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My dating app photos went in this order: me as the centerpiece with a bunch of my guy friends, me with my mom, me at a Kid Rock concert wearing a tanktop, and me pre-wedding with a girl I took as a plus-one (that I wasn’t dating).
Huuuuuuuuuge mistakes all around. Group photos? Nah, too confusing. With my mom? Look softer, man. At a Kid Rock concert? Well, I’ll stand by that one until I’m dead. But with a girl who I wasn’t dating dressed to the nines? That’s just asking for trouble and left swipes.
Hinge, noted dating app that is neither Bumble or Tinder, put together a shitton of information regarding what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to which photos you choose. And it’s important we break this down so you can live your best life surrounded by good-looking people who don’t hate you.
Hinge first included their best and worst photo practices, which included:
Best
+75% Participating in sports
+74% Enjoying a night out
+23% Showing your smile
Worst
-41% Wearing Sunglasses
-90% Using Snapchat filters
-98% Posing with a possible significant other
This should thoroughly explain why every guy you see has a photo of him holding a trout that he wouldn’t have caught without a guide, and why every girl you come across is chucking a deuce atop a mountain that she only climbed for the Instagram. What it doesn’t explain is why every single girl still has the puppy filter up despite its negative effect (or why it even makes them somehow look hotter in the first place).
Women
The best photo practices for women, however, confuse me a bit.
Wear hair up.
You’re 27% more likely to receive a like.Smile with teeth.
You’re 76% more likely to receive a like.Look away.
You’re 74% more likely to receive a like.Stand alone.
You’re 69% more likely to receive a like.
I get it – wearing your hair up puts out a “I’m a junior associate at an architecture firm who looks straight out of a romantic comedy,” and at the end of the day, that’s all we’re really looking for. The whole smiling with teeth / looking away / standing alone single-handedly explains why when she asks you to take a photo of her, she laughs extra hard at your jokes in between legitimate poses while simply hoping that you get a photo of her mid-laugh. It’s the best way to look candid and casual even though it’s phony and forced. But guys can’t really talk since every one of their golf swings completely changes if they know there’s an iPhone pointed in their general direction.
Men
Conversely, the best photo practices for men are actually flipped. You’re 43% more likely to get a like if you’re smiling without teeth than you are with, 102% more likely to receive a like if you’re looking ahead rather than looking away, and 11% more likely to get a like if you’re standing alone rather than with a group.
If anyone abides by the swipe method I went by, it was “pray she’s the hottest one in the group photo only to get let down when she’s the one standing in the back.” Classic mix-ups left and right with me swiping right just hoping that maybe she can intro me to her friends. Standing alone is 100% the move, and if the advice I got from my girl friends told me anything, it was to never ever have another girl in the photo even if it’s your sister. Death sentence.
How-To
Beach
You know how sex on the beach seems like a good idea but ends up being a terrible decision because one person is picking sand out of their body for the next 48 hours? Well, same goes for photos on the beach. Women are 47% less likely to receive a like on a beach photo while men are 80% less likely to receive a like on a beach photo. This is all extremely defeating considering my “if you can’t tan it, tone it” method.
Sports
Based on average photos for each gender, women are 166% more likely to receive a like on a sportsy photo while men are 45% more likely to receive a like. Here’s your guide for which sports to include as judged by me with no statistical backing:
Women: Hiking, yoga, spinning, biking, beach volleyball, running, jogging, dog-walking, literally anything.
Men: Stop. posting. mirror. selfies. from. the. gym.
Candids
While 80% of Hinge’s photos are posed, candid photos are 15% more likely to receive a like. But with that being said, you’ll never actually convince me that any photos are ever actually candid. Claiming that a photo of you laughing at a lame joke the photographer said is almost as bad as hashtagging #nofilter on a sunset photo. Almost as bad, I said, because nothing is worse than hashtagging something with #nofilter. Get an aesthetic and own it, losers.
Selfies
Stop fucking taking selfies. I shouldn’t have to give you stats to back this up, but here we are. You’re 40% less likely to receive a like if you’re tossing up selfies, and 90% less likely if you’re tossing up bathroom selfies. So those cutesy photos you’re taking in the bathroom mirror? Yeah, they’re just as bad as gym selfies if not worse.
