Some Generic Proposals For Your Generic Relationship

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I’m pretty confident I’ve found the girl I’m going to ask to marry me. I’m pretty unconfident in how I’m going to pay for the ring to go along with that question, so fortunately, I’m in no immediate need of any Oscar-worthy proposal ideas.

If you’re like me and you’ve got the girl (or if you’re ahead of me and you’ve got the girl and the ring but you’re lacking in the proposal department), fret not. The folks over at The Knot know how hard it can be to perpetually recycle the same generic, social media-friendly, television and movie-inspired ideas, so they’ve put together some proposal scenarios for even the blandest most uncreative couples to navigate.

Create a scavenger hunt and at the end let her find you down on one knee. Unless you’re the type of boyfriend who does shit like this regularly, she’s going to know something’s up, and unless she’s that psycho weird chick with the mind of a child from “Bad Teacher,” she’s probably not going to enjoy a scavenger hunt.

Throw a party with all her friends and family. This is the most normal idea on the list, and in our 21st century narcissistic social media-driven society, probably the one you should go with. If you’re not taking her somewhere to do it, then make sure she’s the center of attention.

Have a caricaturist draw the proposal into a drawing of the two of you. This sounds like something that got rejected from a Katherine Heigl rom-com montage. Pass.

Recreate Monica/Chandler’s proposal. Your girlfriend is going to be telling people for the rest of her life how you proposed. Do you want her to say, “He did the thing from Friends?” I didn’t think so.

Hide the ring in her jewelry box/surprise her with a proposal. This is what you do if you and your girlfriend have the personality of that jewelry box you’re sticking her ring in. First of all, what girl still gets ready in the morning in front of a jewelry box? What is this – 1850? All the girls I know strew their jewelry about the bathroom sink so good luck hiding a ring around the toilet.

Hide a love note on her pillow and when she reads it propose to her. Again, if all the clothes in your closet are some shade of beige, go right ahead with this idea. I’m sure your prospective wife will love telling people you proposed to her in silence

Create your own crossword and spell out the proposal. This idea might piss me off more than any of the rest of them. Just what exactly are you supposed to do while she’s knocking out this engagement puzzle, sit there waiting for her to come across the answer with the ring in your hand and your thumb up your ass? And how complex do you make it, should the proposal be answer number three or answer number fifteen? Fuck out of here with this idea.

Spell your proposal out in magnets on the refrigerator. Somebody on this website is a real fan of goofy ass silent proposals. So you spell it out and then what, hide in the pantry with the ring? Put the ring in the ice maker and hope she plops it out when she goes to get a glass of ice? This is beta male shit right here.

Play Hangman or Scrabble and spell the proposal. More puzzles. Who are they thinking is going to be technologically savvy enough to look at a wedding website for proposal ideas, yet still prefer to indulge in a little paper and pen Hangman in their free time??

If you’re planning on marrying someone, have the balls to do it without consulting a damn website for proposal ideas. This is the woman you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, are you really going to be able to live with yourself if you have to get her proposal from a wedding blog? Sack up and close that deal on your own. .

[via The Knot]

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BBisgard45

Golf Pro in B/CS TX trying to trick the PGA into certifying me to give swing advice for a living.

• @BrianBisgard