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It all started last Thursday. As my (one-and-only) attempt at being financially responsible, I used the money left in my checking account the day before Friday payday to make extra payments on my credit cards, leaving just enough in there to pay for my mani/pedi that evening, plus a little extra in case a surprise dinner/drinks engagement come up.
So I imagine my surprise – and embarrassment – when, after multiple tries, my nail lady sheepishly informed me that my card was declined. As the women waiting for their appointments looked on with a mix of pity (“Poor thing can’t afford to have her nails done.”) and disgust (“Why is this bitch getting a mani, if she’s so poor?”), I handed over my “emergency” credit card to pay for my non-emergency pampering, and fired up my bank app. What the hell had happened? Had I simply miscalculated? Had I bought something I had forgotten about? And then, there it was:
July 15, 2016
Syracuse, NY
Foot Locker
$132.12
What. The. Fuck?
“Yes, I’m sure I did not make the charge,” I tell Freddy, the guy in India that my local bank has outsourced fraud detection to. Not only had I not been within 300 miles of Syracuse, I haven’t been inside of a Foot Locker since…ever. I mean, of all of the places one could go with a stolen debit card, this yahoo chose FOOT LOCKER? I mean, they don’t even sell Yeezys there, although I suppose Jordans are pretty cool. But still, the best thing you could come up to buy with my money was sneakers, Debit Card Thief? I’m disappointed in you. Show some creativity and buy a book or a piece of art or even a piece of jewelry. At the very least, you could have bought a few Taco Bell party packs for your friends, you selfish jerk.
This isn’t my first time at the stolen-card rodeo. A few years ago, someone had piggy-backed on an employee through our 24/7-locked office doors during lunch time and made off with a bunch of people’s wallets, including mine. While I learned a lot of lessons that time (pro-tip: register all of your gift cards and keep them somewhere besides your wallet, or else that $25.00 gift card to Starbs you got from Nana is no more), this incident seriously pissed me off. Even though last time, I lost a lot more money (cash + gift cards + stolen wallet = gone forever), this time really just fries my ass. Maybe it’s because I didn’t lose the card, so I’m making myself nuts trying to figure out how the dude strutting around with the new kicks got my number. Or maybe it’s because I acted fast enough last time that there were no charges on my cards, and fighting fraudulent charges is a giant pain in the ass (Seriously, Freddy, I SWEAR I didn’t make that purchase.) Or maybe it’s just that I’m freaking pissed that there are assholes out there in the world who fund their lifestyles by ripping off other people. Yes, I know that’s very naïve of me, but still…assholes. Assholes that can’t think of anything cooler to buy with my money than sneakers. Lucky I left no money in my account for you to buy anything else.
So if you’re reading this, guy who bought new kicks with my debit card at the Foot Locker in Syracuse, NY, I hope you’re enjoying them. Because karma’s a bitch, and soon enough, she’s gonna kick you in the balls — hopefully with a pair of steel-toed Yeezys..
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
My company credit card information was stolen last year. Some dude went and dropped $900 at Build A Bear. I’m still convinced it was Antonio Cromartie.
Last time I had a card stolen, thief bought A) multiple accounts for Match.com and B) multiple orders to Telefloral.
Wife was not amused.
One time some bitch stole my debit card and attempted to make a purchase before I cancelled the card, but the transaction got declined because I had insufficient funds in my checking account #PGP
About a year ago, fraud detection from my bank called me and asked if I spent over $100 at some CVS around the block from my job. Apparently some person bought a $5 item online over 20 times so it amounted to a hefty bill. I thought well that sucks but whatever, and declined those purchases and asked for a new card (thinking someone stole my card’s information).What psycho buys the same item 20 times, and who orders something from CVS online?
I get a text from my girlfriend a few hours later asking me to pickup some vitamins at CVS after work, as she wanted to try out this new vitamin or something. Turns out she ordered these vitamins online because she was nervous they wouldn’t have them in stock when she went. She said the screen froze when she was ordering and she clicked the accept charges button over and over. Shocking stuff.
Maybe it was a good samaritan using your card to buy Jordans for a homeless person? Now who’s being selfish.
The homeless person would ruin the Jordans in less than a month. You don’t give a Mercedes to the guy who lives on a gravel road.
Years ago I had someone try to buy a one-way ticket to Singapore and hire an au pair on my card.
My card was used to buy $1200 worth of lumber.
thats some serious wood
When my card was stolen the thief donated 5,000$ to an orphanage and bought a kayak for himself from Dicks Sporting Goods.
Robin Hood
Hero
My credit card number was stolen a few months ago. They spend a few hundred bucks on pajamagram.com. It just made me sad that I didn’t have a girl to buy lingerie for.
They always go somewhere lame and generic because it’s less likely to get declined. 80% chance you get a CVS or Walgreens purchase on a stolen card.
I wrote this before Mel and inhocfaf’s comments were on the page. Giving myself a high five. There’s my one competent thing for the day.