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Ah, week two in the books and it was gold Jerry gold. Week two is pivotal; it’s where we keep the power players and the real wackos that make for great reality TV, and get rid of the boring people. And man, call this week a hate crime on Becca, because her three victims all share that in common. Boring to the bone. Decent to look at though, I guess.
Something struck me as I was watching the one-on-one date with Blake where he joined Becca in smashing a bunch of Arie-related shit while soundtracked by Lil Jon. The story line this season has been one big wrecking ball against Arie. If they didn’t have the Arie story line, it’d be the same boring ass show with no overarching motivation. So, I’m putting my tinfoil hat on here, but what if, now here me out, what if the Bachelor producers went to Arie when he’d narrowed down his choices to Lauren and Becca and basically told him they’d pay him a bunch of millions of dollars if he chose the girl he’d actually planned on dumping (read: Becca), stick it out for those few months where you can’t really hang out with your fiance very much anyway, continue to DM Lauren on the side, and then BOOM! Dump Becca on national TV, choose the girl you actually wanted in the first place, and now the show has a Bachelorette candidate who’s completely broken from Arie, with a narrative for her season?! Maybe I’ve been reading too many Reddit Westworld theories, but like, doesn’t this make sense?!
Anyway, plug in some Eddie Vedder, pour one out for the fallen ones, sit Shiva if you must, and as always, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
Alex, 31, construction manager from Atlanta, Georgia
On paper, Alex sounds like he’s a pretty cool dude: owns a boat, likes to ski out west, has a dog. Sounds great! Sign me up. Except,,,,he cried after Becca sent him home. Lame.
His dog:
His boat:
His toilet selfie?
Rickey, 27, IT Consultant from San Diego, California
I don’t understand why Rickey is listed as an “IT” consultant when he very clearly says in his online bio and IG bio t hat he runs an online fitness company, which explains the physique, considering I hardly see IT bros carved out of marble.
Here’s Rickey throwing it low! Must be a toucher.
Once more, for the kids!
Trent, 28, realtor from Naples, Florida
How did this dude make it through night one? That’s a serious questions. He was the guy that literally died when he rolled up night one in a hearse. He has ZERO Instagram posts but if you want to hit him up on LinkedIn, he’s got 22 connections!
RIP..
Respond
Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
Alex does not own that boat
Confirmed with the dirty ass mirror/background toilet pic.
He owns the car he parked in the marina when he was meeting up to hangout on the yacht someone else had leased for the day, is what he meant. Classic mix-up.
It’s not a boat…it’s a yacht.
#nofilter
Alex has a cute dog, but naming said dog after the douchiest boat make of all time says a lot about the guy..
Yes Donzi makes the douche favorite cigarette boat but they also make some is the nicest fishing boats and small yachts money can buy