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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillllllon,
Relationship/social media question for you. My wife has some ridiculously hot friends that, as of late, have taken up some “Instagram modeling” (the typical half naked outfit with some weight loss shake tagged in the picture). I know these girls and would consider them my friends, so it’s not like I’m following thirty random half naked girls.
Anyways, I always like their pictures. Obviously for the brands they’re promoting or the caption is very well thought out (read: they’re so hot my thumbs just can’t help but hit the like button). My wife has never said anything about this and I’m not in a situation where I’m not attracted to my wife or getting my rocks off to Instagram posts, I just wanted to get your (and the PGP community) thoughts on this.
Is it inappropriate and/or weird or am I just making a bigger deal of it than I should? I just don’t want to lose an argument in six months when the wife pulls out the “yeah well how about all the half naked pictures you like on Instagram?!” card and I really don’t want to be the weirdo who likes pictures he shouldn’t be liking. Thanks for your time, big dog.
Sincerely,
A guy who spends way too much time on instagram
Good question. Very relatable. I’ve done some thinking on this topic before, and I actually think we covered it on the Mailbag a while back? Can’t remember.
Here’s the rule: Guys, if you have a wife or girlfriend, you are allowed to like pictures of her close friends, and also celebrities. Those are totally fair game. This is only regarding hot/swimsuit/revealing pictures. Celebrities aren’t a threat and her close friends are merely an extension of her. It’s not your fault they’re dropping hot bikini pics on the TL. You’re just being a supportive boyfriend.
You’re good, man. Just stay away from liking beach pics of that girl you were crushing on before you met your wife, or an ex, and if you have an attractive, platonic friend of the opposite sex, save your likes for her pics that don’t show much of her skin. Like skiing in Breckenridge or at a brewery or brunch. Stuff like that.
Hi Dillon,
What are your thoughts on the girl taking the guy’s last name after marriage? My big day is coming up and while I always figured I would take my husband’s last name because hey, that’s what you do, I’m having doubts now.
I don’t want to come off as being all “I am woman, hear me roar” but I think it’s unfair that everyone is just assuming I’ll take his name and even telling me I need to. No dude out there would want to change his last name so why am I expected to? I’m not trying to take some big stance here or make a point. I’ve just grown up with this name, I’ve gotten attached to it, and I feel like changing it is somehow giving up a big piece of myself. Not sure if it matters but we don’t plan on having kids, so which name they would be given isn’t an issue.
The future husband has assured me that he would never try to tell me I have to take his name, but I could tell he was really thrown and dissapointed when I told him about my concerns. He sees it as romantic, I’m not sure i do anymore.
I’m not always a traditionalist, but don’t you think a married couple, who legally binds their lives in front of family and friends, should have the same last name? It represents that you’re a family unit. That you’re all the way in. Celebs aside, if I was made aware that each member of a married couple kept their last names, it would give me “one foot out the door” vibes or something. Or maybe that their marriage was a business decision. Like yeah they love each other but I’m not sure if they’re crazy about each other?
I’m not telling you what to do, but that’s some real, neutral perspective for you. And I doubt I’m the only one who feels this way. Then again, maybe you don’t care what other people think. That’s cool, too.
Heyo Dillon,
Love the articles and don’t usually write in but really need some guidance on this one.
We recently hired a new receptionist at our office and boy oh boy is she attractive. Like a cross between a young “Friends” era Jennifer Aniston and an older but still attractive horrible bosses era Jennifer Aniston (she looks a lot like Jennifer Aniston). We went to a company happy hour last week and ended up going out for some drinks with my friends after. She sat super close to me and was giving me some suggestive looks all night.
We’ve been going to lunch a lot recently and flirting and my question is, do I try and sleep with my receptionist? In a bit of a dilemma and need a fresh perspective.
Gracias Amigo
Here’s a classic “is the juice worth the squeeze?” scenario. It usually isn’t.
If you’re going to make the decision to sleep with a coworker, your job should be something you’re not super attached to. Be okay with moving on from it. One of many possible scenarios will play out, and a handful of those end with termination. Think about your next move, sir.
