======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I was having a conversation the other day with a friend about work. What we deduced was that no one really likes to work. That being said, staying home all day and hanging out may be fun, but like anything, it eventually gets old.
Ask anyone that has been on funemployment – it’s sure great to be able to wake up at noon and watch pirated Rocko’s Modern Life episodes, but having money and being able to do stuff while not being considered a leech to society is also pretty good. Not working is a novelty and that wears off after having to turn down going out for the tenth time due to lack of funds.
In college, any time not in class was spent day drinking, betting on FIFA ’11 games with Hurricanes as currency or chasing women. Sure, there were still those looming group projects where only two of the four people could spell, busywork homework assignments that graduate students graded or the vocabulary quiz for the Communications general elective I took, but largely, college was a breeze. Now I work to pay off college.
I don’t feel like my day begins until I head home from the office at 4 p.m. And do you know the best of being home? Taking off my business casual monkey suit.
There is no better feeling in the world than walking through the door and immediately taking off your pants. Feels good, man. I love to be one foot in the door, kicking off my pants, Kobe-ing them into a billowing-over hamper if I happened to have spilled something on them. Because it’s not like they get dirty otherwise when I sit in a cubicle all day. No one washes pants unless they are dirty.
Truth be told, I’m burned out after spending two days on all-day conference calls with our good friends at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and I want nothing more than to go home, crack open a cold one and drink until I fall asleep. I may or may not do this one or more nights a week on a regular basis. It’s only a problem if you go to a meeting for it, right?
As I throw my khakis onto the top of the couch, pet my dogs and look at my overgrown pile of laundry, dishes, and everything out of place, all I can think about is taking a nap. Do you ever have so much to do that you decide to take a nap?
After lying on the couch to collect my thoughts, I realize it’s time to start the day.
The eight or so hours of work I put in are a mere memory at this point, where I question if they even really happened. If I take a nap, I’ll never get to bed; it’s time to enjoy these free hours in between work. The weekend is really never enough time to do anything or get anything done. Sure, two days off is great, but it’s hard to enjoy Friday due to being burned out from the week, Saturday is full of sports, hiking, boozing, trips to Home Depot and fun, and Sunday is full of sadness, hangovers and Scaries.
At home, I know I have a guaranteed six hours of peace and quiet. I only interact with people that I want to interact with, if I even want to at all. I will never sync up my phone and work email for this reason: it’s nice to unplug and not deal with garbage from work, have a phone that I am obligated to answer, and go to meetings where I doodle in a notepad while pretending to write notes.
Every day at work is a blur. Can you remember anything from fifth grade, high school, or, hell, even college? I know I can’t. Work is what we do in between fun stuff. It’s how society is, and it’s how we play the game. I can’t remember what I did in Mr. Kling’s class, but I sure can tell you what it was like to score a hat trick in my first varsity game. Life is about the important things, but without the mundane, we wouldn’t appreciate the great times not at work. The king is gone, but he’s not forgotten..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
Anyone that says they enjoy work is lying. Work is just the thing I do to afford the things I actually want to do. Well written Madoff.
Thanks brother, still waiting on your next one.
Umm….Thanks for being a fan I guess. Never thought I would say that to someone. Unfortunately, you will be waiting awhile. These columns aren’t coming as easy to me as I thought they would.
Sallie Mae is robbing an entire generation of having a life outside of work. Thanks For helping fund our little pieces of paper we got after 4 years of college Sallie. We love working 50 hours a week in a cubicle, only getting paid for 40 of them and then paying your huge interest rates let alone the principal balance each month that is the equivalent of a mortgage for a house with a “water view”. Eating out of Tuna cans or eating copious amounts of pasta is really fun while watching Netflix in our run down apartments outside of the city too. Hey, maybe if we get mercury poisoning from all that tuna we’ll be able to finally reach the deductible on our terrible employee health insurance plans to get a little bit of it covered. In the meantime, we’ll just save our dimes up to be able to go out once in awhile and drink to forget about everything. Hell, maybe we’ll blog about it or Instagram that shit to make everyone else feel like they’re missing out on something they’re already doing!
Not sure why the downvotes, you speak the truth.
Thanks man. Love your columns. Keep them coming
I feel you. I agree; papa Madoff may sadly be the minority in our generation. Hopefully the wheels start to turn soon as we see millenials break into more Managment positions. Regardless, nice to hear from the other side.
PS. I hope you don’t get mercury poisoning.
Haha thanks Caroline. We’re all in this together so it’s nice knowing that pretty much everyone can relate to something like this
Can anyone explain why you can get a better interest rate on a new car than you can on student loans? The first is a luxury, while the second is an investment in one’s future. What the fuck is that about? fuck banks.
You’ve made poor choices.
So youre going to say that to an entire generation? From your picture it looks like you’re casting into an empty pond. Maybe while you’re at it, you can cast out and reel in a relevant come back to the poorest generation on record with over $1 trillion in debt before they even invest in their first practical asset. It’s cool though I’ll let that one go. Catch and release of you will.
