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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dillon,
Love the podcast and the mailbag. (Long time, first time, and the rest) Though my question is very real, I also thought it might a be fun one for you and the readers to weigh in on.
I am standing up as a groomswoman in my (guy) friend’s wedding. We have been friends for over 10 years. He has actually been with his fiancée longer than we’ve been friends, so the groom and I have always been strictly platonic. My question relates specifically to the bachelor party. My friend, the groom, has expressed that it is completely up to me if I wish to join in the fun. Do I go? I would be the only girl in a group of 8-10 guys.
I know most of them and these guys will definitely want to give the groom a very stereotypical bachelor party. It will definitely be rowdy. I think it would be fun to go, and selfishly, like the story of being a member of a bachelor party, but I do not want to kill the vibe and/or make it difficult for anyone to let loose and just have a great time celebrating with the groom.
Thanks for the advice!
P.S. you should definitely go on the bachelorette. I’ve parted ways from the franchise in recent years, but I’d return to watch your “journey”
Girls as grooms(wo)men is something I see happening more and more. I think you should go, but it comes with some “if”s. And these are so you won’t feel guilty on the trip, and so everyone will have maximum fun.
You should go if:
• You think you can carry the bachelor party vibe. I say this because there aren’t many girls who can. It’s not that all guys on bachelor parties turn into barbarians, but stuff goes on during those things that don’t normally happen (strip clubs being the obvious example). You can’t be the wet blanket/moral compass/maternal presence member of the group.
• You believe they will plan the itinerary as they would if you weren’t going. For example, if they want to play golf, and you’re not a golfer, they should still play golf. If you don’t play, you can either ride along and drink with them (highly suggest) or go do something else while they play. You don’t want them not playing just because you’re there, however.
• You think the groom will have just as much, if not more, fun with you there. It’s all about him at the end of the day.
P.S. I’m considering moving forward with the application and video submission, but, if given the offer to appear on the show, I don’t know if I could pull the trigger. Mostly because of this guy.
Bearded King,
LT;FT, not sure if this has been covered in the mailbag yet but here we go…
I just turned 25 and my girlfriend, 24, and I have been dating for about 3.5 years – some of that in college. We’ve been living in the same city for a couple years now and the moving in together talk has started to happen (for context, both leases are up around the same time early next year).
We’re both committed to each other and have also talked about our future together. Our relationship is rock solid and I’m confident in saying she’s the one. We both agree marriage is still a few years away but would like to take the next step.
I think we’re both nervous about losing our independence, hanging out with our own friends when we want, having our own space when needed, etc…ya know the normal things.
I realize these are things that need to be discussed before making any decisions. You dish out some pretty sage advice, got anything for this? Love everything you guys are doing at Grandex, keep on keepin on.
If you plan on putting a ring on it in the future, I’m a major proponent of living with her before she walks down the aisle.
Spending time living with someone is the highest level of getting to know them. It’s the best way to see if you two are as compatible as you need to be in order to have a healthy marriage. I’m not saying you need to live together now, but it should happen at some point.
“I think we’re both nervous about losing our independence, hanging out with our own friends when we want, having our own space when needed, etc.”
Then have discussions about these things beforehand and make an effort to do it the way you want. It’s all up to you two.
Dill Pickle,
Long first etc.
So I’ve encountered a predicament recently that I need a second opinion on. So I recently started dating a new girl and everything’s going great! We get along well, are very open about our feelings/thoughts, and I enjoy spending time with her friend group. However, the problem I have arises from her best friend. Now the friend has said before she thinks I’m really attractive to my face and to my girlfriend. We even matched on Bumble at the same time my gf and I did (but obviously my girlfriend pulled the trigger first, so I was off limits or whatever girl code says these days).
This is great and all, but the thing is that the way she treats me after she’s had more than two drinks is off-putting. As in being wayyyy too handsy and even rubbing up against me while grabbing my face sometimes. I always just kind of lock up and do anything I can to avoid the situation. Disclaimer: the friend is a great normally and I really enjoy spending time with her, but it just makes me a little weirded out when she gets drunk.
I’ve told my girlfriend about it and she just brushed it off as nothing, which is fine. She knows her better than I do and I genuinely don’t think they’d ever try to do anything snaky to each other. Still though, all my alarms go off when it happens and I’m not trying to give anyone, especially my girlfriend, the wrong ideas.
