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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Hike

by Oct 04, 2017
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This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Things Girls Do After Graduation by visiting the archive. If you’re having trouble keeping up with the characters, take a look at the character map.

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Hike

They weren’t sure where exactly to park the car when they arrived. There were signs, but no actual parking spots. The woman who ran the State Park’s entrance wasn’t much help, but mainly because they didn’t ask any questions. “She was such a bitch,” Alex commented from the backseat as they pulled away, five dollars out of pocket each.

They left the city early that morning with the intention of hiking what was largely considered to be a “beginner”-level trail. The four of them didn’t dress identically, but close enough. Patagonia Better Sweater Vests were zipped all the way up over various athletic tops from Lululemon and Nike. Their leggings looked like cousins of one another, while their shoes were not as thought through as the rest of their outfits. “Ugh, my Ultra Boosts are getting so dirty,” she’d say later in the day.

But for now, there was hope. As they exited the car, she began discussing how happy she was that they were actually taking advantage of their ‘Fall Bucket List.’

“We just never do things like this anymore,” she told the group as they headed toward a sign that signaled the beginning of the trail. “We’re so hashtag sporty that it’s not even funny.”

Caroline was the only person who had ever been to this State Park before, but it was as a child with her father. Despite her low-level of experience, it was generally accepted that she’d be in charge.

“Caroline,” she called from the back of the line, “Do you know where we’re going?”

Caroline took out her phone that had a pre-loaded map on it just in case there wasn’t cell service. It was a PDF she had downloaded off the State Park’s website.

“It looks like we are doing this big loop around this forest or something,” she shouted back. “It’s like two miles there and two miles back.”

Looking down at her phone from the back of the line, she confirmed that Caroline was right. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Caroline’s navigation acumen, but it was more that she considered getting stuck in the wilderness with three other girls to be her version of hell.

Alex, who was already huffing, decided to chime in and ask, “So we’re positive there’s a lookout when we get to the top of this stupid hill, right?”

Caroline, still at the head of the group, rolled her eyes knowing that no one could see the front of her face. “Yessss, Alex, there’s a lookout,” she told her before mouthing, “Oh my God.”

The fact of the matter was, each and every one of them had searched the Instagram geotag numerous times before embarking on this journey of sorts. And truthfully, if there wasn’t a lookout, the group would likely be brunching and drinking underneath a neon sign at a table for eight filled with succulents rather than judging each other’s messy bun that rested underneath each of the hats that they’d borrowed from their significant others.

She already had her photo (and her caption) planned out. With her back to the camera and hands raised in the air, she’d have Caroline (who had the best Instagram aesthetic) use both Portrait Mode and the regular iPhone camera to capture two photos that she’d put into an album. Along with the caption, “Doing it for the HIKES,” she was going to use a barrage of Emojis that she considered to be “outdoorsy.” She also planned to tag several of the brands she was wearing 24 hours after posting so she wouldn’t look desperate when the initial likes rolled in.

“We should, like, totally plan a trip to Aspen or something,” Katie said from the middle of the pack. “I feel like we’d all thrive there.”

No one responded as everyone attempted to sound the least winded. But after about a minute of silence, Caroline chimed in and jokingly said, “Hmmmmm… if only we had a bachelorette party coming up…”

Everyone’s head turned and looked at the person at the end of their line and began laughing.

“Shut uppppppppp,” she said trying to hold back a smile. “Todd hasn’t even proposed yet and you bitches are already planning my bachelorette party? TBH, though, Aspen would be a good spot for it.”

Katie thought for a second about it before asking, “Wouldn’t you rather do Vegas or Miami or something?”

She had already thought this through a million times and it was her way of showing not only her maturity but her taste level. “I mean, I’m just so over pool cabanas and clubs at this point,” she said loudly to the girls in front of her. “I just want to do something chill, honestly.”

She pulled out her phone to see how many steps she’d taken since the beginning of the hike – only 3,000 which meant they had only walked about a mile and a half. “Okay, ladies, only a half mile until the lookout!” Her enthusiasm was only outward, while concern about being sweaty and gross for the photo bogged her down within.

“Are we worried it’s going to rain?” Alex asked.

“I mean, I think the forecast just said it was going to be cloudy AF,” Caroline responded. “But, like, it looks like it rained here all freaking night.”

She could feel the wool socks peeking out of her shoes begin to feel somewhat damp from the conditions, but she knew that it was all about to be downhill after they got to relax at the lookout.

“This sign says it’s a half-mile this way,” Caroline pointed as the rest of the girls lumbered up the trail. She was tired, but they were all tired. Their attempt to “be in bed early” the night before simply meant “drink more Pinot Noir at happy hour so everyone would leave earlier.” They weren’t necessarily hungover, but Katie definitely had wine mouth when they were getting in their Ubers.

“I think we’re actually here,” Caroline said from the front as they all started walking on level ground.

“Are you…” she began, still the last one of the group, “…are you freaking kidding me?”

The look of horror on all their faces wasn’t only visible, but you could feel it in your core. Their heads whipped around hoping what they saw was somehow just an error of Mother Nature, but they soon realized that their worst nightmares had come true.

“I… I can’t believe this,” one of them said only to be echoed by the rest. “It’s… it’s so foggy that I can barely see the treetops right in front of us.”

She looked at her Garmin watch that she’d gotten for Christmas a few years ago only to use it for the first time today. Calculating hike time plus driving time, she realized that they could get back downtown within three-and-a-half hours.

Beyond pissed off, she pulled out her phone and brought up OpenTable. “Okay,” she said while all the girls still stood in disbelief, “If we leave now, we can make a rezzie at Josie’s for 1 o’clock before their dollar mimosa deal is over.”

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