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We made it. I know it felt like the last two years would never end and we’d spend the rest of our lives forced to listen to argument after argument, but this far too long election is finally over. Before the dust really settles and we start to get more finger pointing and even some 2020 candidates popping up, here are 9 ways you can spend November 9 cleansing your palette of all things politics.
1. Binge watch Armageddon/Independence Day/Apollo 13: Bruce Willis laying down his life so a young Ben Affleck can have a planet to fly back to and keep banging his daughter on, Bill Pullman giving one of the best Presidential speeches of our time while Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum play Top Gun with aliens, and Tom Hanks and Ed Harris spending billions of taxpayer money just do to a flyover of the moon. Three solid movies that accentuate America’s ability to thrive in any kind of crisis you throw us in, all without ever mentioning which party is holding the reins at the time.
2. Volunteer at an Animal Shelter: We’ve seen total strangers become hostile to one another solely because of one opinion they know they disagree on. Escape all this rampant negativity and anger and spend some time with some creatures that will use all their energy to let you know how excited they are to have you in their presence as soon as you walk in the door. Puppies don’t care who you voted for; they just want a head scratch.
3. Renew your Passport: Whether your candidate won or lost, or even if you never pick a destination, it’ll be comforting knowing that if shit hits the fan or if you want to take your victory celebrations out into the very lax areas of international law, you’ve got a current passport to streamline you to getting the hell out of here.
4. BYOB Pot Luck: Regardless of celebration or mourning, nobody likes to drink alone, and no one likes to pay the full tab either. Call some friends, tell them to pick up whatever is cheap and drinkable, and settle in for a night of reliving the last time you downed an entire bottle of Maker’s by yourself, back when the only President you had any opinion on electing was throwing up at the tailgate next to you.
5. Take a hike/Hit the Gym: If you have the ability I definitely encourage you to go find the woodsiest jogging trail or park or actual forest you can and just get lost for a couple hours. Remind yourself that there’s an entire beautiful natural world in America that has nothing to do with this election. If you can’t get outside the city, find a gym and get a good long sweat in to detox all the stress this nonsense has unknowingly been weighing you down with.
6. Go watch Home Movies with Mom and Dad: If your parents live close enough, drive home and spend the evening watching some home movies. It’ll be a good escape to take some time remembering when you were more concerned with numbers of MySpace friends than numbers of electorates. Plus mom and dad have been through a lot more than you have. They’ll reassure you the world isn’t really coming to an end. If they’re too far away, have them throw up some candid photos from back in the day and reminisce for a little while about that Halloween costume you didn’t take off until after New Year’s Day.
7. Add all the relatives back to Social Media that you deleted: I know, it seems counter productive when we’re trying to escape the election to reintroduce people to your life that you removed because they couldn’t stop hitting share on every political piece they found. But holiday season is approaching and you’re going to have to listen to Uncle Stan’s conspiracy theories while he open mouthed gulps down all the dark meat turkey anyway, so you might as well slowly expose yourself to all the craziness now instead of getting blindsided by his latest “news article,” when you see him at Thanksgiving. Plus, it’ll take some stress off your mom’s back because Aunt Joyce will stop asking her every time she calls why your Uncle Jack can see you on “The Facebook,” but she can’t.
8. Create something: Whatever your creation for the world is, whether you draw/paint, break out a guitar every once in a while, write, have a whole room of furniture in the house you made yourself, or put together a killer recipe from time to time, take today and create something. Put something out there that is totally your own, and is in no way affiliated with politics or the election.
9. Window shop for new jobs: Whenever all the day to day bears down on me a little too much up at work, I like to browse the job listings in my field and just see what’s out there. Find an opening for that dream title you’ve been searching for in Denver and daydream for a little bit about what it’d be like to land it. Maybe go so far as to attach your resume to an exploratory email and contemplate hitting send for a few minutes.
Whatever you do today, devote some time to unplug and destress a little. The past two years has been stressful for everyone no matter how hard you might have tried to avoid all of it. Forget about everything that’s happened and everything that lies ahead for a few hours and remember that this is still America, and no matter who’s in charge we’ve still got it better than anywhere else. God Bless the USA..
Image via Shutterstock
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BBisgard45
Golf Pro in B/CS TX trying to trick the PGA into certifying me to give swing advice for a living.