Should I bring this up to the friend personally or am I just being a cocky chach and overthinking this? Just trying to not cause ripples in their friendship, while also making sure not to get blindsided by a tsunami of an enraged girlfriend in the future.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Thanks King.
You talked to your girlfriend about it. That’s good. You’ve done all you really should do. If it’s bad enough that you think you should talk to the friend about it, then do it. Keep your girlfriend in the know about that conversation, though.
I am going to speculate and say that maybe you have a little thing for the friend. Clearly there is some level of attraction, seeing as how she was right-swipe worthy. Maybe the advances are you making you uncomfortable because they get your gears turning a little bit? I say that because this isn’t the type of thing that normally bothers a guy. Without any interest, it’s easy to brush off and make light of something like this.
Just saying.
D Man,
Hope all is well in the cut. Quick random question here. We are getting a new dog, a lab, from a breeder. I have reasons as to why I’m going through a breeder (hunting, guarantee, AKC, etc.) that I believe are valid. Well, recently I’ve come under heavy fire from coworkers, friends, and even some family about “how dare you go through a breeder when there are thousands of dogs needed to be adopted?!” I know this is true and if I had the resources I’d adopt all the dogs. I’m a huge dog guy. Dogs are the best, better than most humans. I just need to know from you and the PGP community….am I a monster for getting a dog through a breeder or do these people taking shots at me just need to get off their high horse?
Peace & Love from the 713
No, you’re not a monster for wanting a dog from a breeder. When you want specific traits in a dog, and you want to raise that dog in a certain way from a young age, I can understand the benefits of choosing a specific breed from a REPUTABLE breeder. Hunting dogs are the perfect example of this.
Howeverrrrrrrr, the next time I decide to get a dog, I will be adopting one. For the second time. I encourage you, and everyone else, to do the same. No high horse here, but adoption is fucking awesome. And most breeders are trash people who treat their breeding dogs terribly. My ex would want to throw hands at anyone who wanted to use a breeder. She would get HEATED about it. I mean she was passionate as fuck about adoption, and I think she left an impression on me.
There are so many dogs in shelters that need homes, and so many of them would be amazing companions. You can even find your next hunting dog this way. There’s a special bond that happens when you rescue a dog, too. They know what you’re doing for them. Consider it.
Hey Dill-Dawg,
I recently started talking to this girl and she is a dime. Like drop dead I will marry her at this moment. We spent the whole day together recently studying for our finals and I think there might be something there. I’ve never talked to a girl this hot or even thought a girl this hot would be interested in me. I’m not an uggo but I am a chunky boy. She is going to Barcelona this summer so having a summer fling may be out of the picture. Do I just shoot my shot now and see what happens or wait until we are back to school next year and see where it goes from there.
Love all the content. Thanks!
Waiting until she gets back from Spain is simply out of the question, so don’t come at me with that bullshit. A million different things could happen between now and then that could take the opportunity off the table. Shoot your shot right now, you big, dumb idiot. She’s a dime, man. When will the next one even come along?
“I’m not an uggo but I am a chunky boy.”
I love this. All my chunky boys stand up..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
Groomswoman: there is also a 100% chance at least three of those groomsman are going to try and seal the deal with you while on that trip.
Unpopular opinion: it isn’t your responsibility to adopt a dog simply because there are dogs to adopt. If you know exactly what you want, plan to train specifically, do your thing. I know exactly what type of dog I want, I want it from a puppy and the chances of finding that via adopting is slim. If people give you a hard time, tell them to get off their high horse and keep adopting dogs.
All dogs need adoption, even the purebreds. That’s how i can reconcile it. Sure you pay way more for the dog but it’s still a living thing. It still needs a home.
+1
You want a pet? Adopt. From a shelter or a breed-specific rescue. You want a working dog? Buy your dog from a responsible breeder, train it, and give it a good home for the rest of its life. This coming from a HUGE animal lover and volunteered at an animal shelter all through college, law school, and even studying for the Bar that STRONGLY supports responsible breeding, particularly for working dogs.
Stands up, slowly, waits for breathing to slow back down.
Guy who’s girlfriend’s friend is into you, I have one word: threesome.
Really thought that was the advice he was looking for.
