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Raise your hand if you’ve coasted through life never missing an appointment, deadline, or a meeting. While I’m sure it’s maybe like five you, I was in this category until about 1:31 p.m. on a cold, frightful December afternoon in the boss’s corner office of the Fortune 500 job I weaseled my way into. Apparently, there really is a first time for everything. Yesterday, I was 30 minutes late for a meeting with my boss, who just happens to be the most no-bullshit boss in my entire office, and the minute I walked into her office, she gave me a good ol’ Nick Saban to Lane Kiffin ass-chewing and all I could do is feel like I’ve regressed to a 5-year-old whose Mom just yelled at him for leaving his Hot Wheels on the kitchen floor.
This becomes a new feeling. Honestly, it’s gut-wrenching. Naturally, I walked out of her office in a moderately cold sweat and my heart pounding. Truthfully, I walked into my office, closed the door, and Googled “how to move home” because I was so paranoid that my boss would just pop in before 5 p.m. and fire me on the spot.
I was always the guy who would roll into a chapter meeting even minutes early, somehow, even though I was 9 beers in on a Monday. I never even missed one of those shitty 12 a.m. meetings I had when I worked retail in high school (fuck you American Eagle and your damn sweatshops). So now I’m sitting here wondering 100 different things like “Does she have a 3-strike policy and did I just waste one on the UPS Store and some tacos?!” Tacos, arguably 100% worth it, UPS Store mailing a check for hundreds of dollars….absolutely not worth it. Amongst numerous other “Oh my God, I’m poor, live 18 hours from home, what am I going to do if something happens!?” thoughts.
Regardless, I’m not one of those people who feels the need to quit after a good, well-warranted tongue lashing. With the way society works today, no doubt in my mind some kid would have walked out in tears, sued the company, and protested out in the front parking lot because he or she was offended. Hell, if Lane Kiffin can get an ass-chewing and then become a head coach again, I think at the age of 25, I’ll survive a two minute lecture on carelessness and responsibility.
Stay punctual, my friends..
Image via Shutterstock
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LawSchoolSlacker
Attorney. Self-loathing Bachelor/ette live-tweeter. Tennessee Volunteer. Verified on Bumble. Your move, Twitter.
@ShravanMalaney
@ShravanMalaney
Congrats on the office with a door
Can’t close a door on a cube after an ass chewing. Just gotta sit there while everyone stares at you out of the corner of their eye.
Been there a couple of times man, just do what I do.. Internally overreact and think of the worst possible scenario for like 2-3 days, then return to normal routine
I remember mine well. “Ruff, this is going to be your first real kick in the nuts…” It was.
Hey, that’s what happens when you grind some other dude’s wife.
*sandwich grind with 2 married women
Don’t underestimate the power of the second apology, the old pop in before you leave for the day “hey, I’m really sorry again, I feel badly about it and I will make sure it doesn’t happen again” to let them know you are taking it seriously.
And then as soon as you get outside you can spit up all the cum you just sucked down.
But is she hot?
She’s god damn terrifying.
Fearection
So, yes?
This is why I continue to abuse tobacco.
Name checks out
That sucks man, but punctuality is everything, especially with your boss.
Also, given the fact that you have your own office, I would assume that your job is pretty solid. That means that you aren’t easy to replace, which means job security because your company doesn’t want to have the pain in the ass of finding and training someone new. As such, they need you as much as you need them and it would take a pretty egregious act or two to get fired and being 30 mins late to one meeting isn’t one of them.
Never ever go to UPS/FedEx/USPS when you’ve got to be somewhere in the very near future. 10/10 times they will take longer than necessary.
This article for sure gave me anxiety. My first lecture from my boss still haunts me.