What’s up Dilly Bop,
I just got wind of some details on an old season of the Challenge, and it left me pretty unsettled. Being the content guy you are, maybe you’re already aware, or maybe not. Either way, I just found out and I’d love to hear you and the boys discuss on the pod. Here goes:
We all remember the fated finale when Johnny Bananas kept the prize money for himself, leaving Sarah with nothing. A total dick move, sure, but it’s a game. Well today on the Reality Steve Podcast, Steve interviewed Susie Meister, former Challenge contestant and good friend of Sarah. **Side note: I know that Touching Base is an anti-Reality Steve podcast so normally I wouldn’t fw him, ESPECIALLY not on a Thursday, but I’m a sucker for juicy gossip so I had to do it to em just this once**
Well it turns out that good ol’ Bananas had some unprescribed adderall that he intended to take and share with Sarah, but when he found out that they were competing against each other, he took his and kept hers. The big issue here is that he won because he was able to stay up all night and got more points than Sarah, which obviously the addy played a big part in. MTV knew about it, fined him $5,000 (out of his $275,000 winnings….I’m sure he really felt that fine), and they kept Sarah from discussing it to the media.
So here’s the question, is that a Douche Move or a Power Move? Did he have to do it to her? I’ve always been a big Johnny girl. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that he’s played the game better than anyone else in Challenge history. I just can’t decide what to make of this.
It’s Reality Steve Podcast episode 73, Johnny/Sarah talk starts at 16:40 and they go into more detail if you’re so inclined.
Anyway, love you guys, love the pod. I’m about to delete this Reality Steve t-t-t-trash off my phone and hear all about Micah and This Weekend In Fun and it feels so right.
I did not like that move by Johnny Bananas. He totally fucked one of his good friends out of a lot of money. Even worse than that, though, he made it be known to everyone else on future Challenge shows that he is not to be trusted and will turn on even a close friend for extra money. It was a dick move, but it was also not a smart move, as it could cost him in the long run. Plus Sarah seems like a real sweetheart.
I had not heard about the Adderall angle until I read this question, but that adds another layer to it all (if true). Double dick move by Bananas. He might be an asshole, and while I don’t think this decision was a smart one by him, that dude can win some Challenges.
P.S. Shoutout to the greatest moment on Challenge history.
Yo Dillon,
I don’t know much actual advice you can give me, as the groom is gonna get what he wants, but I’m just looking for some confirmation to prove I’m not crazy.
My brother is getting married and has asked for TWO bachelor parties. One for close friends/wedding party, and one for all his friends not close enough for Bachelor Party-Prime. And the “close” bachelor party? TWENTY PEOPLE.
Like I said, I’m gonna make it happen, but it’s not just me, right? This is excessive.
I don’t think having 20 guys to your bachelor party is that ridiculous. Is it too many guys? Yeah. Is it an absurd number? Nah. I’ve been to one with 20 before and it was fine.
What’s nuts is having TWO bachelor parties. Who does this guy think he is? If you have a big friend group, it can be pretty tough to narrow it down. What makes it tough, however, is only having ONE bachelor party, like a normal person, because that means you have to leave some people out. You don’t put your friends in tiers just so you can go on two, most likely free, trips.
And how would you feel if you made the B team? Fuck that. I’m not going to South Padre with you, dickhead. You just got back from doing coke in Aspen with your A team. You asshole.
So, no, you’re not crazy. Your brother is.
Sup stud,
Reaaaaal quick need to know how much of a shit bag I am. I have two weddings coming up this fall, about a month apart from each other. First one is my cousin’s, and second one is one of my best friends who I am a bridesmaid for. I live very far away (different country) and could probably make both weddings, but vacay days are limited plus it would be a quick 2k + to fly back for both weddings. I feel more obligated to go to my best friends’, since I’m in it and I have absolutely no part in the other wedding other than attendance. But it’s my cousin…. Help please.
Xoxo
You’re fine. Just go to your best friend’s wedding. It clearly means more to you. You live in another country. That’s absolutely an adequate excuse for only making one trip. The cost, the long travel, the time off from work — it’s all enough..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
My wife chose not to take my name because she has an art business registered with the state, along with numerous accounts, blogs, etc. When it’s a professional circumstance it makes sense.
V true
I respect this move. Whatever her reason is, it is valid and changing her last name should not matter to the husband or partner. I think some guys take it personally when they really shouldn’t; I wouldn’t want to change my last name. You’re the man Dave.
I’m in a similar boat to your wife. My degree, certs, and authorship on papers is under my own name, not my soon-to-be married name. My solution is to hyphenate in general and keep my own last name as my professional name.
This seems to be the move in my profession. Take the spouses’ name legally, but keep the maiden name professionally.