To the chunky fellow.. he’s 1000% right do not hesitate to shoot your shot. I was in the same situation in my college days. I was a chunko not an uggo. A solid 9 had the hots for me for some reason. Didn’t do anything about it though and she went to Italy for a semester and then immediately met her now husband upon getting back. Missed my shot, don’t be me.
Can confirm. Was once casually involved with a girl way out of my league. She left for France to study abroad, and somehow manages to come back engaged. It’s 2018, shoot your shot. Also, never trust the French.
I’m literally in the same position now, except I’m the girl and the guy I like is going to France tomorrow. Conflicted as whether to shoot my shot tonight. Sounds like I should.
Update: I upped my game but didn’t make a move. I think it’s clear we’re both interested in each other, so I’m not stressing it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?… or out of sight, out of mind. Only time will tell.
Plus everyone in Barcelona is ridiculously good looking and the Spanish know how to flirt. Definitely lock it down before she goes there.
I may be in the minority opinion on this, but I think things may be too late to “lock it down”. He should 100% shoot his shot, but don’t enter a relationship with her before she goes abroad. With all these Spanish dudes trying to flirt with her, plus the romantic setting, chances of her having a fling with some dude named Jorge or Juan are very high. He should keep it fun and casual before she goes. Snap back and forth just enough to remind her you exist. Then when she comes back, try to get serious.
#chunkyboynation
shouts to the Thicc Clique
Thiccnic Picnic worldwide.
#slimguyrepublic
If you want to get a dog from a breeder, go for it. If you want to adopt, feel free. There are pros and cons to both. What truly matters is that you’re a good dog owner and that you can provide and care for the animal in the way it needs and deserves. As a dog owner, that’s all I can really ask from a fellow dog owner.
I don’t really understand the whole grooms woman/brides man thing… if there was a girl that was THAT close to the guy I was gonna marry, I’d assume I’d be close with her too and just make her a bridesmaid if she was that important to him.
About to be a groomswoman and I’m not that close with the bride. I like her and am thrilled to be a part of the wedding but thanks to long distance friendships, we haven’t spent a ton of time together. I would happily stand with the rest of the bridesmaids if that’s what they wanted, but it feels really great to be able to stand by my best guy friend on his big day.
Another good thing about Groomswoman/Bridesman is that it doesn’t take a spot from your SO, booting one of their friends in the wedding party.
That actually happened to me. One of my best friends is a girl, so naturally my wife (then gf) got close with her too. She ended up a bridesmaid at our wedding. Now i’m a groomsman for her man in their wedding. Isn’t this the cycle of life?
What if they’ve been friends since childhood? I have 2 male friends that will 100% be bridesmen (??) in my wedding if I ever get married. I’ve known both of them literally since I popped out the womb and have been close with them my entire life. They both have serious girlfriends in the picture but I’ve only known the girls for about 4 years opposed to the 25 years I’ve known the guys.
I guess I just feel like if they’re that important to you then your future husband would be close with them too so they’d be groomsmen? Out of respect for you, like the way your brother would probably be a groomsman. I’m not knocking it I just don’t really understand it.
I strongly disagree. If they’re my friends I want them on my side with me on my wedding day. I also don’t subscribe to the whole putting your SO’s siblings in your wedding party just because they’re family. Give them another important job to do at the wedding but I would never force my future husband to include one of my family members in his groomsmen.
I think either way is totally acceptable, but the feeling I’m getting here is more “they are standing on my side because they are here for me” and just further echoes of the thoughts that it could take the spot from one of her friends
I totally agree. Plus she says he’s been with his fiancé since before they became friends. If you’re this close with the dude how are you not also close with his fiancé?
You’re right. I forgot boys can only be friends with boys and girls can only be friends with girls.
Chunky fam stand up and clap for this man.
Moving in: if you can afford it, look into a two bedroom house or apartment. Most nights, sleep together. But if one partner needs a night to themselves because they are sick or anticipate a long day at work, they get a “no questions asked / no guilt” night on their own in the guest bedroom. Because everyone gets along best when everyone is well rested. (Not practical if you live in NYC or San Fran, I know, but otherwise, it’s the only way to live with a partner.)
This is an underrated idea.
Fully support the 2 bedroom if it’s in your budget. Gives everyone their own space especially in the day/evening
strongly agree. hubs and I have totally opposite schedules and it’s nice to be able to get a full night’s rest without being woken up or get ready in the am without waking him. plus, makes both of us appreciate the time we get to spend together