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My friends and I have a code language when we text. I won’t delve too deep, but the one that gets my motor running the most is “OOT.” It means simply “Out Of Town,” or more extensively, “My wife/girlfriend/fiancee is out of town. See you boys at the bar around 3 p.m., I’ve already stopped for a solo beer at Red Robin on the way back from dropping her off at the airport.”
It’s just special.
Once word starts going around the group chat that someone’s boo is OOT, the monkeys start hooting and hollering. A slight twinge of anxiety starts rising in my chest and I quickly formulate a plan on jetting out of work early.
This poor guy has been under lock and key for far too long. Now that his main piece is out of the area code, he is free to roam and embrace his wild nature as was ingrained in his DNA by thousands of years of evolution. Not that he’s gonna cheat, that’s scumbag shit. Secondly, this guy has been out of the game so long he doesn’t know how to string together a sentence to any woman who isn’t his wife or mother-in-law. He’s uncaged and wants one thing: to get absolutely shithoused and chill with his dudes.
Once you have secured an early departure from work, you’re meeting up with this guy at a bar you and your pals used to frequent a few years back. Shit, he might have even met his wife at this very bar. Regardless, he’s two to three drinks ahead of you and is ready to mix it up. It’s not like this guy can’t drink anymore. The two of them are putting down a handful of Kim Crawford bottles each week. He’s just free from the tether now. Like a dog that’s been on a leash for too long, he’s ready to run free. He also might get hit by a car. We’ll see.
He wants it all. He’s ready to take on the night at full speed. Shooters, snooters and Hooters. We’re full bore. Take her to sea, Mr. Murdoch. Party like it’s the mid-2010s. If you’re not careful, he’s gonna be off the rails before dinner. It’s okay, though. He’s been housebroken by a good woman. His manners are impeccable.
For dinner, it’s gonna be either a high-end steakhouse with a heavy buzz or a bar & grille with some sort of bottomless appetizer special. Dinner’s gonna go one of two ways: He’s gonna get absolutely wrecked on martinis after foolishly ordering a salad at the steakhouse or eat too much to get drunk at the bar and grille. But honestly, if you haven’t been carried out of a steakhouse before, you’re living a C+ life. At best.
Alright, so he’s shitfaced. You knew this was going to happen and you’re honestly happy for him. Almost as happy for him on his wedding day. He married a great girl, but you miss your buddy. You miss the big guy. And here he is. Full pads, full contact. He’s gone into rarified air and everyone’s flying high. Literally, you’re all fucking high.
Post-dinner, it’s a cigarette. Several of them, in fact. My man grabbed that emergency pack of P-Funks out of the garage and is huffing them down like he knows how fucked he is if bae finds them while looking for her ski boots.
Then it’s back to the bar where he will begin a slow fade into a mute as he reaches levels of drunk he hasn’t seen this side of 2015. So, he’ll go home and drunk dial his lover while eating an entire bag of Pirate’s Booty (gonna pay for that one later, bud) and she’ll call him a “fucking dumbass” and ask him what the hell he’s trying to say. He’ll end the call with a slurred “I luh yeu s’much, beb.”
And that’ll be it. He’ll be back in the confines of his happy relationship, and that’s okay. For all boys must become men. But every once in awhile, the boy escapes. He runs, he runs as fast as he can, chasing fleeting youth just one more time.
That’s a feeling we all chase. That feeling you get when you see those three magical letters: “OOT.” .
Image via Netflix
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Honestly one of the best columns I’ve read on PGP
Agree 100%. Story development at 100.
“He also might get hit by a car”- I’ve never seen a more accurate statement.
My wife is taking the kid to a play date tomorrow, so I have about 5 hours to get crazy. Houston brunch isn’t going to know what hit it.
That’s a special kind of Saturday.
What’s your brunch spot(s)? Just had to ditch mine (long story) so I’m taking any Houston PGPer suggestions
So many, but love Hearsay downtown. Downhouse has always been a go-to. Looking to mix it up though.
Big Downhouse fan.
Down the Street is probably my fav place. Food is good, drinks are cheap, and I can bring my pup.
Depending on where you are in Houston. I like Adair Kitchen or Dish Society.
Have you been to Piggy’s? or Punks? Both pretty solid
If you’re looking for less bougie and more “divey place that’ll serve you very strong punch at 9am (10 on Sundays)”, Natachee’s in Midtown is a great spot. Went with one HungoverAF a few weeks ago. Third time I went in 5 weeks despite not living in Houston. Has yet to disappoint
Bosscats for over the top food, Benjys when I’m feeling bougie, federal grill for bottomless mimosas, onion creek when I have a crippling hangover
So many Houston PGPers coming out of the woodwork.
