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If you’re about to turn 25, consider this your warning to buckle up. My 25th year on this planet was one of the most tumultuous years of my adult life, and I’ve had multiple friends tell me it wasn’t exactly a cakewalk for them, either. At 25, you’re probably either on a direct career path or have no idea what you’re doing with your life and feeling very pressured to get your shit together. Your friends are starting to get married and have babies, and it’s easy to feel “behind” if you’re not in the same place as them. You’re not in your early 20s anymore, and that’s scary as hell.
So let me break down my year for you: At 25, I was working for a ~trendy~ startup in downtown Austin, Texas. It was one of those companies that claims to be super competitive with their hiring process, so you feel really lucky when they choose you to work for them. A month into it, you realize this startup is like an actual cult and if you’re not willing to get in line with all their views and policies, you will not succeed. The turnover rate was insanely high, but it was one of those toxic environments where as much as you complain about it, it takes a long time to convince yourself to actually quit.
But before I could quit, I was fired. Me, the straight-A, people-pleasing student who had virtually never done anything wrong in my life, was let go – from a job that I hated! To make a long story short, two employees had written scathing reviews about the company on Glassdoor, and our new VP of Content was looking for two scapegoats to be punished. Because I had spoken up about some issues in the past, he thought it was me. So I was fired in the middle of the day on a Thursday, escorted out by a manager, and utterly humiliated in front of all my coworkers – while the actual assholes who wrote the bad reviews kept their jobs.
Around the same time, I was being pursued by an old acquaintance from high school. He was cute and had great taste in music, so I agreed to go on a date with him. It went surprisingly well, and just a few weeks later he asked me to be his girlfriend. Plug in a movie montage of two-people-having-a-blast-and-falling-in-love here. I had never been in love before – never actually said the words “I love you” to someone I wasn’t related to before, so falling for him was a totally new experience. And if you’re a weirdo like me and haven’t been in love before, let me tell you – knowing that someone is not only attracted to you, but is actually in love with your personality, is the best feeling in the world. I couldn’t believe that all those stupid love songs were right all along.
But just a few months later, the same guy blindsided me by telling me he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
“Wait – so you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, or you don’t want to be in a relationship with ME?” I asked him.
“Both,” he said, as he stared at the floor.
You know in TV shows or movies, when someone says something so awful that everything goes quiet, and the character’s vision gets kind of blurry, and everything starts going in slow motion while you feel the impact of what just happened? It’s dramatic as hell, but I swear that’s how I felt in that moment.
So, yeah. My year of being 25 consisted of getting fired, being dumped, and basically feeling like my life suddenly had no direction whatsoever.
But as cliche as it is, all bad things come with a silver lining: I landed a new job that paid better, with an amazing, supportive boss who actually lets me have fun with my job. After being dumped, I took a break from dating for five months and used all my energy to focus on myself. I started going to the gym and not only lost a few pounds but gained physical strength and confidence. I learned to play an instrument. I read more. I spent more quality time with friends.
So yeah, most of 25 sucked. It sucked a hard Donald Trump dick. At times, I’ve felt more sad and inadequate and helpless and broken than I thought possible. But I’ve also felt incredibly humbled, grateful, strong, and hopeful for the future. I think 25 was just paving the way for the rest of my twenties, and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead..
Image via Shutterstock
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@dishchelsea
@chelseadish
chelseadish
Great read. Sometimes rejection- in any form- can actually be a great thing, and allow you to try things you wouldn’t have otherwise thought to do.
Any advice on being at mundane job in a city where you don’t know anyone after being dragged through a year long break up?
I moved to Charlotte a few years ago for a job and didn’t know a single person in the state, and everyone in my office has a decade on me. You just have to throw stuff at the wall until something sticks. Tinder, Bumble, cooking classes, pickup games in the park, going to the bars solo, volunteering, finding some roommates, getting a dog. It will take a while but it’s worth it
If there’s a bar for your alma mater, sack up and head there solo on a Saturday for game day – did that my first year in Chicago to great success
I recommend rec leagues of your choice, and the app meetup. It collets all the social gatherings (sports,arts, drinking etc) and you can pick which you want to go to. I’ve actually met some solid friends through it, and worst case scenario it’ll leave you with fun stories.
