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The following is a Bumble conversation between Eric and a new match.
Tuesday
[11:13am]: You matched with Diane! Don’t be shy, make a connection.
Diane [2:15pm]: Heyy! I love the picture of you at the lake. Do you own a boat?
Eric [2:45pm]: Hey thanks! it’s like my favorite place to be. It’s actually my buddy’s boat, but the amount of time we spent wakeboarding on it this summer, I like to think it’s at least partly mine haha. Are you a lake person or an ocean person?
Diane [5:34pm]: Oh, too bad. I’m only looking for guys that own a boat.
Diane [5:35pm]: Just kidding! That’s cool that you wakeboard, I would probably drown trying haha. I’m more of a “sit on the beach and tan” girl lol.
Eric [6:41pm]: Haha well maybe we can teach other. I can show you how to stand on a wakeboard and you can…teach me how to lie on a towel for a few hours? Put sunscreen on like a pro? I’m not sure lol. So what else do you do for fun other than rock an awesome tan?
Diane [7:22pm]: Hey, don’t underestimate the skill it takes to lie on a towel for a few hours! It’s just as hard as standing on a board attached to a speeding boat *angry emoji* Hahah well I like to hike, travel, go to concerts, and sometimes knit, because I’m a grandma lol. And I enjoy going to restaurants and bars like everyone else, so I’m not a total grandma I guess haha. How about you?
Eric [8:51pm]: Wow, between knitting and lying on a towel, I don’t know if I’d be able to keep up with your fast-paced life…hahah just kidding, that’s actually super cool, I’ve never met anyone who knitted before. I also like hitting restaurants and bars like everyone else our age, and I love traveling. I’m actually trying to figure out where to explore next, do you have any ideas?
Eric [8:59pm]: P.S. messaging through this app sucks haha. If you’re cool with switching to phones, you should text me at 555-647-0908!
Wednesday
Unknown number [1:38pm]: Hiiii. It’s Diane. From Bumble lol. I don’t think I’ve ever texted a guy first before, so you should feel pretty special! Haha
Eric [1:44pm]: Haha, I guess we’re just super progressive with our switching of gender norms. Don’t worry, I’ll still be the one to ask you out, so you can stop planning the date I know you had in mind for us… *smirk emoji*
Diane [3:13pm]: Wowww a little cocky aren’t you? Lol how do you know I’d even say yes? I mean, you don’t even have your own boat. Maybe that’s all I care about…
Eric [3:38pm]: I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…or maybe I’ll just steal a boat and you’d have to say yes haha. Anyway, what does a marketing coordinator do? I actually have a friend who works for your company, but she’s on the sales side of things.
Diane [4:11pm]: So I basically help run our social media, marketing events, and advertising. Tbh, it’s a lot of calling and organizing things. I’m looking around for another job actually. Don’t tell your friend! Haha.
Eric [5:02pm]: Oh so you’re probably big on Twitter and stuff huh? Wait…are you an Instagram model? That would explain your exceptional tanning skills…
Diane [5:08pm]: Hahah shut up! I wish I was an Insta model, then I could just hang out on the beach my whole life. I wonder if they’d pay me for pictures of me knitting? What do you do for work?
Eric [6:36pm]: I think they only way they would is if you were wearing nothing but yarn or something hahah. I manage a team for a tech company. Basically just dealing with socially awkward engineers and wrangling them to finish stuff on time haha.
Diane [8:18pm]: Yeahh idk about that. Ooh nice that sounds interesting. Managing people must be fun.
Eric [8:24pm]: Haha yeah, it’s always interesting at least. Anyway, I think it’s time we meet up and get to know each other more in person haha. Are you free for drinks tomorrow evening?
Diane [8:40pm]: Yeah I think so! Where were you thinking?
Eric [8:42pm]: Great! Why don’t we do Molly McGee’s at 7?
Thursday
Eric [10:47am]: Hey, how’s your day going? Also, just checking that we’re still on for Molly McGee’s at 7 tonight?
Diane [11:42pm]: Sorry I fell asleep early last night. I think that works.
Eric [1:12pm]: That’s good! Ok, well let me know if you have to stay late or whatever and can’t make it.
Eric [5:45pm]: Hey, I’m just finishing up work and I’ll head to the bar soon. See you in a bit!
Eric [6:35pm]: Hey, sorry for all the texts. I haven’t heard from you and wanted to confirm that you can make it tonight haha. Let me know!
[7:33pm]: Diane has unmatched..
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
I can’t stop cringing from reading that many unnecessary “haha” texts.
Keep shooting, Eric.
2018 is the year of owning your jokes, sarcasm, and risky lines without a “haha” qualifier
Apparently studies show that not using “haha” at the end of a sentence, or using it at the beginning of a sentence, makes you appear more confident
I’ve been told that I always seem angry or not enthused because I use proper punctuation, like ending sentences with periods, and don’t say haha or lol unless I’m being ironic.
Some internet study (completely reliable) said people who end texts with periods come off as cold. I had to consciously stop myself double tapping the space bar after each of my sentences.
What’s more cold, being ghosted like this or being hit with a “k.”?
SO.MANY. Haha
The “wearing nothing but yarn” comment killed him.
I cannot believe I glanced over this the first time I read this. Oh Eric!
Plz Respond
One more text champ, I don’t think her phone is working.
Player’s Playbook for Success: If she doesn’t respond to 3 successive texts, they want you to call them.
Ugh….this has been the story of my dating life for the last 5 weeks. Why bother agreeing to meet up if you are going to ghost BEFORE anything happens?
At least she saved him the brutality of running up an expensive restaurant tab only to then ghost after the date
Are you saying you act and converse like fictional Eric?
If you’re texting that frequently there’s your problem. This shit was cringeworthy
It’s pretty common though. I would never ghost someone but these back and forth texts reminded me of how many times I rolled my eyes during these exact same exchanges.
Exactly. You need to ask for the date with the first 3-5 texts. The longer you wait the higher chance she’ll flake or lose interest.
Guys think they need to get to know a girl first and build rapport … But that’s exactly the entire point of dating.
I would love to think I’m smoother than Eric, but I know I’m not
These give me anxiety
Eric, you gotta do less. Don’t do nothing, but do less.
but also maybe nothing for a little while…..
Hey Nick, are you spying on me and writing about my sad life?
I suspect many of us are Erics in Denial. Would explain why every GBITG article has at least one person commenting “this gave me anxiety”. BTW Nick, this gave me anxiety
sounds like Diane stumbled upon the social media accounts