How bout that snow last night?
All the socials are inundated with snow related posts.
Sounds like we need a group thread or something. Can never have too many drinking buddies…
I recently moved to Houston and would absolutely be down to meet up with some of the H-Town PGPers!
Being carried out of the steakhouse after over-indulging in pre-dinner drinks is a tradition unlike any other. Sometimes you just need to go to a really nice bar and drink until they ask you to leave.
I believe that the Masters copy righted that phrase.
but what you have there is a close second
The emergency pack of cigs and the trouble they cause really hits home
It’s always more my wife than me who ends up buying cigs, even though she only smokes one,thus I don’t get in trouble for it if I chain smoke the rest.
None of my friends’ tethers detach. PGP
Unless you have kids, I really don’t get this. Why are men letting their significant others control them so tightly that they have to wait until she’s out of town to “let loose”? Are they that whipped?
Eh. For me it’s more like the fact that a bottle of cab, 1/2 a bottle of bourbon and 3-5 cigarettes is objectively an unhealthy evening, and I need to hide my shame.
Half of them are “Oh, well me and ABC were thinking of *insert bullshit reason* while the others are “Great! Me and ABC will meet you there!”
I have a friend who moved out of town with his girlfriend a few months back. These two are completely attached at the hip. They’ll be back in town for the holidays and I was talking to him about (what I thought) us two getting dinner and catching up. A few days ago he sends a group text to me, my girlfriend and his girlfriend about us four getting dinner. Never mind that it wasn’t discussed and my girlfriend knew I wanted it to be us two. Upon confronting him about it, he says that his girlfriend wants to see me and my girlfriend…even though we don’t like her.
Long story short, I’ll probably be third wheeling that dinner because my girlfriend has other plans that night. I’ve basically come to accept that I will probably never hang out with just him ever again. It wouldn’t surprise me if his girlfriend made their bachelor/Bachelorette parties together so that they could be together.
Whew, I needed to vent that out to someone that’s not my girlfriend. Felt nice rant to internet strangers.
Damn Bill this exactly like one of my best buds. Except he lives 10 mins away and his fiancé is a monster. I️ never get that OOT text because she won’t let him out of her sight.
You’re not the only one, I lost a buddy to one of those as well.
You always need to know when to bring the significant other and when not to. If everyone is leaving their husbands/boyfriends at home so am I. Also, what girl doesn’t get the hint that if youre not bringing your girlfriend she shouldn’t go either?
His girlfriend. I’ve actually spoken to him about her a few times over the span of their relationship. A few years back, about 6 months into their relationship, he and I went to a basketball game on a Saturday afternoon. She got upset that he wasn’t spending enough time with her and that he chose to go to the game with me over spending time with her, even though he’d already seen her a few times that week and was going to see her again after the basketball game.
I told him then that this probably wasn’t the best sign, but he didn’t listen. Now, about 2 years later, given that they moved to another city and live together, there’s literally no point in saying anything anymore. Maybe I’ll save one last try for a drunken rant at his bachelor party (assuming she’s not there), but the odds are not in my favor. Saying that she has his balls in a vice-grip is an understatement. But hey, she makes him happy, and at the end of day, I just want my friend to be happy.
You’re a good man Bill.
I guess you’re being a good friend by saying you just want him to be happy but this is not a good situation. I’m glad you’re letting it all out to internet strangers and not to him if you’ve already expressed your concern to him.
That…that is some weak ass shit.
Sameish boat, but same city and thankfully I am pretty good friends with the girl. If I wasn’t I’d end up cutting him off because it’s always, “wanna grab dinner and watch the game at X” and when I show up I’m a third wheel.
Was carried out of my first steakhouse two weekends ago.
This was fantastic. Very well done and very relatable. 10/10 here.
“fucking dumbass”
LOL.
The fact that spending time with friends outside of the confines of a committed relationship demonstrates the need for a paradigm shift in the social norms of our culture.
Besides the fact that we didn’t evolve to live in big cities feeling lonely despite being surrounded by people, it also makes little sense to expect to be socially fulfilled by one other person and your coworkers a majority of the time. No matter how well you get along with your partner, you gotta have bro/girl time with your friends.
This article made me a little sad.
Not that it was bad.
Just kinda like someone saying “I always LOVE when my parents don’t make me sleep outside!”
It’s not a overtly bad thing but like, wouldn’t a different general set up be better?