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“I mean, would it be weird to have co-Maids of Honor?” she asked Todd in the back of their Uber. Her phone had Waze up to make sure their driver was taking the correct route, and the voice of the Waze kept interrupting their conversation. She liked to keep the volume up to ensure the driver knew they were being watched.
Todd looked down at his phone, checking emails. “I’m really not sure, babe,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time. “John pretty much knew from the second we got engaged that he was going to be my best man so there hasn’t been any conversation surrounding it.”
“Wait,” she hesitated, “John is your best man?”
“Yeah, is that weird?”
“I mean…” she drew out.
“What? How is that weird? I literally talk to him every day.”
“Yeah,” she responded, “But you’ve only known him for, like, three years.”
Todd locked his phone and put it in his pocket. “Well, who do you think I should have? Wait, why are we even debating who my best man is? Don’t you need to sort out who your Maid of Honor is going to be?”
She rolled her eyes. “Just seems like you’d want to have a childhood friend or something, or, IDK, someone from college? Tyler?”
“Uhhhh,” Todd groaned, “I don’t think Tyler’s the right fit. And yeah, I’ll have everyone else in my party or as ushers. I don’t really think this is worth overthinking.”
Crossing her arms and looking out the window of the Kia Sorrento, she said, “Oh, so now I’m overthinking it? Okay…ye” without making anymore eye contact for the rest of their ride.
Two weeks had passed and the wedding planning still wasn’t where she wanted it to be. Tied up with another spring wedding that obviously wasn’t hers, she had yet to have a solid conversation with the wedding planner her mom had hired for her. The only thing she had control of was selecting her wedding party, which clearly was proving to be more of a burden than anything else.
In their group text, she wrote, “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy ladies. Is everyone in town this weekend? I know it’s late notice, but I got us a brunch rezzie at Table & Vine and was hoping you could all make it.” Shockingly, everyone responded that they could actually attend. Except Alex who took two days to respond. “Classic fucking Alex,” she muttered to herself when her text finally came through confirming that she’d be in attendance.
She showed up at 10 a.m. for their 11 o’clock reservation. Wearing a white dress, she set flower crowns down on each of the six placesettings along with name cards done in calligraphy that she picked up the day before.
Her seat was between Caroline and Katie, while Alex, Victoria, and Megan filled out the rest of the table. Worried that one of them was going to show up early, she knew she had a limited amount of time to set everything up.
The gift bags she set out included identical items: a hand-written note on her monogrammed stationary asking if they’d like to be her bridesmaids, a bottle of champagne with customized labels, etched champagne flutes, and small votive-sized scented candles. With a sigh of relief, she stepped back from the table and took photos of the setting that she knew she couldn’t put on Instagram for fear of her other fringe friends feeling slighted that they weren’t invited.
“Oh my Geeeee,” she heard booming from the entrance of the restaurant. “WHAT IS THIS?!”
Megan and Alex run-walked to the table with excitement. Without even thinking twice, they knew exactly why they were summoned to this brunch. A side text had been created when the initial invite was sent out, but seeing the table adorned with white lace and gift bags only solidified their predictions.
Shortly thereafter, the rest of girls emerged from their Ubers and entered the restaurant giving similar reactions.
“Girrrrrrrrrrl,” Victoria let out as she approached the table where champagne had already been poured.
“Ugh, what TOOK you so long to ask us?!” Katie belted out as she sat down and rifled through her bag, secretly wondering why she hadn’t already been asked to be the Maid of Honor prior to.
Caroline, the last to arrive, covered her mouth in fake-excitement, also secretly wondering if her or Katie’s gift bag would have something special in it.
With everyone seated, she clinked her glass and stood up. The entire restaurant looked over their shoulders to see what was going on and, for the first time since their engagement in Paris, she finally felt like the center of attention. Her veins pulsed with the excitement of standing up at her own wedding, and without hesitation, she began.
“I mean, obviously you all know why you’re here.”
They all over-smiled while gazing up at her.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to ask all of you, but obviously it would make my dreams come true if you would all be a part of my special day with Todd.”