I’ve seen both sides of it in my profession. I’ve seen colleagues hyphenate it, and I’ve seen one who changed her name 3 times in the past 5 years. Married name – divorce – maiden name – new married name.
Change your middle name to your maiden name and boom you get both
First guy, there’s no point in following someone if you don’t plan on liking their pictures.
Jen Aniston guy, if she looks like Jen Aniston and she’s also nice, you just gotta risk it for the biscuit.
Heck I’d risk my job to sleep with Jen. She’s got my idea of an ideal rack. Also super straight but If I had the option.
sup
Hey Dillion, should have sent this in earlier but which is a better city…New York, LA, or Houston?! PGP community needs to know.
that comment section is a complete war zone
Glad to know you’re alive and weren’t cat-fished by a serial killer creeping in the PGP comment section.
What happened with the fellow toucher?
10/10 would do it again as good times were had by all.
Rumor has it that a column is being put together to share all the dirty deets as well as discussions for random meet-up pt. 2
This update is all I was hoping for and more, great to hear it went well!
Oh shit…
We knew it was only a matter of time until it spilled over.
Maybe I’m in the minority but Burb > City, so…
Man I’ve actually been really struggling with this. I am obsessed with #citylife but it’s just financial irresponsible as we start a family but everyone I know just deeply regrets their decision to move to the burbs. What city/burbs are you from?
I’m in Columbia, Maryland so 20/35 mins from Baltimore and DC respectively.
If you can find a location like this where you’re still close enough to major cities, I think you gotta take it.
All the serenity and peace of a suburb, and then the debauchery/excitements of a city
I’m off Briar Forest (aka San Felipe) and the Beltway. It’s not that bad.
I grew up in Chicago but have spent most of my years in various suburbs. Now I’m in the home of Wayne’s World, Aurora, IL.
Also, since I’ve never been to any but doing it based on my 24 years of life experience,
1) LA (for visiting and ya know, the concept of it)
2) Houston (I’d live here out of all of them) (also heard it’s super humid?)
3) NYC (never been {want to though], and I don’t think I’d want to live here either)
What kind of psycho demands not just one bachelor party of 20 people, but also a second one with…..more people?!?!?!?!
your brother is an animal
It’s not a big deal to not take your husband’s name if you don’t want to. It’s a decision that’s very personal and you should do what you feel comfortable with.
As a man, I do feel like I am sacrificing a lot in marriage. We did everything how my wife wanted, the big ring my wife wanted, the big wedding she wanted, she dictates most major decisions, etc etc. What I get is to have her take my last name (obviously in addition to having an awesome wife). That’s kinda it. If we were later on in careers and she had a legitimate professional reputation to uphold, maybe, but other than that I feel like it’s not too much to ask. Guess I’m just old fashioned.
Well maybe for you guys that kind of a balance worked, but your marriage isn’t indicative of every marriage, so she should still decide what works for her personally.
Obviously my marriage is not indicative of every marriage, but I do think maybe some ladies should take a step back and think about where the sacrifices are, and if this is really something that important to them or if maybe it’s something they can let their husbands “win”. Us guys need a W sometimes.
then maybe you should’ve replied to someone else’s comment, because my advice to her was not that she shouldn’t take his name, but to do what she personally feels comfortable with. If changing her name doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to her and she feels comfortable with it than she should do it, but if it’s not something she feels comfortable with, than she shouldn’t
I’m not married so maybe someone who is married could correct me if I’m wrong: isn’t a large part of the reason for marrying someone because you care about them just as much if not more than you care about yourself? So, if changing your name is something that you’re not ecstatic about, and your reasoning is that it’s inconvenient (like I’ve seen a few people say here), but it’s a bigger deal for your husband why wouldn’t you? Maybe I’m just traditional/a romantic/whatever you want to call me, but I’ve always felt like a big part of marriage is doing things you might not be excited about (or even really like) if it’s important to the other person in the marriage.
Not being excited about doing something and being uncomfortable with something are two very different things. For example, I’m not excited to go to work everyday but I’d be uncomfortable going to work if my boss hit on me at work. If your name feels like part of your identity and you don’t feel comfortable with making that lifelong change to your identity, then that’s different from just not really wanting to change your name because it’s inconvenient
So, if someone is “uncomfortable with that lifelong change to their identity” then why get married? That’s a pretty large lifelong change to one’s identity. If someone is that uncomfortable with it why can’t they just not get married and live together? Then there’s no pressure to even bother with the name change dilemma.
