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She cracked open the planner she’d bought in the beginning of the year. It made a crackling noise in the same way a new textbook did signaling that she probably should’ve begun using it sooner than she actually did.
After she had given Todd a trip to Paris, she knew her schedule was going to be inundated with appointments, planning, and emails sent overseas that wouldn’t get responded to until the next day – if they even respond at all. “You know those laissez-faire French,” she told Todd the night before.
In order to really nail her schedule down, she knew she’d have to take things a step further than her Google calendar. The planner she bought from their local bookstore (#shoplocal) seemed like the perfect fit for her pre-trip prep. Oiled leather, tan pages, and a creme-colored ribbon to mark her place, the planner itself wasn’t just French – it was downright Parisian.
“Hi,” she said into the speaker of her iPhone that sat on the kitchen island. “Is there any way I can make a standing Thursday appointment from now until the first week of December?”
She tapped her pencil waiting for the receptionist to see if this was a remote possibility.
“I think we can actually accommodate that,” the receptionist finally confirmed after about two minutes of clicking and typing on her end. “Last name?” she asked.
“Fitz-pat-trick,” she said slowly into the phone. “F-I-T-Z-P-A-T-R-I-C-K.”
“Okay, Mrs. Fitzpatrick–” the receptionist said before getting immediately interrupted.
“Miss.”
“Ah, yes,” she said apologetically, “Miss, so sorry about that.”
“It’s okay,” she assured her, even though it most definitely wasn’t okay.
“Would 4:30 work for you moving forward?” the receptionist kindly asked.
She ran her finger up and down the binder wasting time so not to blow her cover to the receptionist that she really didn’t have much else going on. After twenty seconds of hesitation, she acknowledged, “You know, I think that will actually work perfectly.”
“Awesome,” the receptionist confirmed. “4:30 every Thursday until November 30th except, of course, Thanksgiving Day in which we are closed.”
For a brief moment, she panicked. “But isn’t Thanksgiving the week right before we go to Paris?” In her head, she pronounced “Paris” in the same way the French pronounced it – “Pair-ee.” She licked her finger and rapidly began flipping the pages until she got to the end of November in her planner.
“Okay,” she hesitated, “But I definitely have an appointment the week after Thanksgiving on the 30th, right?”
“Yes,” she was promised, “A week after Thanksgiving.”
She wiped her forehead and muttered, “Phew.”
“Alright, perfect,” she finally confirmed with the receptionist. “Thursdays at 4:30 it is.”
She pressed the red hang-up button on her phone and began scribbling every appointment down in her planner as if it wasn’t easy enough to remember as it was. Upon finishing and stretching her hand out because she hadn’t written that much in months (if not years) she picked her phone back up and began texting Caroline.
“Soooooo,” she began typing. “I did something bad.”
A “…” immediately showed up with a Read Receipt from Caroline.
“At lunch,” she responded. “What’s up?”
“Sooooooooo I just made standing nail appointments at that spa we went to last month…” she shot back.
Again, the “…” immediately popped up only for Caroline to press send with “Hahahahahahaha.”
“Like,” she kept typing, “I know it’s pretty much a lock that he’ll propose in Paris, but a girl can never be too careful with her nails.”
Caroline, rather than text back, decided to pick up the phone and simply call her. She accepted the call and rather than saying “hello,” she simply lead with “Am I the worst?”
“L-O-L, girl,” Caroline laughed into her end of the phone. “No, I can’t even judge considering I would’ve done the exact same thing had I gotten the feeling that John was going to propose.”
“I meannnnn,” she dragged out, “It would honestly be a complete disaster if he proposed and my nails looked like shit. Like, I saw this girl Rachel who posted her ring photo to Insta and her cuticles looked like shittttttt.”
They both laughed.
“Where are you having lunch?” she asked after the laughter dissipated.
“Ugh, I just ran and got something to go from the hot bar at Whole Foods,” Caroline said while sounding exhausted. “I’m actually supes close to your place – can I come eat there instead of at my desk?”
“Uh, duh,” she told her. “Get over here.”
After both hanging up simultaneously, she made her way to her bedroom to change out of pajamas and into a pair of leggings and a chambray shirt to put out the vibe to Caroline that she had been productive all morning outside of simply making coffee and a smoothie. While putting on some concealer, she heard a knock at the door that was met by tiny dog feet sliding against the hardwood floor and a few lackluster barks signaling that Caroline had, in fact, arrived.
When she opened the door, Caroline walked in saying, “I’m, like, so fat – I just spent thirteen-freaking-doll-hairs at the Whole Foods hot bar and am probably going to eat it all.”
