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“The Office,” for many of us, was the mockumentary that defined and satirized corporate culture for us long before we even graduated into it. It’s easily a top ten, if not a top five television show of all time. Along the way, it taught many life lessons, some that did not involve work at all. Here are the five that stuck out in my mind.
Don’t Work Somewhere for Over a Decade Without Asking for a Raise
Come on, Michael. Come on, man. Even if you were able to negotiate an average of a 3% raise every two years you’d end up making 16% more than you did 12 years ago. Instead you negotiate a 6% raise after threatening to withhold sex from your female superior. Bold move. Or you just, you know, leverage a better job like Josh.
Don’t Bang Your Boss or Your Subordinate
Jan learned the hard way, pun intended, not to bang her subordinate. Her unhealthy relationship with Michael ultimately led her down a path that sent her spiraling out of control in a flaming ball of self loathing and, eventually, led to her termination and her sexism lawsuit being flushed down the toilet. Erin, on the other hand, learned not to date her superior as the petty and vindictive Nard Dawg tortured her after their breakup by hiring Gabe, also her ex, as a management consultant, among all the other post-breakup drama that ensued. In short, if you’re going to nail a coworker, it’s better to do so horizontally than vertically, also pun intended.
Never Hook Up With Your Backup Girl on February 13th
Ryan was already playing with fire by hooking up with crazy ass Kelly, but it came to a head when he hooked up with her the day before Valentine’s Day to send her obsession full throttle. Not exactly what you want from your backup chick when you are open and willing for something better, and before you call me sexist, I am well aware that women also have backup dudes on call when their services are needed for revenge or dry streak-ending services. Still, not good on February 13th.
Don’t Pass Up on a Karen for a Pam
Perhaps the most controversial topic for “Office” fans is whether Jim made the right choice by dumping Karen for Pam. I’ve always been #TeamKaren. There’s no comparison. She was chill and an ambitious professional. And, obviously, Rashida Jones is pure fire. Pam was, well, cute I guess but had no idea what to do with her life until she decided to pursue her interest in art and then had a meltdown when Jim was pursuing a career with a business idea he came up with. In terms of personality, Pam kind of sucked unless she was involved in one of Jim’s pranks. TL;DR, don’t pass up on someone awesome over a past crush whom you have unrealistically idealized.
The Worst Thing About Prison Are the Dementors
Remember this next time you’re tempted to do something illegal..
Image via YouTube
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@5OClockShadow_
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.
Best advice I’ve ever gotten.
You must have some great stories!
Advice I got during my first week: You can always fuck up here, just don’t fuck down.
also #TeamKaren
There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand that what I’m telling you is a universal truth, Toby.
Name checks out
Bonus Lesson: If you can’t afford to go Thailand, go to Fort Lauderdale and lie your ass off.
Also learned that you have minutes to harvest once you check for the organ donor card.
But why did you have to cut the face off the dummy Dwight?
I didn’t think it was very realistic in the movie- and it turns out, it was pretty realistic.
I was told today that my “that’s what she said” comment was inapproriate by my RM today, so i guess i havent learned anything
I learned that black bears are best.
Well that’s debateable. There are basically two schools of thought.
I learned not to tip anyone for a job I’m able to do myself. I did, however, tip my urologist because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
I learned some phrases to use when asking for a raise:
“Pippity poppity give me the zoppity”
put the best looking beats out front. Those are the money beats.