Guess what makes me comfortable and happy? Being married to my best friend in the world. Guess what makes me uncomfortable? Giving up my name, the one I’ve used as my identity for 29 years and the one that I earned my degrees with. And you know what? My husband doesn’t give a shit what my last name is, because I am still the woman he fell in love with, regardless of what my name is. Neither of us has one foot out the door because we are crazy in love and in this for life. FYI, plenty of people who share a last name split up so I’m pretty sure legal name changes have nothing to do with commitment. To the girl with the question: do what feels right for you, no pressure or judgement either way 🙂 If sharing a name is that important, ask your husband to take yours (watch how fast he freaks out…it’s totally okay to expect women to give up theirs, but god forbid men ever do it)
As I was once told (and I know I might get heat for this, please don’t obliterate me) :
“The man may be the head of the household but it is the woman that is the neck that gets that head to turn.”
Feel free to replace man with woman in the above and vice versa.
Re malaka, you are quoting my cousin Maria Portokalos. She always says the man may be the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the neck anyway she wants. Opa!
This is the correct and only response to this question.
No one should feel obligated but as a dude I would be disappointed.
In my mind it is like saying you are opposed to diamond trade and won’t be getting your lady a ring outside of a solid band.
Both are tired traditions, but traditions that a lot of people would feel disappointed in missing out on.
I would rather have a solid band than be pressured into taking my husband’s last name. It’s my choice ultimately, and I will most likely tack on whoever I marry’s last name onto my license/credit cards so I can still be Dr. Caffeinated professionally and Mrs. So-and-So socially if I choose to be. I don’t think diamond ring = changing your identity. Imagine if you were just assigned a new last name and everyone started calling you by it, just because society told you that this is the way it is.
Also: if it was a problem, you have options. Change your last name to a middle name, or hyphenate. I will never change my last name, I love it. But if it meant a lot to the other person I’d be open to compromise. To each their own.
I usually see the last name being transferred to the middle name. You still get to keep that personal tradition while maintaining your joint name.
I might get downvoted to hell for this, but to last name girl:
I could be reading into it, but it sounds like your fears are a little deeper than what your signature will look like. It sounds like you see your name as an important part of your identity (personally, I agree), and changing it is a reflection of the huge, life-altering decision you’re about to make. Marriage takes two independent people and, in many ways, requires them to function as a unit to be successful. It sounds to me like keeping your name is a way of keeping part of yourself intact – which is perfectly okay.
Anyway, there’s no right or wrong answer. Take some time and think about what feels right to you, and do that. The right man will love you either way, and who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?
Lady with the name-change dilemma…
1) Don’t worry about what other’s “expect of you.” This is between you and your husband and that’s it. Not their problem. Not their business.
2) If you really are having second thoughts about changing your name, here are two suggestions
– Change your middle name to your old/current last name, then change your last name to match your husband’s. That way you retain a bit of your name, while also “joining” the husband/wife partnership.
– Change your last name to a hyphenated version, with his last. i.e. Smith-Jones. Frequently you’ll just use “Jones” (his & yours), but it’ll still be distinct.
Regardless, decision is up to you, and perhaps you and your future husband should crack a cold one and have a talk about it.
Good luck, sister.
I have no problem taking a guys name but I’m sure as hell not giving mine up. If its an issue to him I’ll hyphenate (provided he doesn’t have something god-awful), our kids names can be whatever, I’m fine socially going by his last name but I’m not changing un-necessary documents or emails or anything, nor do I want to give up my name, I like it. Miiiight throw it in as a 2nd middle name for my future kids cause it sounds like a pretentious dick-bag move and that’s kinda on brand for me.
Define “something god-awful”
Also, having my mother’s maiden name as my only middle name always made remembering security questions easier.
“Julia Goolia”
I know someone with the last name Mycock. Wife and kids did not take it.
She definitely took it.
Underrated comment^
Went to school with a guy whose last name is Swallows. He remains unmarried.
Name change girl, just throw a curveball and change your last name to BananaHammock….
Or mine.
And this is my husband “Crap Bag”
All the cool kids are
Regarding changing your last name. Your thoughts sound very much like my wife’s, and while I can see the logic behind Dillon’s perspective, it’s not universal. She kept her last name, and no one close to us thinks we’re half assing things. You do you.
Guy with the hot/flirtatious receptionist: as we all know, 2018 is the year of shooting your shot. You know what to do. Two bachelor party guy seems like he has some Girl tendencies. Just have one big one.