“Ughhhh,” she said while wafting the smell of Caroline’s container into her nose. “It smells hella good, though. B-T-Dubs, sorry I look like shit, I’ve just been so busy all morning that I haven’t had time to change.”
“It’s okay,” Caroline assured her while peeling the top off of her to-go container. “So, like, tell me… what’s it feel like to know you’re going to get engaged at the Eiffel Tower?” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Girl is making standing nail appointment each week from now until December?! Talk about wasting Todd’s hard earned dollars. Even though the Stock Market has increased by 5.2 Trillion since the election on November 8th, a 25% increase under TRUMP, and the lowest unemployment in 16 years — not even he can afford this…If Congress would gives us the massive tax cuts (and reform) Trump has been asking for, then maybe Todd could survive Girl’s expensive habits — the people need tax breaks! Why does the NFL get such massive tax breaks while at the same time disrespecting our Anthem, Flag and Country? Change tax law!…The very annoying Caroline expects Todd to propose at the Eiffel Tower? How very unpatriotic, people. This country already has enough people disloyal to the flag like the disaster going on over @ESPN. With Jemele Hill at the mike, it is no wonder ESPN ratings have “tanked,” in fact, tanked so badly it is the talk of the industry. Wow!..Todd should propose to Girl back in the U.S. on national television at MLB playoff game (the great American pastime where all players STAND) and see if that ruffles any of her feathers. Justice Served!
The attention to detail here is fantastic. I’m not going to even do you the dishonor of fact-checking those numbers because I know you wouldn’t lie to us.
I’m still convinced it’s Trump just passing time.
it me
I enjoy these so much.
I know.
Far and away the best one yet.
Full-disclosure: I’m sick so pardon grammatical errors / general spaciness.
Jordan scored 38 with the flu. Suck it up DeFries
But in all seriousness, great work per usual
Feel like “spaciness” adds to Girl’s entire vibe.
Feel better, big dog. Quality work per usual
Freakin “Girl Fitzpatrick”.
WASPPYYYYYYYYYY…. and I love it.
Until Will told us her last name, I was unsure of if she was a WASP or a JAP (Jewish American Princess).
Bro, Micks aren’t wasps. You must be from Long Island or some other pos place
Who’s engaged first…. Will and Sally or Todd and Girl?
Art imitates life
Thinking the exact same thing. Only time will tell.
“Lackluster barks”? Fuck you, De Fries, I’m fierce.
You tell him Sperry!
The greatest thing you can do at this point is have Todd propose on a random
Wednesday in March.
or literally the day after they get back because he forgot the ring.
Hope Todd proposes like the day before she goes to the salon after the two week hiatus and she cries, not because of the engagement but because her instagram pics look like shit. Also hope she gets pickpocketed at the Eiffel Tower.
*Hope Todd breaks up with her at the airport coming home.
Hope Todd proposes on the flight home in an attempt to join the Mile High Club, gets rejected and lives a happy and prosperous Post-Fitz life.
She’d probably secretly like getting robbed in Paris. That way she wouldn’t have to wear Todd’s grandmother‘s ring (which we all KNOW she’s going to hate/isn’t big enough) and she’d finally have something in common with Kim K.
Hoping for a Taken situation in Paris except Liam Neeson is nowhere to be found.
Or that Todd gets pickpocketed at the Eiffel Tower and the ring is stolen.
I foresee no proposal on the Paris trip. Girl then has fake pregnancy scare to force proposal
Receptionist was for sure trolling
Todd has been feverishly hiding an opioid addiction but is caught by girl while crunching pills in their new granite mortar and pestle as he is making them a nice fall salad with cranberries in it for dinner. Girl cries and can’t believe Todd would stoop down to such a level but actually, with the chaotic times, it’s hard not to establish a solid drug problem foundation to brace for the future. Todd promises her that he will seek help and go to rehab. While in rehab Todd’s sponsor ends up being a retired porn star who didnt reap any royalties after starring in that Netflix documentary. Todd makes the mistake of sleeping with her. They both get kicked out and he tries to make good with girl even though the pornstar followed him home since she had nowhere else to go. Girl snaps and….to be continued *fade to roll credits* *budlight commercial*
I can see him proposing on a random day (not Paris) when she doesn’t have her nails done/doesn’t like how the proposal is happening and freaking out and saying “NOT NOW TODD” or something batshit like that.
I bet Todd is used to hearing “NOT NOW TODD” so much it doesn’t even phase him.