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Breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day. It’s what fuels your body. Also, it’s delicious. Pancakes. Waffles. French toast. French fucking toast, guys. I love breakfast. However, I don’t like to eat it in the morning, which begs the question, is it still breakfast? After having an extensive argument with several of my friends on the matter, I’ve decided to settle it the only way I know how – by asking you, my internet friends. Let’s break down the two opinions.
Breakfast is a time of day.
What else could it be? It literally means “to break fast,” aka, your first meal after not eating all night (or for four hours if you wake up at 2 a.m. to snack like I do). Sure, there are many foods that are traditionally linked to this first meal, but the name “breakfast” refers to a time of day. No matter what you’re eating, if it’s before 10 a.m., you’re eating breakfast. If you eat pancakes for dinner, that’s exactly what is – dinner.
Furthermore, anyone claiming the opposite is a psycho and should be detained and tortured until they renounce their outlandish beliefs, á la the Spanish Inquisition. We live in a society of rules, goddamn it, and one of those rules is that certain meals are eaten at certain times of day. Where would we be if you could eat a steak at 8 a.m. and call it dinner? What if you have two meals between the hours of noon and two, like, say, you got so drunk on St. Patty’s Day that you forgot you ate lunch, passed out, and immediately ate another lunch. Just an example. Totally hypothetical. Would the second lunch be called dinner now? If so, what would you call the next meal eaten? Would that now be breakfast again?
No. No. That’s ludicrous. Humans may have invented time, but by god, that means we are now beholden to it. As long as we count the hours and minutes live our lives by them, the evening meal will be dinner, the midday meal lunch, and of course, the morning meal will be called breakfast. No exceptions. If you eat spaghetti at 9 a.m., you’re having a very weird, but also very delicious breakfast. We can’t just rename meals solely because some people have weird tastes.
Breakfast is a type of food.
What kind of anal, type-A personality puts time constraints on our meals? Breakfast isn’t a time of day, it’s a type of food, maybe even a lifestyle. Here are some of the approved breakfast foods. Pancakes. Waffles. French Toast. Eggs (scrambled, poached, benedict). Bacon (on its own). Hashbrowns. Oatmeal/porridge (I don’t know the difference between those, but that’s a discussion for another day). Sausage links. Muffins. Bagels, grits, and donuts are flex players that can be eaten for breakfast or lunch. I’m sure there are more, but that’s all I can think of for now.
The point is, if you’re eating any of the above foods, you’re eating breakfast. The time of day is erroneous. Blueberry pancakes at 8 p.m. is a delicious late breakfast. Eggos at 1 p.m. is a great, even if childish, mid-day breakfast. Our live are too short, too constrained, to let ourselves be beholden to certain meals at certain times of day. If you want to eat breakfast as the sun sets, that should be your god-given right as a free American. And if you eat spaghetti in the morning (again, just a weird, delicious, weird choice), then you’re simply having a very early lunch.
Our lives are ours to live, and ours alone. You should refuse to be forced to eat a meal at specific times, and you should refuse to miss out on certain foods simply because you didn’t eat them at the alleged “appropriate” time to do so. Maybe you work nights, because you’re a single mother who cares for her child during the day. You ever think of that, “breakfast is a time of day people?” No, I didn’t think so. It’s clear you hate single moms. Maybe you can’t eat breakfast because if you do, your gastrointestinal timer will start and you’ll poop your pants on the train to work. Who knows? Once again, completely hypothetical scenario.
The point is, breakfast is a type of delicious, hearty, sugary, fried food, and when you eat it has no effect on what meal it is. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
What do you think? Personally, I’m leaning towards the “type of food camp,” but I’m still undecided. Leave a comment and let me know. Next week, we’ll be tackling whatever the fuck “supper” is..
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Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
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noamio
It’s 2018. Eat whatever you want whenever you want. Problem solved.
#AssEatinSzn
Sup?
Hey there
Yes but I come to PGP for TAKES and Nick has delivered.
Neither, breakfast is a way of life.
I’m with you. There are breakfast people and non-breakfast people and non-breakfast people don’t know how to live.
I see your point, but I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, when I’m alone at night and can’t sleep, I cover myself in Vaseline, roll around on the floor, and pretend I’m a slug. With that being said, I think your claim lacks support.
Why not both?
On the topic of dinner, according to my dad who was raised on a farm and possibly born in a barn, “dinner” is the noon-meal and “supper” is the evening meal. He does not distinguish based upon amount or type of food served. I, however, have always found “lunch” to be the noon meal and used “dinner” or “supper” to refer to the evening meal. I defer to him when I visit home, because he is old.
My grandma, also raised on a farm, is the opposite. At my grandparents house, supper is a delicious weekend/holiday mid-afternoon large meal, usually featuring roast beef or turkey. Dinner there is later in the evening with the leftovers. Personally I don’t think many people under the age of 60 (north of the mason-dixon line) observe supper, but either way I’m interested in hearing other takes on this. The week after should be Pop vs. Soda
Living well north of the Mason Dixon but raised on a ranch, dinner is noon meal & supper is evening meal. Lunch is what you pack in a box/cooler, dinner & supper are served at a table.
Being from a rural area, here’s how we break down breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper.
Breakfast is your first meal of the day. Lunch is a light meal around 11-1ish usually. Dinner is a bigger meal anytime between 2-6ish. And Supper is leftovers or a lighter meal later in the evening usually after 7.
I believe the distinguishment comes more into play in rural areas. Farmers generally have a fairly big breakfast in the morning between 5-6 before going to chore. Often times they take a sandwich or something light to have for lunch while they’re out in the field. Then they usually come back in from the feild for a while after they’re done and that’s when they have their big dinner meal and relax for a bit. Then back out to do night chores for a while. Once they are done working for the night around they might have another light meal and that is supper.
But what about second breakfast?
And the Great Breakfast Debate Rolls on
I could go for some cinnamon rolls right now.
It’s a time of day. When people say they’re having breakfast for dinner they mean they’re having breakfast food for dinner. Shit, now I’m confused
this column truly encompasses a problem of the modern day post grad
Ahh the age old Breakfast Uncertainty principle – a less reknowned but equally important discovery by Heisenberg.
There is “breakfast/lunch/dinner time.” There is also “morning/noon/evening.” Saying just “breakfast,” while implying the morning, does not mean morning in of itself.