Black & White
Michael Jackson once said, “It don’t matter if you’re black or white,” but he also never had to resort to online dating apps. There’s an off-color joke to be made here but I’ll leave that to the comment section.
While only 3% of photos are black and white, black and white photos are 106% more likely to receive a like than compared to color photos. I don’t even know how those numbers work because I haven’t taken a math class in a decade, but I believe anything on the internet so please accept this as fact. Maybe it’s because people think you’re artsy or maybe it covers up your blemishes.
As far as I’m concerned, we’re probably overthinking this entire thing and we’re about three years removed from the human version of #nofilter by using #nofacetune. Sad. .
[via Medium]
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
If I post a black and white photo, how will the guys ever know I’m a ginger and that I have no soul? Better to warn them ahead of time so they know what they’re getting into.
Was just thinking the same thing but vice versa.
Bonkers that tasteful nudes didn’t make the list.
Tasteful nudes are all I have to give this world. It’s honestly where I thrive.
No mention of dogs? The only reason my girlfriend swiped right on me was because I had a dog in my profile pic.
I shamelessly use a picture of myself and my sister’s dacschund, it fucking kills
Can confirm. I always swiped for dogs…and beards.
Truer words have yet to be spoken, I used my parents’ corgi in a pic, corgis are adorable, definitely upped my game.
My profile pic with that collie got me more matches in a month than the previous year.
My dog has a Christmas sweater with the word ‘Wingman’ on it. It is the most true article of clothing I have ever seen.
i swipe left on people who have dogs lol
The hell is the matter with you?
1. i’m too lazy to take care of a pet
2. i’m allergic to a lot of them
3. some people just aren’t animal people? that doesn’t mean i hate animals!
That’s probably why you’re 30-something and single.
That reply so cold it can only be measured in Kelvin
Gotta admit, I get a kick out of the dichotomy in up/down votes for my comments
i lol’d at it
Ouch, Bill Nye, that’s a low blow
Sup, Phil.
It was a joke
wow, you really hit me where it hurts! lol 🙂
I am reading this as a junior associate in an architecture firm and I’m wearing my hair up… Sounds like I need to take a pic for my Bumble profile…
Sup?
Your profile picture is incredble
Hey I’m a junior associate in an architecture firm…but I’m also a guy and can’t put my hair up
Can’t? Or won’t?
Big difference, Jimbo.
Someone with a doctorate in statistics disappointed their parents putting this study together
Mine includes a photo of me chowing down on a turkey leg and beer- does that count as a sport?
If you’re doing it for time, you bet it does
I mean do I even need to say sup? Come to Texas and I’ll take ya to Wurstfest all the beer, german food, and polka you can handle.
You had me at polka
Now all you gotta say is that you like to do the Chicken Dance and we can Sleepless In Seattle this relationship on up.
My chicken dance gets increasingly better the more I drink
No other “sups?” need to pass between us. Its settled you’ll be Tom Hanks and I’ll be Meg Ryan.
I can’t wait for y’all to tell your future children where you met
If i have a daughter I’m naming her Will deFries cause its a pretty name for a girl.
What really worked for me was 1.) Me rescuing a baby stuck in a tree 2.) me saving a puppy from a kill shelter while wearing a mink coat 3.) me teaching kids about 9/11 conspiracies (it looked like I was teaching them architectural engineering) 4.) me traveling with aforementioned puppy to a tropical destination 5.) me in a suit with a golden shovel in my hand/shaking hands with some old guy while standing next to a gentrified ghetto filled with new brunch places
I’m glad I found my fiancé before the dating app craze. I always look like a chubby baby in any and all pictures (obviously I’m a manly stud in real life)
Photos being moderately drunk at any live sporting event kills everytime.
I’ll have you know Tinder smart photos keeps putting my filtered-to-shit back flex pic in the #1 spot on my profile
Chicks dig a good back for some reason so it’s not always about the mirror muscles. Maybe they’re looking for a sturdy scratching post.
From my experiences, ladies do love a good meat cape
Don’t forget to do your snatch grip high pulls, boys
A good Bat Wing never unimpressed a lady.