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I go through life taking everything I hear with a large grain of salt. It’s not that I don’t trust that people are being truthful with me. But we’re all stretching the truth to make it a little more palatable for our audience, aren’t we?
My shortcomings as a human being exacerbate my problem with trusting people because, simply put, I like to lie. It’s an enjoyable activity for me. Sometimes I lie when it’s inconvenient and completely unnecessary to do so, and because of this my tolerance for other people’s bullshit is quite high.
I have no problem admitting this because I’m pretty sure everyone around me – friends, acquaintances, and otherwise – is also lying their ass off whenever possible.
I’d like to sit here and say that I see the good in all people but that would be an outright lie. My glib attitude towards others is just a part of my personality. I’m cynical and that’s not going to change.
When someone tells me that they’re moving to NYC or Los Angeles because they just got a job with a large hedge fund day trading, I’ll wish them well in their new endeavor and change the subject because in my head I just don’t believe it. Yeah, they could be telling the truth, but the chances of that guy actually getting the job he says he got with some huge hedge fund at 25 are slim to none. The reality is he probably is starting at the entry level and he’s exaggerating it a little bit for effect. Fine by me. It’s not like I’ll call him on his bullshit; I’ll just internalize and keep on trucking.
At my age, from my perspective everyone is a dirty, rotten liar and the sooner you’re able to accept that the better your life is going to be. People love to inflate their job titles when they talk about them cavalierly at a happy hour after work or with extended family during the holidays.
And this isn’t even a knock on people who do this. Lord knows I have lied plenty of times about what it is I do for a living to women I’m trying to impress or some guy I’ve just been introduced to who is slightly intimidating.
I think a lot of us find it hard to admit that lying is really fun. Why would Panic! At the Disco make a song (which is an absolute heater, by the way) called “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off” if it wasn’t true? Or maybe I’m just a deeply disturbed individual.
I lie every single day of my life. I lie to friends, family members, colleagues, and girls who I’m having or actively trying to have sex with. They may be tiny white lies like “Oh, I’m just walking into the grocery store, can I call you back?” when, in reality I’m in the middle of a movie on my couch, but they’re still lies.
There’s a great scene in The Departed, where Leonardo Dicaprio’s character is having coffee with his therapist after a rather intense session. They’re discussing why people lie, and why the act is necessary “to keep things on an even keel.” I know that I shouldn’t live my life according to a Martin Scorsese movie, but that quote really resonates with me when I’m about to lie to someone. Sometimes it justs makes more sense to stretch the truth a little bit.
I lie to spare people’s feelings. I lie to get free food at work. And I lie when I’m just shooting the shit with people at social events. I think in the end this is a positive character trait, and one that allows me to see people in a more accurate, albeit cynical light. Or maybe I’m just a sociopath..
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jduda@grandex.co
For those that want a TL;DR version: Duda is a shitbag
With Fake it Till You Make It as your user name are you really qualified to chime in here?
Sincerity is key, if you can fake that you’ve got it made.
Groundbreaking take
I bet dave11686 doesn’t lie.
No, I’m a straight shooter. For the record, I don’t know who Dave Ruff is, but I’m not him.
Oh, trust me, we know
That’s exactly what a Dave would say, Dave.
oh wow my favorite movie
Still waiting on my dvd…
Your honesty about lying is needed. Ironic, but needed. If you’re not stretching the truth on a frequent basis, then you’ve simply accepted that shit is as good as it is going to get.
Never let the truth get in the ways of a good story.
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off is a damn good song.
I tend to take most of what a guy says with a grain of salt…it is really hard for me to trust what they are saying, which leads to problems when it comes to dating and me being able to open up to them. I know I am being over-protective of myself, but I just wonder at what point can you really believe what a guy is telling you. How do you really ever know? This article proves my point, I think.
This is heartbreaking stuff. You either think so highly of yourself you believe men would regularly have to lie to have a chance with you, or you think so poorly of men you generalize them as lying idiots…either way it’s a sad way to live a life and I hope things change, or even better…you meet a good dude that proves you wrong.
It is definitely not the former, but I’m also not generalizing them all as lying idiots. I’ve just had too many recent experiences where I’ve detected bullshit or dishonesty that it’s hard to get past that. I’m definitely working on putting out a more open and trusting vibe like VUmobile mentions below, and try my best to give a guy the benefit of the doubt. I realize talk is cheap and I’d prefer to watch a guy’s actions that will show me that I can trust him.
19th Hole I think that was a pretty condescending comment. I completely get where Rachel is coming from especially after having been recently seriously burned by a guy when I finally truly let my guard down and was vulnerable. It blew up in my face and now not only am I hurt but I feel like an idiot for trusting him in the first place. The idea of being so open to again is terrifying and I don’t see it happening for a while.
Find you a guy who is nothing like Duda lol. Just watch and see if the guy you are interested in does what he says he’s going to do, he’ll show you who he is pretty quickly. When you start noticing that what he says doesn’t line up with things in his life, it’s time to ditch him and find a guy who tells the truth.
Going through life doubting everyone and being closed-minded seems exhausting. If you put out a trusting/open vibe, I bet you’ll find some good guys who will reciprocate that. Yeah you might get burned by an asshole, but I’d hope the good in people comes through more frequently with a different outlook
I guess it proves your point about one guy who has a reputation for being cynical and has already written about lying to women? I don’t see how it matters beyond hat point. Some guys lie, some guys don’t, there’s no profound conclusion to be found here
Live honestly and deal with the consequences.
“The only way to create order out of chaos is to tell the truth.” -Dr. Jordan Peterson Seems like Duda enjoys embracing chaos.
Chaos is a ladder
That leads straight down to hell lol
Just when I (we) think you can’t get any worse…
As mentioned above, at least you’re honest about your lying.