleep with one person.
My question is that I am wondering if it’s fair to only want casual sex, but also ask for monogamy or exclusivity from my partner? After going on many bumble/tinder/league dates, I’ve found that guys interested in casual sex are also seeing other girls, but guys interested in exclusivity are also looking for more serious relationships. Is it reasonable for me to hope for the best of both worlds, or should I start adjusting my expectations?
Appreciate any advice!
I think you’re being slightly unreasonable. Asking for sexual exclusivity from someone with whom you aren’t willing to at least date seems kind of selfish. Having your cake and eating it too kind of thing.
That doesn’t mean you can’t make it happen, but I think it will be a challenge to find a like-minded person. It’s also a dicey situation because this scenario sets at least one of you up to catch feelings. Then what?
I’m a one sexual partner person in all phases of dating, but I’m also mindful that if I’m unwilling to be in a “dating” relationship with someone, I can’t expect her to commit to me in any way, shape, or form.
So yeah, you should probably adjust your expectations.
Hey Dillon,
So I met a guy through tinder, matched in November, met in person the first week of December and we really hit it off. We went on actual dates, he cooked me dinner at his house, he invited me to a huge New Year’s Eve party.
I met all his friends and got along with them and things were going really, really well after two months. Well then I had my annual gyno appointment where they’d ask the general questions, look at my vagina, and offer the STI screening. I figured I probably should just to be safe because this guy and I hadn’t exactly been safe during our times together. So a week later I get a call saying that I tested positive for chlamydia. I freak out and start crying but I go pick up the antibiotics and the nurse I spoke to reassured me that it clears up in a week, just no sex for 2 weeks, then sex with condoms for the following 2 weeks. And actually probably all the time.
I then immediately go to this guy’s house and between sobs I tell him he should go get tested. He did not handle it well. He thinks I “cheated” on him, which I hadn’t. And we hadn’t even had the ‘what are we’ talk yet. Chlamydia is easily treated and goes away quickly I’M JUST SAYING. I told him I’d give him his space and that I hope this doesn’t ruin things.
We did end up talking through it and he was the one to say “I need to know that you’re serious about this and that we’re only seeing each other” yadda yadda yadda and I really saw a future with him so of course I agreed! Things kind of went back to normal between us, but he wasn’t the same. Our dynamic changed and he barely put effort into seeing me so after 3 months of me trying to make it work and even giving him an out, which he said no to and for a few weeks made me feel like he was still invested in the relationship.
I barely heard from him in the month of May so Memorial Day Weekend I finally texted him calling him out on being an asshole and he responded with “I’m sorry, I’ll never get over what happened. It messed with my head too much.” To which I sent him a long text about how hard it was for me too but he only cared about himself that whole time and how unfair it was for him to put all of that guilt on me because 1) there’s no way to prove who got it and gave it to who and 2) you can be infected for months and not show any symptoms. I never once accused him of giving me chlamydia when I found out and I could have, but I think it’s both of our faults for not being safe.
So I guess my question is, how would you have reacted if you were the guy in this situation? I’m just confused and annoyed and sad because we did have a lot in common, similar sense of humor, same family values, same work hard play hard lifestyle, and we had a good time every time we were together. And I thought we got past it but apparently he just couldn’t see me as anything more than the person that (it’ll never be confirmed) gave him chlamydia, A VERY CURABLE INFECTION. Is that really something people can’t get over?
I really appreciate your input Dillon. And be safe and get tested my fellow PGPers.
Thanks!
I hate to say it but I always hit you guys with the truth: He’s just not that into you.
He’s aware that there’s no way of knowing he got the STI from you or if you got it from him. He’s also aware how easy it is to get rid of chlamydia. He probably even knows it’s not all that uncommon of an STI. I think he’s using this situation as his excuse to back out.
I say that because this is a pretty small hurdle to get over if you’re really into someone. It’s inconvenient and a little embarrassing, but it’s not a big deal at all. If I’m you, I take my antibiotics, put myself on the shelf for a few weeks, and move on from this guy.
Sup D,
How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, we live together, and it feels like we bicker constantly. We still have good times too, but it’s definitely not even close to the way it was in the beginning. On top of this, I want to move somewhere bigger and better, and he’s locked in with his company for at least another year. We’re 25 and I feel like the longer we wait, the less chance we have of getting out of our city. Another disagreement we have regarding the future is that he wants kids, and I do not. All of these things lead me to wonder if I’m wasting my last few young years on someone I won’t even end up with. Do you think it’s time we just go our separate ways?
