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Realizing that you lost your wallet is right atop the list of “Oh, shit” moments. It’s probably worse than losing your phone, depending on what kind of incriminating deviant filth you have on your phone, and there are certainly very serious repercussions.
This recently happened to 28-year-old Reilly Flaherty, a fantastically named dude who chilled a little too hard at a Brooklyn Wilco show and lost his wallet. I missed the bus on Wilco, but many people whose music opinions I trust are into them, so I’ll give Reilly the benefit of the doubt here. Losing your wallet happens to the best of us, but receiving a completely absurd letter from the guy who found your wallet and blew your cash on weed is something that never happens. Unless you’re Reilly.
From the New York Post:
Flaherty, who lives on the Lower East Side, said he realized he had lost his wallet in an Uber car when he got into Manhattan on the way back from King’s Theater in Brooklyn.
The Manhattan salesman said he trekked 45 minutes back to Brooklyn to look for it, but came up empty-handed. He had written the wallet off until he got the strange letter.
“I was perplexed by this plain white envelope. Is this anthrax?” he said. “I open it up and sure enough, it’s just the credit card and pretty much everything that’s of no value to me.”
Check this gem out.
Okay, this is kinda funny until you stop and think about the fact that 1) This letter looks creepy as fuck, 2) He jacked his cash to buy weed, 3) He kept our boy’s wallet, and 4) TOODLES. Normal people do not sign off with “toodles.” You can say it as a joke, but you really can’t write that word out.
In addition to the MetroCard and cash, Flaherty was robbed of a $10 Barnes & Noble gift certificate and Mr. Shiny’s shoeshine loyalty card, “which was a real drag because I almost had a free shine,” he lamented.
Flaherty declined to say how much cash was taken, insisting, “It’s not really about the money.”
“Whether it was a dollar or a thousand, [this person] is a pot-smoking, modern-day version of Robin Hood,” he quipped.
This just gets worse and worse. Getting a fresh shoeshine is like getting your teeth whitened or catching a baller haircut. You just feel like a million bucks. And after a free one? You’ll walk out of there like you’re the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. He was so close.
Worst thing about this, though? Reilly has lost his faith in humanity.
“I would say, ‘Man, we would’ve gotten along — we’re both into Wilco — but you turned out to be super selfish,’ ” he said. “It speaks to the New York mentality: I’m going to be nice but there’s going to be an asterisk.”
Man, that’s real. You should be able to hit up a show, enjoy some tunes, and not worry about some deadbeat finding your wallet and then scoreboarding you about it via USPS. Keep your head up, Reilly..
[via NY Post]
Image via Reilly Flaherty / Instagram
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Dave
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I’m making Toodles my new email signature. Promotion basically a lock.
As a man who always has less than say $40 cash, I would gladly sacrifice $40 to get back all the stuff that’s a real pain in the ass to replace.
Hit up some “Jesus, Etc.” by them and it might get you on board. It’s not too late.
Jeff Tweedy and Wilco are awesome. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is a great album.
Praying Flaherty didn’t have the monthly metrocard. That’s $120 down the drain.
Flaherty seems like a low profile, front pocket wallet kind of guy
Honestly I think everyone should become a front pocket kind of guy. I started about a year ago and now back pains are a thing of the past.
I converted over to the front pocket wallet and I’m never going back. After seeing the chiropractor due to years of having a back pocket wallet, the front pocket wallet is a renaissance piece.
I hear you, but (and this is a genuine question) where do the keys go? Front right pocket: cell phone, front left pocket: car keys, back left pocket: wallet.
Money clip front right with the keys, card holder on the back of the phone case. I just keep a wallet so the person who got it for me feels appreciated.
Damn, that’s a really good question. I’m gonna say wallet front left pocket, keys front right, cellphone either goes with the wallet or in the front shirt pocket or the wallet goes to the back left again except it offers the slimmer look with no huge cash bulge
Wallet and cell in the same pocket? Is a pair of JNCO jeans acceptable office attire at your company? Because normal size pockets don’t facilitate that kind of volume.
Going out on a limb here, but I usually always wear a blazer or suit coat. I keep all my stuff in the inside pockets.
The ever debatable wallet location, one of my favorite discussions outside of “Tits or Ass?” and “TP folded or bunched?” I’m a renaissance man, two fold wallet, back left pocket. However, when I’m sitting down I leave it in the center console or in a jacket pocket. Living dangerously, back pain free.