Ugh. Ok. Where to start? The picture is of me enjoying one of the finer things in life and that is just enjoying a walk with my son. It was even free. Are far as your “empty pond” reference. Not even sure if I want to respond to it as it is one of the dumber things I have read to be used in a argument but here it goes: Not every fish can be seen from the top. And if were casting out, I wouldn’t blame the fish if I couldn’t catch one. Next, start thinking of your education as an asset. It’s not just 4 year party that you unique and beautiful butterflies can use to spread your wings. It is an investment in your future, if you choose to pursue that route. Finally, I am lumping the entire generation of people that chose majors that would never pay for themselves in with the “poor choices” statement. Don’t like it? Too bad. That is the way it is. Don’t saddle yourself with debt that you have no way to pay for. No one forced you to take out student loans. You caved to societal pressure and believed the bullshit that everyone needs a college degree. I could reference you to plenty of studies that prove government backed loans have only made things harder by driving up costs of a degree, but if you cared enough, you would have already done it yourself. Sallie Mae isn’t the problem. YOU are your own problem.
The thing that kills me is the people who spend money on Division 1 Universities and get pointless degrees. My folks laid down the law and said, “We can afford a D2 state school and you won’t have loans down the road. Or you can go D1 and pay out the ass the rest of your life.” Basically if you can’t afford the education of a big school then find other options.
I think everyone needs to just calm down. Here, have a beer.
Lucky bastard.
Ok but a degree in something that you hate is a waste of money in that it provides you with training and education to enter in a field you hate and therefore a life you hate. Either study what you love, something that teaches you how to think deeply and analytically, how to write, how to ask questions, or just go to vocational school. I’d much rather have my Creative Writing degree and a job I can stand rather than have spent 4 years in Business Admin only to graduate to life in cubicle wearing a pencil skirt for no one in particular. In the scheme of things you are bound to fuck up your life more by following antiquated notions.
I was being sarcastic man. Although I agree with what you’re saying, you can’t just lump an entire generation into one facet of a stereotype. There are kids everywhere who have engineering degrees or finance degrees who work at good companies and make decent salaries who still can’t afford to progress their lives never mind afford basic things because of soaring interest rates and a principal balance that barely gets chipped away each month not to mention the increased cost of living. Just because I speak the truth of the matter doesn’t make me a complainer who is doing nothing about it. The middle class kids get pinched because they don’t get financial aid but they also don’t have enough money to cover the increasing costs of college each semester so loans are the only option. I would have loved to do a trade if I could do it all over again but I didn’t. When you find out that nearly 70% of the money we spend toward our loans gets allocated to the defense and military spending then yeah it starts to make a little more sense as to why things are the way they are. I mean let’s be honest, there aren’t people sitting in the board rooms of Raytheon or General Atomics hoping that peace breaks out and proxy wars stop overseas. If all that money we fork over actually went back into education then we wouldn’t have an education problem in the first place.
I graduated with a 3.55 and 2 bachelors as well as a masters degree. The state I live in doesn’t offer up scholarships or anything like Georgia, TN, WV, etc. have for skilled high school students. It’s also hard to decide on a major when you’re 18-19 years old. I initially wanted to be a cop, did an internship with the police and realized it’s not what I wanted to do. My masters was paid for by good grades. My mortgage is 4% and my loans are 8%. At least with the house, I get something. If someone gives me the ol Phineus Gage, guess who’s out of that knowledge? I also went to a landgrant university that was cheaper than my state’s landgrant.
I’m right there with you dude. The good thing is that you are gaining equity by having your house and making your payments.
What’s truly fucked? I pay $600 a month in loans and $300 a month on my mortgage (split both ways with the woman).
I pay $1,200 a month in loans and $600 a month in rent only because my land lord outright owns the house and gave my roommates and I a steep discount.
Reading this at work, I want to be home…
I work full time and still turn down going out for lack of funds. Damn you, sallie Mae
I’ve been struggling with getting out of the work mindset this whole week, and reading the article was a great breath of fresh air. Thank you.
Here to help whenever I can. We’re all in this shitshow of a life together.
Shut up, Alan.
I’m a teacher so I can attest that staying home all day for 3 months actually does get old after a while. I know I won’t get any sympathy here, but summers get pretty lonely since everyone is at work all day so it’s not like you can really do anything anyways.
I just don’t get why teachers sit on their ass. Make more fucking money. Bar tend. Move to Montana for 3 months and be a flyfishing guide, be a river rafting guide in Colorado, work on dive boats in the keys or the Carribbean. That’s what my ass would be doing if I had 3 months to myself.
I don’t know Jan, but he/she may have kids who need supervision during the summer. Some teachers become teachers because of the schedule.
One of mine was a stripper two towns away during the summer.
Rock n roll.
You had me at “Rocko’s Modern Life.” That guy sure knew how to cut loose with Heifer after he put in his hours as a phone sex operator (yes, went above my head at the time too). Sounds like you do too (sub phone sex operator for x white collar job). Good on you.
And you’re right- I don’t remember much about the Iriquois Indians from fifth grade.
But I remember a fuck ton of Rocko’s Modern Life episodes.
Point proven. This piece made me feel happy.