Even if this doesn’t make the column I’d love an outside opinion. We put on quite a show for our friends and they have no idea that we ever even argue. We’re the group “Mom and Dad” that everyone thinks is going to get engaged soon. LOL.
Thanks.
“How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship?”
Usually when you start asking yourself, or strangers on the internet, this question. As a 25-year-old in a three-year relationship that is leaving some to be desired, doesn’t it seem kind of ridiculous to commit a lifetime to that person knowing there are so many available people out there? Would you recommend, in good faith, to a friend that he or she stay in a relationship after admitting to you that things could be a lot better between the two?
If you stay in this less than ideal relationship, doesn’t that mean you’re settling? If you’re settling, why?
Hey Dillon,
Thought it would be interesting to hear about the Grandex business model, going from a TFM Twitter account, lots of other things in between yada yada yada, and now the huge focus being podcasts. Obviously we see podcasts getting more and more popular in general, but wanted to get some insight on the process to where the company is at now.
Thanks, Sean
Grandex has changed a lot since it started back in the summer of 2010, but its core concept has stayed true throughout all these years. The goal has always been to obtain a massive audience and market our products to it. The media landscape has evolved a ton since 2010 — and is still evolving — but currently, yes, we are largely focused on podcasting. We aim to grow our podcast listener base and social media followings so we can tell them our apparel brands, RG and Man Outfitters.
Our focus was on editorial for a long time — and it still is a big focus on PGP — but podcasting is the wave. And it’s going well, thanks to you guys..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
To the girl asking when it’s time to end a relationship:
Constant bickering itself isn’t a reason to end the relationship. Frequently it’s because of communication issues or one/both people going through hard times. It’s a solvable problem. Waiting a year to move somewhere isn’t a reason either – at the end of the day, it’s just one year. 25 vs. 26 isn’t much of a difference in this case. It’s also a solvable problem.
The kids though…THAT is a reason to break up. That is a completely fundamental difference on outlook on life, one that can, but may not necessarily change. If you are completely dead set on having kids and he is completely dead set on not having kids, then yeah, save both your guys’ time and end it. Your relationship goals are fundamentally incompatible.
Reverse that, she doesn’t want kids, the boyfriend does. As a dude that doesn’t want kids, it’s good to know that I have hopes of finding a wife who wants to be child free as well
We’re out here. Sup?
Good to know, the other day my parents basically told me I’ll get bullied into having kids by my wife.
I always get asked “but what if you meet a guy who’s perfect for you but he wants kids?!” well, guess that means he isn’t perfect for me, but thanks for asking….
Whoooops, misread her submission, thanks for catching. Same idea applies though.
My mom always told me you cannot negotiate the idea of having or not having kids with a partner. If your significant other feels strongly about it and you feel the opposite, hate to say that shit probably won’t work out. That’s just something I have a hard time seeing as being negotiable.
As far as bickering, that’s normal for a 3 year relationship. Especially if y’all live together. But yeah… can’t really overlook the kid issue.
Definitely agree on the kids part. Look what happened to Gould when Jan gave him a kids ultimatum.
“Jan Levinson, I presume?”
Snip, snap; snip, snap; snip, snap! Do you have any idea the emotional toll 3 vasectomies has on a man?!
Well, the simple thing is if you have kids, you lose the game of life. Even if you don’t have kids, you still lose the game so enjoy whatever “things” are, I guess. Idk anymore lol
The children/no children dynamic ended a great relationship for me. It just has to be a deal-breaker. It’s one of those binary things that you can’t compromise or get over.
Exercise Guy…two words: Shake Weight
This made me crack up. Maybe because I pictured the actual Harvey Specter saying it
Or Randy Marsh
Crème fraiche?
STI guy is such a douche
In reference to the STD submission, I’ll never understand why some people choose to drag things on and come up with silly excuses to break up rather than just being clear, to the point, and ripping the bandaid off. It’s so stressful and confusing to be on the receiving end of that behavior and frankly it’s selfish and disrespectful to treat someone that way.
Agreed. See things weren’t going where I thought and while enjoy the person, you know when you know. Sack up and rip the bandaid off and save the other person more hurt feelings from a longer relationship.
Experienced this firsthand in college with a quasi-girlfriend except from the other side. Luckily I somehow ended up testing negative after she called me and accused me of giving it to her, but “forgave me” (thank Jesus no awkward phone calls for me). I really don’t understand this dude’s hesitation if he doesn’t want to be in the relationship. It took me all of 5 seconds to break it off with her.
