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Having gotten married early on (before all of my friend’s and most of hers), I set the standard for the engagement ring. The wife didn’t have anything to compare to as none of our friends, coworkers, cousins, etc. were jumping on the marriage wagon quite as soon as we did. But now, those engagements have started popping up. And with each one, a close up shot of the girl’s outstretched hand showcasing the rock she just received. And I sit back and I watch all of the 20 something females around me size up every single piece of hardware that shows up on the ole news feed. And it’s ruthless.
“1.75 karat stone? Size can’t make up for everything, hunny. There’s an 80% chance of showers with that piece it’s so cloudy. Anything less than VVS-1 clarity is for the birds.”
“There are NO diamonds on her band. I would much rather cut the shit out of the insides of my pinky and middle finger doing mundane tasks such as typing and look fab AF doing it then not have the 16 microscopic pebbles lining my band.”
“Oh. My. God. He didn’t even go diamond. Is that Sapphire? That poor thing.”
“He actually went to Jared…”
Before you pass judgment on us guys for something we have invested so much into, think about the sacrifice that was made for that ring. Let’s talk about two things that pretty much drive all decisions us guys make, ladies. The cost and the time.
The Cost
Out-fucking-rageous. God forbid the dude only spent $3K on it. Hopefully, the lady has simple taste because jewelry is insane. You know this. If your man is shelling out 3 month’s salary for an engagement ring, he most likely will not have rent for the next six months. Or he is just incredibly baller and for that, I applaud him. Anyone that expects us guys to be spending an entire three-month’s salary on this is fucked in the head. Or they are living in the ’50s when no one had student loans up to their eyeballs and everyone had steady, good paying jobs. The three months thing is outdated. Leave it in the past.
Most of us younger folks will be paying back our education well into our thirties. And the same majority will also be stiff armed into getting hitched by the women in our lives before then. So, there is not a lot of room in the budget for the engagement ring you are not so subtly hinting at. Especially if you want a decent wedding. But the wedding is an entirely different ball game for another time.
*Pinches skin*
Yup, still just flesh and bone. We aren’t made of money.
The Time
This is huge commitment we’re making here. We have already decided that we want to marry you, which is generally a long process in and of itself. But now we have to pick out a ring? OUT OF ALL THE RINGS?!? Fuck. It needs to be said that none of us have ever undertaken such a difficult task.
Sure, when we were first dating you, we struggled a little bit and debated on what/if anything to get you for your birthday or Christmas that first year because we started dating a month prior to said dates and we didn’t want to come on too strong or too weak because our relationship was still at the awkward early parts. (Bath & Body Works everything, by the way, because you can’t really go wrong.)
But this. This is the Mount Everest of our relationship to date. There are dozens of jewelry stores to choose from just in the immediate vicinity. And hundreds, maybe even thousands of rings to choose from in each store. By my calculations, that is approximately infinite options. And we are tasked with picking something that will make you tear up with joy instead of disappointment and resentment when we reveal it to you. No pressure or anything.
Now, I am not without a blame as I too have thought, “Hey man, you probably could have put a little more thought behind that one” when I see a less than stellar ring. But I have been in his shoes. I picked out the diamond, the band and the setting for my wife’s piece and spent a good deal of time on the design instead of going premade #humblebrag. And as such, I sympathize with him. I know the process. I know the feeling deep in the pit of your gut when you sign away thousands of hard earned dollars for something much smaller than that stick of ChapStick that she keeps losing.
My point is, who are we to judge the level of love and commitment of a relationship based on karats? Why does a princess cut mean he loves her more? It doesn’t. And the engagement ring that man gave to his girlfriend to lay claim to her heart forever (all divorce statistics aside) is none of our business. Hell, if that were true, they would keep that shit off of social media. But let’s keep the malicious opinions to ourselves anyways.
That poor bastard is trying. .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
@207Cush
Protip: I know the comment about “anything less than VVS-1…” was joking, but seriously, go learn what the terms mean when you’re ready to buy. SI1 is “some inclusions noticeable under 10x power”. Even the most materialistic chick isn’t bringing a jeweler’s loupe to the bar. Only pay for the shit you can actually see. The cost difference there is thousands. Same with color; don’t pay for a colorless stone if you’re putting it in a gold setting, because the stone will pick up the color from the setting anyways. Don’t let some sales dude/lady talk you into spending money on shit that doesn’t matter. No one cares about what the rock looks like under 10x power in a lab, your girl cares about what it looks like on her finger at the bar/brunch/office.
Yuuuuuuuup.
Preach
Feed us more. I need this knowledge.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond_(gemstone)#Gemological_characteristics with links to mini articles on each.
IMO, you want:
-clarity of SI1/SI2 (depends, can have several small inclusions or 1 big inclusion and get the same rating, 1 big inclusion is no bueno) or better
-D, E, or F on color assuming a platinum setting (gold/white gold you can go lower).
-Cut is preference (round, square, princess, etc)
-then buy the biggest size you can afford once you lock in the other three.
Then you get to pick a setting to stick the diamond into, platinum is “the best” but has apparently exploded in price in the 9 years (ugh) since I’ve bought a ring. Make the choice of solitare, more elaborate sides, or more than 1 stone, etc. If you go with smaller stones on the sides, make sure the colors match but the rest is probably not important unless the side stones are big enough to see imperfections.
Good luck.
Thanks man.
*puts in settings on Blue Nile*
Oh fuck.
Certain cuts refract light better than others and are shinier. Princess cut, the square ones, are in my opinion better looking and more stylish but the traditional cut is better at sparkling.