I haven’t had the courage to go to a bar solo. Power to you.
Contemplated doin this last night. Talked myself out of it.
Duda?
If you’re in a decent sized city just do a google search with your city and something you like to do, be it a rec league, running club, whatever. I was in the same boat in my city when I moved here and you just have to put yourself out there. It’s scary and sucks when something doesn’t work out, but it just takes time.
Good piece, sometimes we need that kick in the butt to really push us.
I’ve had a similar year of being 25 (except for the getting fired part) so you have my empathy. I’m ending the year with a 2 week solo trip to South America, a trip to San Diego for a bachelor party and New Years in NYC so things are definitely looking up. Now if only my dating life could pick up a bit…
Tbh I always thought you and the magic school bus lady would hit it off
Been there, done that. She’s quite the cougar, but also a stage 5 clinger, so I had to let her go.
Hitting the slopes in Colombia?
Nah. Doing the obligatory twenty-something pilgrimage to Machu Picchu and seeing Lima and Quito along the way.
Sounds awesome. I’m currently trying to plan a trip to Australia with some of my brothers. Not sure if it will ever happen but it’s fun to think about
I hear Australia is awesome, it’s definitely on my travel itinerary.
If your friends are anything like mine and planning any large event with them is like getting a root canal, go alone. That way you can see what you want to do and have more of an incentive to meet people.
I hear the powder is top notch
Google “special tour San Agustin”
It’s a real thing, and the family could not be nicer (or so I’ve heard).
If you haven’t booked things yet, I would prioritize Cusco over Lima if you’re set in staying in those two countries. There’s nothing really special about Lima, and Cusco has a lot more culture to it.
Though if you want to make a party of it stop in Montanita for a weekend. It’s where young people from Guayaquil (most populous city in Ecuador) go for weekends and the city is basically one big bar. Also, there are a couple cool things to see in and around Quito if you want any tips.
I spent three weeks in Ecuador and three months in Peru, though most of those three months were spent working/getting drunk at a hostel in the northern beach town of Mancora.
Thanks for the tips. I’ll be spending 2 days in Cusco and 2 days in Lima so I’ll have some time to check out both. I’m mainly going to Lima for the food. Ceviche is one of my favorite foods so I have to pig out while in Peru and I’ve read that Lima has some of the best restaurants in the country.
“sucked a hard Donald Trump dick”
what an eloquent way to summarize a year
The only other option was “feel as dead inside as Harambe” but I got too teary-eyed.
Currently 25, working in financial sales for a modern day Joseph Stalin, and heading to my third childhood friend’s wedding of the year this weekend. Ja feel.
via GIPHY
Mid-twenties crisis is a real thing- great article!
Sup?
I’m 25. Just graduated from a business program at UT and my girlfriend since highschool cheated on me and then dumped me. Passed on the decent job I had lined up in Knoxville and just up and sold all my shitty college furniture and moved to San Diego.
Been out here three months now and have a better job, a better apartment, and live in southern Cali-frickin-fornia.
She moved in with the dude she cheated on me with. Who had been one of my best friends (no one from our friend group talks to or sees him anymore, I’m told). Now he flunked out and she still can’t get a job, even though I recommended her for the position that I left when I moved.
So 25 has been the most painful year, maybe the strangest year, and definitely the hardest year of my life.
But it’s also been the best!
Just saying, if you have
Nice work for dealing with all of this. This is good motivation for a 23 year old looking back at the weird post grad of this past year and looking ahead into the strange beyond!
This peice definitely hit close to home for me. I actually turned 26 a few weeks ago and I couldn’t help but think how shitty 25 was. I knew when I got dumped 4 days before my 25th bday it was gonna suck. Cheers to 26!!
It only gets worse.