======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
“Honestly, Todd, just stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault that Alex and Tripp were at Alembic,” she assured him as they spent their Monday night splitting a bottle of wine on her couch, with a laptop open on the coffee table.
“I know,” Todd said, tired of discussing it. “Had I known they’d be there, I would’ve never taken you there.”
“I know, I know, let’s just get back to planning Memorial Day Weekend.”
She reached forward and grabbed the remote to turn down The Bachelor, explaining to Todd that she’s DVR’ing it and she’ll watch it later. Confused as to why planning a couple’s trip was suddenly more important than her favorite show, he conceded considering he didn’t want to watch it anyway.
Jumping on the couch starved for attention, Todd grabbed Sperry and flipped him over onto his lap to scratch his stomach.
Jealous of the photos she saw from Katie and Finn’s trip to Napa from the fall before, she insisted that they needed to take a vacation sooner than later. But with weddings, bachelorette parties, and work schedules, their time was limited over the next calendar year.
“Well,” she began as Todd got distracted by the tall brunette glass of water on the muted television, “Like, where could we go?”
Distant and distracted, Todd gave the same answer he’d given at previous dinners, happy hours, and Uber rides before — “I mean, the world is our oyster, babe.”
“Todd, you know I hate oysters,” she snapped back. “Let’s be serious here.”
Due to Memorial Day being three-day weekend, she immediately ruled out any international travel. Her sorority sister’s bachelorette party was fast approaching in Miami, so they ruled out Florida. Her Aunt Claire’s house in Charleston was open for the weekend, but tickets were outrageously expensive (and the flights not direct). She considered somewhere like Portland or Seattle, but the thought of it raining over their vacation dampened her wanderlust for anywhere off the beaten path.
Todd, realizing that his schedule was busier than he originally anticipated, noted that he couldn’t take any extra days off of work as he was going to a bachelor party the first week of May in Louisville for The Kentucky Derby.
“Wait, what? Since when are you going to The Kentucky Derby?”
“I told you about it a while ago, didn’t I?”
But immediately upon completing that sentence, Todd realized that he, in fact, did not tell her at all as he promptly planned the trip over Thanksgiving holiday just hours after his friend, Tim, had gotten engaged.
“Oh, great, I bet you won’t get into any trouble there.”
The last time Todd went to The Kentucky Derby, it was a three-day, three-thousand-dollar adventure filled with whiskey-soaked betting and last calls he didn’t remember. And it was one of the only non-wedding long weekends he’d be taking between May and October, so he was planning on loosening his collar and digging his hands in for a bender.
After repositioning himself on the couch to confront the trip head-on, he pledged to her, “Babe, it’s going to be tame.” It wasn’t going to be tame. “Tim’s really calmed down since college.” Tim is still an absolute animal. “I bet we won’t even drink that much at The Derby.” Tim’s dad had already reserved a box sponsored by Woodford Reserve, two boxes down from Tom Brady. “It will be fine.”
She wasn’t looking him the eye as he spoke, but simply typing fervently typing on her MacBook Pro while he promised to her that Louisville would remain under control. But Todd looked down at the screen and saw a confirmation number on the United Airline’s website.
“Babe, what…. what did you just do?”
She clicked out of the window, shut her laptop, and positioned herself in the same manner that Todd had taken just moments before.
“Well, Todd, looks like you’re taking me to Napa over Memorial Day.” .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Really thought she had booked a flight to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby there at the end.
The Kentucky Derby Was Decadent & Depraved: The Story Of Todd.
Goddammit deFries,
“This isn’t the story we deserve, but it’s the one we need right now.” -Gary Oldman, probably.
Can he please get tied up with known degenerate Wes Welker?
Things Girls Do After Graduation: Drive Their Boyfriends To Bankruptcy
*Drive them to Suicide
I don’t think bankruptcy is a concern if he’s dropping 3 grand in 3 days and doesn’t really worry about it
Todd is not living the PGP life if he’s dropping coin like that.
I hope they run into the same flight attendant Will fought with a few months ago.
This would probably be a good time for Todd to fake his own death.
It was a tragic accident. He was trampled by a horse after the race.
Todd needs to fake Sperry’s death as well. He doesn’t deserve this.
Todd’s more neutered than Sperry
“Todd, you know I hate oysters, let’s be serious here”. Read it 5 minutes ago, still laughing.
Not liking oysters is an immediate red flag for me.
What the hell does Todd do for a living that he can afford this pile of crazy?
Importer-Exporter of Latex
You hiring?
If I recall correctly from his Hinge profile in the TGDAG: Online Dating post, he works in finance.
Great memory!
Great memory for the important stuff, anyway.
Is his girlfriend’s name important enough to remember? I don’t know if it’s ever been said.
Eagerly awaiting the hailstorm that ensues as a result of Todd’s actions at the Kentucky Derby.
She better not ask to tag along to the derby
You know that she is absolutely going to tag along to the derby.
“Well, so, I was texting a few of the girls and we’ve never been to the Derby before either, so, and this wasn’t my idea, but I think we’re going too. We’ll have separate rooms and everything. It’ll be so fun, right sweetie?”
I’m single and that still made me recoil in terror.
Dear God, I can just see it now. *shudders violently* What scares me more is Todd not nutting up. He’s gonna smooth it over with the bachelor somehow, everyone is going to hate him post party, and she’s going to be oblivious to his him being ostracized.