@BrianBisgard
Blackout. The tried and true method for everything.
Pretty effective method for forgetting.
Blackout sex that I won’t remember.
Holler
I plan on slamming some Trumplemintz shots tonight.
10. Texting that ex that you know will sleep with you – only so that the shame and regret will overshadow the feelings over last night’s results. I’m sure this works for most people, I just stick to the tried and true bounce test video on my laptop.
If you didn’t tell your wife to go ahead with the procedure in a 3rd world country, wouldn’t have to text that ex.
Too soon bro… Too soon….
The best distraction from everything? Knowing what you shoot.
That’s why your state Parks and Wildlife Department categorizes the year into seasons, so you won’t be confused
I needed this today. Thank you.
Sup? Wanna go work up a sweat under the bed sheets?
now we can get back to debating the important things
This is probably unpopular, but I’d just like to say that I think Grandex’s covering of this election was quite poor. Selling Reagan t-shirts, constantly mocking the Republican nominee, and pulling punches on Hillary Clinton almost daily. I really hope you guys do better in the future and criticize both parties or not at all.
I really hope we aren’t coming to this site for their election coverage.
Where else am I going to go find out where the top 10 cities for millenials to humblebrag about their girlfriends, teach golf for a living, save their hairline, get fucked up on the weekend, ponder life election coverage?
Wait, we got an article on how to save our hairline? Asking for a friend…
That’s pretty much exactly my point. Most of us don’t come here for politics, some of us even come here to get away from politics. But, the topic of politics gets views, so Grandex covers it. And I think if we’ve learned anything this election, it’s that even bad press is good press for politicians. So if they insist on covering politics, then do better.
I mean, this is a humor website. He did a lot more to lend himself to humorous takes. I don’t think anyone can dispute that, regardless of politics.
I think you’re using the word humor a little too liberally
I’m not trying to start a political argument here and trust me, I’m far from being a huge trump support BUT I do think his win is great for America. And I don’t mean because his policies or ideas or whatever…but because the way this country is. For months we’ve heard nothing but how awful Trump is, how great Hilary is and how Trump doesn’t stand a chance/shouldn’t have a chance yet at the end of the day he won. And I don’t think it’s so much a win for Trump or conservatives as it is for the normal, majority of the population. It seems to me that enough people have had enough of these small groups trying to change the entire dynamic of our country and it’s amazing to see the collective voice heard last night. I know this is rambling garbage but I’ve never felt such patriotism as I do today (except when Bush gave his speech at Ground Zero). I hope we can all come together and revitalize back the freedom loving, badass America we all know and love.
“I Normally don’t post political things on Facebook but..”
I don’t have a facebook
Well that’s where this kind of shit belongs, so hurry up and get one.
Damn you should get one people love biggotry on that website
“a win for the normal people”
“had enough of the small groups trying to make their lives better and more equal”
c’mon man.
“…for the normal, majority of the population…”
Yeah, he didn’t win the majority of the votes…
Californians, New Yorkers, and Massachusettsans aren’t the normal, majority of the population, they’re assholes.
Over half no longer means majority, gotcha.
Does “normal people” in this instance mean white christian males cause that sure as hell was Trump’s ravenous fan base who view things like marriage equality as an attack on their way of life when it doesn’t really affect them. Here’s the truth. White Christian Americans view themselves as the default when there is not such thing. Black, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim are just as American. Trump’s election was a reaction by people who view the system as titled when it is actually leveling the playing field and treating everyone as fucking people. All the people flying the flag as a threat and saying “don’t let muslims in” or saying all minorities including those who are natural born citizens ned to be deported are the antithesis of what America should be despite them foaming at the mouth about their patriotism. I worry for other minorities in America and people who will have their way of life actively attacked liked married LBGTQ couples who will have people trying to make their marriage illegal again. I hope Trump is more moderate than his campaigning but I fear his supporters view this affirmation that this country belongs to them. I have as much of a problem with people saying they want to leave. America is supposed to stand for love and equality and I think his election was a step back in both regards. No matter what though I love this country and believe it will persevere.
Normal person here to say that today is one of the most devastating days in my adult life. Unless by normal people you mean the white uneducated masses, in which case this really isn’t a win for them because they’re about to get fucked in the ass by the US just as hard if not harder than the rest of us.
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