Out of shape guy, we are in the same boat. My reflection a few months ago made my not only hate myself but realize why my wife always has a headache when I want a little nookie. Rather than go extreme I just started keeping my calories under 1,900 a day and allowed myself one bad meal a week, also zero soda. I walk or jog a mile or two maybe twice a week and I’ve been shedding pounds. Don’t overthink it, just eat healthy and you’ll be good.
Also, we all know Dillllon’s pictures with abs are photoshopped so don’t listen to him
oh come on, man
I love his audacity on claiming “I’m not that deep in the fitness game.” Yet his upper pec and delt development say otherwise.
Also agreed 60% of gains and losses are on the food plate.
I’m not fitness knowledgable, is what I meant by that.
Thanks for the clarification on that.
Sorry if I charged hard into the paint on that take, that wasn’t my intention. Nice Pec’s BTW.
Had to do it to ’em
Not a fitness guru but have lost 40+ pounds since last fall:
1) Get a Fitbit. Figure out how many calories you burn per day. Eat 75% of that. Get .7-1 grams of protein per day for every lb you weigh. Fuck food selection restrictions, eat whatever the fuck you want (within reason). Don’t feel bad for an occasional “cheat meal” if you follow your calorie/protein restrictions on a regular basis.
2) Figure out what cardio you enjoy doing. If you like Zumba, do it. If you like yoga, do that. I’m an elliptical + podcast/music guy, it works out well for me. Some people will tell you HITT is the most effective way to burn fat. It probably is from a scientific standpoint but it’s not effective for me because I fucking hate it.
3) Basic lifting schedule for guys is a classic push/pull/legs. There are a million of these workouts online and they all probably work fine. I shape most of my workouts after Jeff Nippard YouTube videos.
4) Focus on the process, not the result. Do the right things on a regular basis and the weight loss will follow. Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better.
5) Buying smaller clothes while simultaneously donating my “fat” clothes was the most gratifying feeling I’ve ever had. Take pride in small changes, that’s what is going to keep you on track.
6) Carry extra water with you after you lose the weight for all of the thirsty hoes you’re going to meet.
Also carry extra water to drink. Hydration helps weight loss and mood.
Sprinkle in some yoga and weighted carries. Thank me later.
I’d like to add onto this: As someone who had zero knowledge of nutrition, fitness, what I should be doing etc, I found that hiring a personal trainer helped a ton and kept me on track to my goals.
I also found it extremely intimidating to go to the gym and do weight training versus just an hour of cardio. The trainer helped me gain knowledge of how to do things correctly too, so I felt like less of an idiot throughout the week.
Other than that, fitness classes are dope. OrangeTheory, or any local bootcamps are great for beginners and mixing into an established routine. There are older women who can kick my ass, and men of various ages in every class I take.
Good on y’all for taking the first step though. It was hard for me.
Former skinnyfat guy here. The exercise addiction threshold is a real thing. Once you learn how to lift and get a routine, you start seeing results and you’ll want to keep building on them. I was the furthest thing from a gym rat in college so take it from me that it’s actually doable. Good luck bro!
Here’s the biggest thing to remember, most of it comes down to what you eat. You will lose more weight by making smart choices about the food you consume. I know people who work their ass off in the gym only to destroy any progress with alcohol and junk food or simply over eating. It can take years to get the progress you want. Just remember that it’s all those hours in the gym, all those meals of chicken and broccoli, all those times you skipped happy hour and taco Tuesday that add up. It’s the thousands of tiny steps that will get you to where you want. Change doesn’t happen overnight.
Girl that doesn’t want kids, you should probably break up sooner rather than later. If you stay together, one of you will be resentful. There are plenty of guys out there don’t want kids.
Since the podcast game is going so well can we, the consumers, get something in return? Maybe an all male, all nude calendar or a signed mouse pad. Hell, maybe a monthly wine subscription? Thx.
@ new gym guy. Dorns advice is pretty spot on. 3 days a week full body is a great starting place. If you feel like you’re a little more advanced and like lifting, try 2 days of lower body and 2 days of upper body. You dont necessarily even need cardio if you keep your intensity high and rest times low. And yeah if you take preworkout in the morning you pretty much have no choice but to lift
Name checks out
Self awareness is key
To the girl who’s asking about the boyfriend, I don’t want kids either, sup?
Hey, let’s not downvote honesty people. Some people want kids, some don’t.