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I’m a big fan of checking my bags on airplanes. Between lacking any and all upper body strength, having the inability to plan my packing list and just throwing half my closet in my biggest suitcase before leaving, and being a lazy piece of shit, I almost never bring a carry-on suitcase. I don’t like trying to get it in the overhead bin, I don’t like lugging it around, and I don’t like having to be responsible for it for any longer than necessary.
That said, checking bags isn’t for everyone. In fact, it isn’t for most people. If you’re not well-versed in sending your belongings off for hours or days at a time, planning ahead for saying goodbye to your bag can be pretty hard. Case-in-point: this past weekend.
After an exhausting wedding in Chicago, dealing with luggage was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. So, after a casual (and by casual I mean loud and heated discussion) it was agreed that everyone (and by everyone I mean my SO and I) would both check our bags.
The only thing is, he doesn’t ever check bags, I didn’t realize we had a connection in Dallas, and we didn’t think through the situation. So yes, we fucked up.
Because after the bag that had our car and apartment keys got lost, and we were told at 11:30 p.m. that the airline didn’t know where it was nor would they reimburse us for staying at a hotel for the night. Naturally, we were forced to beg some friends to let us crash like peasants and hope our complex would let us in the next morning. It all worked out eventually (and by “worked out” I mean we had one of those couple fights that make you hate yourself and agreed never to check bags on a connected flight again) but it definitely made me realize that not only are there are some solid rules to checking your bag, but it turns out, not everyone knows that. Idiots.
Take Out Everything You Want
Headphones, books, snacks, sunglasses, condoms — whatever you want, maybe want, or might want in a dream situation, make sure you get it out and get it out now. There’s nothing worse than throwing your perfectly packed suitcase to the TSA Gods, only the realize at 10,000 feet that you forgot your computer, headphones, and your ex’s best friend’s neighbor’s God daughter’s Netflix password in your checked bag.
Take Out Everything You Need
This, it turns out, is very different than taking out everything you want. Sure, it’s all fun and games when you have your book on the plane, but when you get off and realize your house keys are in your checked bag which got lost somewhere between Chicago and Dallas, you’ll wish you would have tripled checked everything you needed. Wallet, keys, and your patience for airlines that want to absolutely fuck you over. All of those are needed on your person when your bag inevitable decides not to make it to your destination.
Have a Backup Plan
You know, just in case your keys, phone charger, wallet, and anxiety medication are shipped off to BFE and you find yourself SOL. Lollllll.
Be Wary Of Connections
It should go without saying but I’m going to say it anyway: If you have a connection, don’t check a bag. Again for the folks in the back: IF YOU HAVE A CONNECTION, DON’T CHECK A BAG. It should be simple, but when you’re trying to cram 7 pairs of shoes in a bag the size of a loaf of bread for a week-long trip, it isn’t easy. If you do need to check it, make sure you keep your essentials on you or risk being the bitch at the wedding wearing an “I Heart NY” tee instead of your bridesmaid dress.
If All Else Fails, Enjoy The Attention
Finally, if and when you inevitably lose your bag, there’s only one thing left to do: bitch about it. Whether you chose to take to Twitter, write a 700-word blog post on a website geared towards postgrads, or just complain endlessly to your friends, every single person has been royally fucked by an airline losing their bag. Everyone can relate, sympathize, and try to one-up you. It’s fun for all, and it’s almost worth going without your prescribed face wash for a night if it means you get that much attention.
Still, I’d love a voucher for a free drink or snack for my troubles. Attention doesn’t get me drunk on a 3-hour trip. Trust me, I’ve tried. Your move, Southwest. .
Respond
Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
I stopped reading after you said that you checked a bag with your car and house keys. Why the hell would you ever do something this stupid?
I wasn’t the one who did that. THAT was the point.
I know that sounds dumb, but hear me out. Pre-vacation me doesn’t give a fuck about post-vacation me. Pre-vacation me hopes he drowns in the ocean in a freak-scuba diving accident rather than going back to work.
Yeah but I mean before you go home you gotta take stock of your belongings. Phone Wallet Keys etc. Make sure they aren’t left behind in the hotel safe.
The only bag I’m ever checking again are the sticks on a golf trip.
Yes, I admit I tried ShipSticks because of the commercial with the lady with the giant boobies but I have to say, it’s an excellent service I would highly recommend
Haven’t tried it yet, everywhere I’ve looked is so expensive though. Like $60 each way. Flying Southwest checking it is free.
They lost my clubs first time around. Yeah, the refunded me and later found them, but not ideal when you have a one-day window to get your clubs for a round.
I’d rather lose a child than my clubs. Nightmare situation.
Golf clubs > kids
FedEx 2-Day shipping to your destination… Amazing. Can’t recommend it highly enough, and they don’t get beaten nearly as badly as the TSA would.
If you’re ever down in Texas I will repay you for this tip
I shove all my shit in the checked golf bag and just have a carry-on hangup bag for the things I don’t want wrinkled. Best of both worlds.
Gate Check 4 lyfe.
Small bag to gate check, backpack (iPad, phone charger, book, keys, etc etc) for a carryon.
I will often push for passengers gate checking bags, partially because I can eyeball what will fit in our overhead bins, partially because boarding goes so much faster when people just have their small bag.
The amount of people putting purses and coats in the overheads is infuriating.
I will never check my bags unless I absolutely have to. Working in the industry has given me the ability to pack for 6+ days in a carryon. Even a weekend in Spain I did with a backpack.
Have NEVER been a checked bagged guy. Last flight I had to though (travelling with firearms). Besides the excruciatingly long time it took to get them checked (American Airlines acted as if this was the first time someone flew with a handgun, counter interaction was a story in and of itself) they ended up losing said firearm, from point A to B. Needless to say that losing your shit in an airport over a $2K weapon doesn’t go over well with airport cops or vacation. Moral of the story? 1. Don’t fly to/from anti-gun places. 2. Don’t check your bags with anything of importance; because it is 100% getting “lost”.
If I’m not in a rush and the airline has free checked bags (thanks, Southwest) I usually check it. I despise the culture of every single person on the plane trying to carry-on a giant bag and holding the boarding process up. I think TSA-PreCheck is a government scam, but there should legitimately be a mental/physical test you have to pass to be allowed to carry-on.
It’s like $100 for five years. If it’s a scam it’s the worst thought-out scam ever
Its turning into a program where you pay $85 to have the privilege of not having to take off your shoes or belt while you go through the line with all the other people who don’t have pre-check. I’ve started noticing that airports are restricting the pre-check lanes to specific times during the day or lumping the non-pre-check people in with the pre-check people and giving them some card designating them as such. I feel duped.
Great name man! haha
I never check bags unless I absolutely have to. I’ll occasionally offer to gate check if it’s a nonstop full flight but even that’s pushing it. I like having all my belongings within arms reach… Clearly I have trust issues but I think they’re warranted.
My mom has traveled for work for almost 30 years, for up to 2 weeks at a time and has not ONCE checked a bag. I don’t know whether that’s sad or impressive.
impressive
(Ex) big checking bags guy here. Until two weeks ago when we had a 50 minute connection in Germany and the airline made us claim and then recheck our bags AND THEN we were so late a shuttle bus had to drive us out on the tarmac to catch the plane so yeah, do carry on if you can folks
The only bag I’ll check is my skis. And since they are oversized, they don’t go thru the full conveyor belt system and get handled by hand. But I do make sure to pack my basic ski necessities in my carryon in case they lose them and I have to rent, at full expense of the airline of course.