They all looked at one another, still smiling as the restaurant looked on trying to figure out what was going on.
“It is without further ado, will all of you be my bridesmaids?”
Shrieks filled the restaurant despite most of them knowing for the better part of ten to fifteen minutes. Standing from their chairs, they stood up and individually hugged her while she reveled in the moment. All eyes were on her until they sat down and caught their collective breath.
With Caroline on one side and Katie on the other, it seemed evident that this was done intentionally. Not only to those two, but to the rest of the table as well. Caroline and Katie simultaneously dug through their bags as the small talk began, both hoping to find something extra special that signified one way or another that they were the chosen one to be Maid of Honor. Even as the conversation droned on, they side-eyed one another trying to figure out if there was any indication that the other had been asked to take on the role.
It wasn’t until about ten minutes had passed that there was a general realization that the festivities had come to a close and the rest of the morning and afternoon would take the course of a normal weekend brunch. With the elephant still in the room, the bride-to-be set her menu down and simply asked, “So, everyone ready to order?” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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“Hey man I wanted to see if you wanted to be my Best man?”
“Yeah man, absolutely.”
“Awesome, I’m excited. You need another beer?”
Pretty much word for word how my interaction went.
I got iced. Still said yes.
“Fuck I can’t believe I missed that putt. Hey, will you be my best man? Cool, alright let’s figure out the bachelor party.” VER-BA-TIM
I wrote the question at the end of the Christmas card that accompanied the box of homemade goodies we send out to friends and family every year. They snapchatted me back. No fuss and they got cookies.
Some people just want to watch the world burn. And Girl just threw on the gasoline.
she threw more gasoline on the fire
no different then you with Atlanta
I’ve been aggressively responding to all of his comments with fire references for the last several months and you beat me to this. Respect.
“for the first time since the engagement in Paris, she finally felt like the center of attention.” You have created a monster, Will.
I used to think Todd was probably a decent guy and someone who would be worth hanging out with. But, given how he puts up with Girl and is willing to marry her, I figure Todd must suck pretty hard.
Surprisingly, Girl’s maid of honor choice is nowhere to be found. Just like the Democrats are nowhere to be found on DACA. Gave them 6 months, they just don’t care. Where are they now? We are ready to make a deal! President Obama had 8 years to fix this problem, and didn’t. I am waiting for the Dems, they are running for the hills, SAD!…Now people are very afraid Crazy Girl will want to choose co-maids of honor. She does not want to do this, she clearly prefers the very annoying Caroline over Katie as a friend. However! she will do it to be petty to Caroline for making her share this role with Katie during her wedding – Very Smart trolling. Trump a fan of this move, BIG league!….Unfortunately all this poor wedding planning may cause Girl’s fairy tale ending to crash and burn in a complete disaster worse than Little Rocket Man’s failed missiles testing North Korea (accidentally hit their own city of Tokchon! Wow what a joke. Poor people of that country and poor Todd for all those wasted dollars on wedding). Maybe this will be an even greater disaster than the Oscars…Lowest rated Oscars in HISTORY. Too much pandering to the left in Hollywood. Problem is, we don’t have Stars anymore – except your President (just kidding, of course)! HAH
I’d love to see Girl’s wedding venue be Bedminster.
Hunger Games style contest for MOH position, this is the storyline we need.
Joker style. Snap a pool cue in half and tell them to make it quick.
Thanks for the inspiration. I now know how I will choose between my 2 older sisters.
Does Todd have enough friends for this many bridesmaids?
Reunion of the Derby crew
She has 5 bridesmaids, that’s not very many
Uh…
Any more than 3 is a lot.
I was a co-maid of honor last year. It is 100% always an awkward situation. Please make Girl do this for the tent.
First time she was ever on time for a reservation…or probably anything in her life for that matter.
dont count out the future pregnancy
Having Waze out during an Uber ride is fucking psychotic.
This makes me so happy that my friend just drunkenly asked me at a bar if I’d be her Maid of Honor. We took shots to celebrate and that was that.