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I went on a fantastic first date the other night. Which, on the brink of 2018, is rarer than finding a Bitcoin dipped in plutonium. The chances of having a good first date are approximately 3,720/1. But I defied the odds. Normally first dates are pretty “meh” and I’m constantly ambivalent towards the girl I just went out with. And when I’m wishy-washy about a girl, I generally leave the ball in her court, so to speak, when it comes to throwing around the idea of a second date. (Just because I’m not over the moon about her doesn’t mean I won’t try and schtup, you know?)
So when I’m on the fence about a girl, I’m never one to be in my own head about when to text her, or what to say, or how to throw out the idea of a second date. She might text me and say she had a nice time, I might text her to make sure she got home safe. The usual shit, but I’m never thinking about it too much because, honestly, I couldn’t really care all that less. If we go out again, maybe I’ll get laid. If I don’t? I just saved myself from spending upwards of a few hundy bingo dingos on a girl whose number will eventually just sit in my contacts list unused for eternity.
But not the girl last night. She was great. So, as soon as the date concluded with a goodnight kiss, I began the internal debate that I usually never have: Do I wait for her to text me, or should I just text her?
It truly is a tale as old as time (or I guess, as old as SMS messaging was invented). If we really want to talk about what it used to be look in the olden days, it was all about how long you wait to call her (Six days, according to Swingers) but since it’s not the Bronze Age and we’ve got iPhones, communication is much faster. So you have to be quick. But not too quick, right? Because while on the one hand it’s polite to ask if she got home okay, maybe you come across a little too much like an eager beaver if you immediately reach out like 30 minutes after you said goodbye.
But that’s also silly because in the modern dating world, beautiful women are getting Bumble matches more often than our President tweets, so I can’t wait too long, either. With all that in mind, I’ve broken down the Mexican standoff that is the period immediately following a good date, up until the time someone sends the first follow-up text.
30-60 minutes post-date.
Generally, it’s pretty tried and true: just say you had an awesome time and make sure she got home okay. If you want to throw some spice in the dish, obviously you can call back to some inside joke from the night. The downside here is you can’t really get right back into a good text rhythm because it’s basically bedtime, so one of you would have to break the ice the following day.
The next morning (early).
This one seems to say that you were thinking about the person and really wanted to potentially start the convo early. I think it’s cute, but maybe it’s a bit disruptive, too? You never know if you’re interfering with the gym, or something else in their morning routine, so the pitfall is maybe he/she can’t get to the text right away, and you’re stuck in that awful circle of Dante’s Inferno where you’re waiting for a text back for what seems like eternity.
The next morning (late).
Not too late in the day, but also not wicked early either. Thinking like, 10:30ish? That way, you can hope that even if they have a hectic morning, they’ll hopefully be down to chat come their lunch break.
SPOILER ALERT: This is the one I opted for – ’round about 10:00 – and we launched into a conversation that lasted pretty much all day. Phew.
The afternoon.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until the next afternoon. Maybe it comes off as you’re trying to play it cool, but come on. It’s still less than 24 hours from the original date which is fine. The problem here is if neither of you have reached out by afternoon the next day, you start getting into the Mexican standoff sitch. You start thinking that maybe she didn’t like you as much as you thought, or maybe you said one wicked idiotic thing that is giving her pause. If you wait this long and you haven’t heard from them, it can fuck with your head.
The following evening.
I find it kind of cute to think about us both being snuggled into our respective couches, her watching college basketball and me watching The Holiday, cautiously crafting messages back and forth. But…BUT, what if she’s got another date or something fun planned the next evening and now you’ve fired off a text and might have to wait hours for a reply? Highway to the danger zone.
More than 24 hours after the date.
Don’t be an idiot. Text her before this.
And most importantly, there are no rules on who should text first. Guy, girl, it doesn’t matter. .
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
DON’T READ IF EASILY OFFENDED:
If you masturbate and still feel like texting her, she’s the one.
literally was thinking about that last night. I’m done.
I texted my now fiance, wife in a month, about an hour after our first date. With a standard “I had a great time, I’d love to see you again” text, she responded, I ended the conversation saying I was going to bed. Then mid morning the next day, told her I hope she has a great day or something. You want something, you go get it.
This right here is the way to go. Assuming the date went well, follow up, end the text conversation by going to bed, and then touching base the next day.
Which base? Second? Home?
You know, as soon as I hit “post” I cringed when I realized what I said.
Never tell me the odds!
The key to this is actually getting a first date.
Power Play: just die alone.
I like my new girlfriend’s outlook on this: If you like the person and want to talk to them, do it. Not to shit on the article but putting timeframes on when and how often you’re “allowed” to text someone is sort of dumb. If you’re going to talk, you’re going to do so whether you text a day after or an hour after. Stop thinking about it so much it’s really trivial in the big picture.
My girlfriend and I had a 4-hour first date (drinks that ended up becoming dinner and then more drinks) and made plans for the second date at the end of the first date. I texted her the next day around lunchtime to say I had a good time and to confirm the second date. Then I held off texting her until the second date (a few days later) because I believed, and still do, that frequent texting in the initial stages of dating is a bad idea. It wasn’t until a few dates into us dating that we stated texting daily.
I’m the same way. If a date was meh, I really don’t care about texting them after. If it was amazing, I just text the morning after and don’t waste any time. I normally assume if the feelings are reciprocated, I’ll hear from a guy within half a day post date. If not, I assume he’s meh about it.
Don’t text her, sacrifice yourself to the gods of the dating world. When you realize this was a bad move text her 3 days later and come across as desperate. Follow up with a string of non-commital texts. String out the relationship until it dies.
I thought you wait 3 days to call (like Jesus and Barney Stinson). Then again this is all hypothetical anyway.