My opinion is that you want your bride-to-be’s opinion on two things: cut of the diamond, and general type of ring (solitare vs. ornamentation vs. side stones, etc). Given that, go pick something out you think she will like. Ladies tend to be very particular when it comes to cut. Like if you were buying me a car, maybe you want to know if I want a sedan vs. truck vs. SUV. Same idea with cut. And a ring is basically the same price as a car, so..
And paying for GIA is bullshit so long as you don’t plan on selling it, although most jewelers will buy back their diamond at value if you do upgrade down the road.
Picked out my own ring. Found it on Instagram. $900 and it was exactly what I wanted. From the 1930s and totally unique. Happy as a fucking clam and get tons of compliments–but again we got it for me, not for a bunch of bitchy spectators.
I actually really liked the BuzzFeed article when someone got engaged with a ring made from a tooth–because hey, it’s all about doing you and being personal.
Cush: Thanks for bringing light to this plight and PS. PGP changes all my titles. I apparently suck at them. It’s not personal.
We’re all looking for our Caroline, but unicorns are hard to come by.
but does Caroline have a sister…
You sure kick ass at writing though.
Yeah my title wasn’t the best. Gotta work on that I suppose. Thanks for the feedback, Caroline.
You gotta have a “guy” to go to so you aren’t getting a ring from a chain retail store – it will almost always be higher quality and less expensive. Only downside is you can generally finance with the chain retailers (diamonds direct, Tiffany’s, etc.), and independent jewelers tend to require full payment upfront.
If you can’t pay for it upfront it’s too expensive. Financing something that 1) isn’t an investment and 2) doesn’t do anything is simply idiotic.
Normally I’d agree, but if you can get 0 interest for 12-24 months it might be the way to go for some people.
They’ll without fail spend all that cash on the wedding. I’ve done the 12-24mo 0% APR on credit cards when I bought some big things, but I didn’t turn around and spend the cash I could have used on something else, I invested it or paid off loans.
Good point. It’s the thought that counts, right?
That’s what I’m banking on, zero percent chance I’m spending 3mo salary on a ring.
Bought my wife’s at a smaller jeweler. They went out of business this past year so the warranty is fucked. True story. PGP.
If you can pay it all up front, go to a family owned jeweler and offer to pay in cash. If they are worth anything they won’t add sales tax to the ring so you save a few bucks
The title isn’t quite what I had originally, as the column is not directed at the poor bastard himself. But I appreciate the publication, PGP team.
We changed it because it wasn’t a good title.
Fair enough.
Okay.
I am glad that it isn’t the guy that bought the Halo, diamond cluster or those hideous Chocolate Diamond rings.
I’ve got an uncle that has a jewelry store in another state. When my brother was looking at rocks for his now wife we had my uncle send us some to look over. Pretty shocking to open up your mail one day and find $100 k in diamonds in a normal manila envelope.
Is it outrageous to suggest that you and the lady pick the ring out together? You can ask a girl to marry you, and be romantic about it without a ring. I think any girl who bases her decision based upon the presence of the ring at the proposal may not exactly be “wife material.” After she says yes, you both just go together to ensure she’s happy with the ring she’ll be wearing for the next 6-12 months.
Nowadays most women have a Pinterest page with wedding shit all over it. Have a friend of hers look through it and help you out
Not sure if that was a “the engagement will most likely be cut short and you’ll break up” joke, or if you don’t actually know how the whole engagement/wedding ring thing works. They don’t stop wearing the engagement ring once they get the wedding band. They wear both. Which only adds to the difficulty because then you both get to search for the wedding band that has to mesh with the engagement rin. Utter chaos.
I think you might have misinterpreted that. 6-12 months because I’ve seen 12 months be relatively standard for all the weddings I’ve attended, but I know there are those 6 month shotgun weddings. I am fully aware they continue to wear the engagement ring, but how often after you get married does the wife go around showing the ring off? The engagement is primetime for this behavior. My point in the comment was what happens if you drain all your accounts for some $10K ring and you find out your lady wanted something simpler?
“My point in the comment was what happens if you drain all your accounts for some $10K ring and you find out your lady wanted something simpler?”
Has that, in the history of women, happened, ever? “This rock is just too big and flashy, can I have something that won’t be so show-offy to my friends?”
I’m sure no one’s ever said that (that would be rude) but I’ve definitely seen rings I thought were too big and looked tacky.
Are you female? Because I agree, I’ve seen ugly flashy rings, but I’m male. My wife has the same view on diamonds that I have on TVs, car engines, and cups of beer, ie, bigger = better.
I am. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say no (I’m marrying the man, not the ring). I like big diamonds, but there’s a limit (which is way beyond any reasonable budget) and big chunky settings are not my jam.
The word for that is “gaudy.”
My fiance got lucky. I dropped the hint early on that I wanted to wear my mother’s ring someday. He saved thousands and knew I loved it. He just had to as my dad for it…
Or just ask her friends, because I’m about 150% certain that they’ve showed each other what they want if your relationship is getting to that point. Heck, they’ve probably talked about it before you guys even met. You’ll never get it wrong and won’t ruin the surprise.
At least he wasn’t “the guy who built his ring online.”
I’m sure that all of those turn out well.
I did that and saved hundreds if not thousands for the same quality you get at a store, they offer HD video of the specific diamond you are interested in, they allowed me to send it back for free if I did not like it, it was delivered directly to a local store so we could examine everything together, got to custom make it and see what it will potentially look like before it was made and sent, offered up to two resizes for free.
Being “that guy” actually worked out pretty well…
If you don’t buy from James Allen, you absolutely will pay 30-40% more at a brick and mortar. And then you get to be “that guy” that paid 40% more for the exact same thing.
Completely disagree. wholesale online is way better bang for your buck. Buy the stone and get it set in the store. Also spend wtf you can actually afford. You’ll look pretty dumb if you lost your job and forked over 3 months of salary for a rock