======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dill, long time… first time…. no one gives a fuck anyway I’m looking for some advice recently got a little too inspired watching the olympics and broke my leg skiing trying to land a trick that let’s just say I had no business attempting. (See attached xray if I remember) Not a bad break, but bad enough where I had to be tied to a sled and pulled down the mountain by ski patrol. Fun. Followed by a grueling 8 hr ride home. Also fun. Notice how I said ride bc it was my right leg and driving is now not an option. Even more fun.
So back to the issue at hand and no my immobility is not the issue it’s the fact that my normal hookup is trying to smash and idk if that’s a good idea. What are the chances of me Re injuring myself in this act, what is a safe position. Keep in mind this girl is primo and will not hit me back if this doesn’t go well. Do I risk losing this absolute babe or play it safe and heal up? Please send wise words also I’m in a full hard cast ankle to groin at a 15 degree bend at the knee just so u get the idea.
Coincidentally the break is shaped like an L
As someone who A) is not a doctor nor medically qualified in any manner to discuss the integrity of broken/healing leg bones, B) has never broken his leg, and C) because of previously stated “B”, has never engaged in a sex act of any kind with a cast on my leg, I am totally the right person to answer these questions.
The chances of re-injuring your leg, unless you’re trying to pull off some Cirque du Soleil bullshit in the bedroom, are pretty low. Just don’t attempt anything that’ll put too much pressure on that thing and you have nothing to worry about.
Let’s talk positions now. That cast is inconvenient to say the least. Ankle to groin, and slightly bent.
Doggy is out. Missionary seems challenging. Anything exotic that involves contorting or bending is not happening. I believe your only options are cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. The bad news is you’re limited to just two options. The goods news those are pretty dope sex positions. Bonus: You have to do very little work.
Have sex with this girl. If it’s not great, blame it on the injury and she’ll hopefully give you a mulligan.
What’s up Dill Pickle,
Long time first time ya know,
I have known a girl for 4 years this summer. Most of our college years. We have been dating/talking/friends for most of that time, at least one of the options above. My problem is that I am somewhere between 0-4 when it comes to sexual attraction to her. I assume she finds me attractive and honestly she’s a total dime that I could see spending my life with, funny, good looking, athletic. The whole package. I just don’t find her sexually attractive like I think I should.
Thoughts? Do I leave the girl of my dreams cause I don’t find her “hot” even though she objectively is?
If you read last week’s Mailbag, you know how I feel about relationships that lack intense sexual attraction. The short version: They should be friendships instead.
Being “a dime,” as you clearly know, isn’t always enough to complete the package. There are other elements involved. You’re between 0-4 out of 10 regarding sexual attraction to her, so it’s not like you’re even kind of into her in that way. A zero means you find her as sexually attractive as a cinder block or a wheel of cheese. A four means that in a random sampling of 10 women, ranging from heinous to absolute sexpot, you’d prefer to sleep with six others before choosing her.
That’s your range here, and that, sir, is pure shit.
Whaddup Dillon,
Long time toucher and big fan of the column, first time writing in since this is something which requires your expertise;
A couple of a years ago, a friend of mine submitted an application of me to The Bachelorette without my knowing it. I ended up getting an email about it but when I replied nothing happened, and I dropped it thinking it was a practical joke.
Fast forward to this past holiday season (about a year later), and I get a call from an unknown number – it’s the casting director of The Bachelorette, asking again if I’d like to audition to be a contestant this year (I cross referenced on LinkedIn, it checks out). The kicker is that my friend who submitted the app didn’t submit me a second time, and none of my other friends stepped up when I asked so I’m assuming they’re using the same profile from two years ago.
I declined again, seeing as I’m a first year law student in a new city and I didn’t think that move would be the most responsible decision in my situation. However, if they call back a third time next year, should I go for it? I don’t watch the show at all, but I can’t lie and say that I’m not intrigued by the fact that they came back without a new application. Let me know what you think – and if I make it on the show I’ll make sure to give you a shout out and rep Grandex gear exclusively.
Happy birthday to the Homie and Salute, King
This is tough. It’s something I’ve thought about a lot, actually, and I’ve never leaned one way or the other. There are serious pros and cons to being on The Bachelorette.
The biggest pro: You gain a certain level of fame/notoriety that you can use to springboard your career. The biggest con: You become “that person who was on The Bachelorette.” Your personal life can get exposed and people take you less seriously. You also could get pigeonholed as “that douchebag who went on a reality TV show to find love.”
In my opinion, the deciding factor should be your professional situation. If you don’t have much going for you, I say go for it. You’re on your way to a career in law, however. I would pass.
Dillon,
I have what seems to be an unprecedented situation on my hands. I have been dating this guy for over a year. (Real actual dating. We’re counting from when I was his date at an out of town wedding). We’ve met each other’s parents, our parents have even met, we’ve traveled out of the country together, we’ve talked about moving in together…but neither of us have dropped the “L” bomb.
