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Every romantic relationship that you take part in will result in one of two outcomes: you’re breaking up or you’re spending the rest of your lives together. It’s a grim reality, sure, but it’s the honest to goodness truth. In some relationships, you’ll know right away that the person sitting across the table at a dimly lit restaurant is only a placeholder for “the one.” In others, you’ll walk down the lakefront on an unseasonably warm January afternoon feeling totally in sync, knowing that this is the real thing.
And then there are relationships where there’s a glaring issue that you’re trying so hard to look past until you just can’t ignore it anymore. You bust your ass trying to work around it, highlighting things about yourself that they might be feeling similar about, but ultimately you have to end it.
This happened to me quite recently. I was seeing this girl that I met on Bumble, and everything seemed like it was going right. Our first date was awesome. Second date was fantastic. But somewhere between our second and third date, I realized that the dynamic shifted. I enjoyed spending time with her, sure, but it seemed like she enjoyed spending time with me way more.
Now, granted, that’s to be expected. I’m a fucking gem. This was different. This was her texting me to let me know that she deleted the Bumble app because she wanted to see where this goes. This was hinting at me meeting her mother after two dates. This was me having to tell her, “No, seriously, don’t buy me shoes, I’ve only known you for a week and a half and it is way too soon for that.”
While these were isolated incidents, the theme throughout all of them was that she was fully invested in me, and I couldn’t reciprocate that. In fairness, we had only known each other for two weeks so by no means would I consider this a relationship. However, it definitely could have become one. And which is worse? Me breaking it off when I realize that I’m just not that into her, or me staying with her and making her think that everything is hunky dory when really it’s not? I’ll take the former any day.
I didn’t cut and run immediately when I started feeling this. I took some time to evaluate the situation. I met up with her one more time to make sure that I was doing the right thing, and determined that I was. We talked for a few days after that and met up for a break up brunch on Sunday.
I did it in person. I was the bad guy. I saw it in her eyes. I knew in that exact moment that I let her down, and it sucked. I’ve never been the one to do the dumping, so this was an entirely new world for me. Later that day, I found myself thinking about how she was holding up and what she was doing. I’m sure that I made her friends’ and her shit list, which is totally fair. I’m not thrilled about it, but I get it.
The thing is, there’s never a right time to end things with someone. No matter what, you’re hurting them. Even if you let them down easy they’re still walking away from that conversation having just lost someone that they cared about. Just remember that even though it feels like you’re a bad person when you’re doing it, you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons.
That’s what I’m telling myself, at least..
Respond
Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
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Too bad for you in that she turned out to be a stage 5 clinger, there was lots of potential there.
And too bad for all of us because now we’ll never know if her mom had it going on.
I recently started seeing a girl who would be classified as a stage 5 clinger. I know there’s no future here. I’m holding out for the sex for as long as it lasts. I feel like a terrible person but hey sex is sex
That’s a dick move.
Pun intended?
Yeah that’s a dick move. That I have done before. And would probably do again. I am a dick.
I had been in an LTR for about 3 years when my other half said she wasn’t into it anymore, didn’t have feelings like she should etc. We had been distance for the better part of those years as I was at college 6 hours away, and then she got a job by my school after I had moved back home after graduation. I resisted at first thinking “naw, this is going to work and I’m probs gonna marry her cause we’re great together.” After accepting it wasn’t going to happen, I just let go and quit trying to make it work.
The point is, letting go is the hardest thing to do, but realize that if one half isn’t in it 100%, you’re selling yourself short and deserve better, someone who is willing to give the 100% you’re willing to give (which is something I’ve never personally experienced.)
Long story long, this breakup allowed me to change my destination location for my job to my dream city instead of where she wanted to go (so we could work things out.) Sometimes you need to just let go and know that everything will be ok, if not much better.
That got deep real fast. My b. Rant over.
No this is good! After my ex and I broke up I got an opportunity to move to a different state and it’s cool and exciting! Breakups suck but there are always really awesome opportunities that come with freedom to help cushion the blow.
The Waitress just isn’t in to you Charile!!!! Accept it!!!!
Now you’ve gone and ruined a perfectly good relationship because you can’t let go….
Sorry Charlie. Get back out there, homie.
It takes a bigger man to realize this, and spare her the heart break she would’ve felt six months to a year down the road. You gave her the opportunity to get back out there without, “wasting” months of her life. Guys seem to get the brunt of the blame when it comes to this, mainly because of all the, “fuck boys” out there. On a side note though, and since you’ve dunked her, this girl seems crazy.
You did nothing wrong yet made the “Shit List”. PGP
This was the right move. You could have easily slow faded her, but it’s always better to just be upfront about it. Even though you feel like you let her down, she’ll respect you more once she gets over it.
What you did is called being man. Keep it up. Also, that girl was 100% nuts.
Props to you for doing the right thing Charlie. The face to face breakup, in this era of ghosting, is a rarity and tough to stomach, but you’re more of a man than most.
Right in the feels Charlie. (Grabs another coffee).