To be fair, we’re both self-admitted non-sharers and not communicating feelings very well has always been something we’ve had in common as well as something we’ve had to actively work on.
I recently accepted a promotion that almost doubles my salary and puts me in the bread-winner position, but requires me to relocate. He’s agreed to join me *as soon as possible,* but still hasn’t said the magic words.
It has officially gotten to the point that it bothers me. Do I make it a conversation? Am I ruining some magical moment he has planned 4 years from now? Or do I just say it and see what happens? I should probably mention that I definitely love him, but it would mean less hearing as a response, as he’s more of a “say the right answer to avoid conflict” type.
I would “like” some insight.
Do I make it a conversation? No.
Am I ruining some magical moment he has planned 4 years from now? That’s dumb.
Or do I just say it and see what happens? Obviously.
This is maybe the easiest question I’ve ever had to answer since starting the Mailbag. Over a year in and neither of you have said what you’re obviously feeling? What’s the matter with you?
Say it.
Hola compadre,
I’m throwing a Bachelor Trip for my brother. We’re going to New Orleans and that’s about all I know. Your boy is a rookie at this so I figured I’d ask an all-star for some help. Do you have any suggestions for things to do/places to go, and other Do’s and Don’ts for this?
God bless,
Me.
• Stay either on Bourbon or one street over.
• Eat a nice restaurant one night.
• Eat cajun food for most of your meals.
• It’s okay to skip Café du Monde.
• It’s okay to venture off Bourbon, but it’s not okay to venture to the wrong parts of town.
• Don’t spend more than two hours at Harrah’s.
• Spend one hour at Rick’s Cabaret for the novelty of it.
• Go to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop.
• Go for two nights only. No more, no less.
• Don’t buy cocaine on Bourbon. It’s not cocaine..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Am I the only one that’s confused about the guy who thinks a girl is “a total dime, funny, good-looking, athletic,” but isn’t sexually attracted to her? Does she smell bad? Is she hella racist? What’s the missing factor that makes this girl go from a dime to a 0-4?
It’s because people over use the term Dime and don’t know what it means.
If I had a dime for every fuckface that said “she’s a dime”, I’d have a lot of dimes so I could cash them in for a private jet filled with dimes that are female and feelings or whatever
If I had a dime for every time you’ve irritated my sense of rationality, I’d be joining you in the PJ lyfe.
I really appreciate that, man
yeeeep, they definitely mean conventionally attractive, but not worth settling down with level looks. They are just being nice.
Dimes are overrated, the drachma is where its at
Either he is questioning his sexuality or watching way too much porn
To the couple who’ve been together over a year and haven’t said that you love each other, how have you not gotten drunk and had this conversation yet?
“I love my boyfriend but haven’t told him that yet, and I am upset that he hasn’t told me he loves me yet.”
Good to see feminism is still alive and well in 2018.
I find a wheel of cheese moderately sexually arousing, myself.
Don’t wear shoes you care a whole lot about in New Orleans
Seems like at least one person ends up just sacrificing a pair to the voodoo gods on bourbon street.
“I betchu $10 I can guess where you got yo shoes.”
On yo feet. Pay up.
Yeah I threw up on my boyfriend’s boots. But he still talks to me??
That’s true love right there.
But has he said it yet?
Or shirt, evidently. I may have caused some bodily pyrotechnics in an uber, and on my coworker last week after leaving Bourbon. Oops. Those hurricanes’ll get ya.
Day dreaming about a promotion that almost doubles my salary. PGP.
What the fuck is it with people thinking they should date someone they’re not attracted to? That relationship won’t go anywhere. She’s not the girl of your dreams if you don’t constantly want to bone her.
It seems to be happening with increasing frequency nowadays. It is weird as hell. Nonetheless, this whole FOMO but still looking for the next best thing culture is seriously hampering the dating scene.
First guy, congrats on the sex ya dummy. Good luck.
Broken leg gentleman, please see below.
How to bump fuzzies with a busted talfin. Source: Busted tailfin age 19 (Poseidon-based calendar).
1) Doggystyle- still possible, just put the fin in question way out baseball catcher style. Try not to go too hard in the paint with this one.
2) Standing, Missionary, 86.7% of Kama Sutra- Mr. Cheverere is right, will make your sitch worse
3) Cowgirl, variants 1-3- proceed as normal, just make sure they dont come down hard on the broken fin
4) Wheelbarrow- one side only, the one that doesn’t put the weight down on fin in cast
Recommendation: take this as opportunity to sharpen foreplay skills,
I lost my virginity to someone with a broken leg. It wasn’t the full leg cast but he did actually attempt missionary. It was horrible but not the worst sex of my life. Keep her on top. She should understand.
Agreed. What kind of monster wouldn’t understand that someone with a broken leg probably shouldn’t overwork himself?
I had a buddy who asked a girl with two wooden, prosthetic legs if she could get on top. So yeah, plenty of people out there who wouldn’t understand.
love the “nugget” fetish