Last night, in the midst of an argument, my boyfriend said some very hurtful words. It wasn’t as bad as “Maybe you should think about dieting” or “Your best friend looked hotter than you last night,” but it was still enough to banish him to the couch for the night. For very valid reasons, him saying, “You need to get over your fear of the suburbs,” pissed me off.
As a newcomer to Chicago, I am well aware of the unfortunate aspects of city life. I know how much it sucks to find a parking spot, how difficult it is to carry the nine bags of groceries six blocks home, and how expensive a cab can be at three in the morning when you’re lost on the wrong side of town. All that being said, the suburbs suck more, and here’s why.
You Literally Have To Drive Everywhere
For those of us accustomed to walking out of the apartment building to the Starbucks across the street, the suburbs are a brutal awakening. Target isn’t three blocks away, there is no grocery store just down the street, and you can’t just hop on a bus that takes you downtown. If you want any of these things in the suburbs you’re forced to take your car out of the garage and drive to them. And I hate driving.
The Nightlife Sucks
Have you ever heard a bachelorette party say “We’re headed to Atlanta for the weekend, but we’re just going to stay out in the suburbs?” No, you haven’t. There is no nightlife in the suburbs, unless you consider a pickup basketball game with your 12-year-old neighbor exciting. The bars are full of weird men and divorced women and the chances of finding a club are slim to none. In the city, you can find a new bar every night if you want to; in the suburbs, you become really fond of the one bartender you see four nights a week.
The Suburbs Are All The Same
Every city is a mix of all things wonderful: skyscrapers, parks, restaurants, bars, patios, sports arenas. It’s like you turn around and there is another hundred things to see and do. Living in New York is nothing like living in Los Angeles which is nothing like living in Miami. Not so in the suburbs of these cities, which all feature perfectly green front lawns and medium-sized houses spaced the perfect distance apart with exactly three children playing on the swing set in the back yard.
No One Needs That Much Space
First you move from your college dorm room to a studio apartment and you have to buy stuff to fill the space. Then you move from your studio apartment to a one-bedroom apartment and you have to buy even more stuff to fill the space. Moving from your one-bedroom apartment to a three-bedroom, two-bath house is going to be a complete pain in the ass. You’re going to be spending hours upon hours buying new things from the IKEA store and you’re going to be spending all your time putting said things together for your two new guest bedrooms. Who needs that much space? Seriously, who?
Chain Restaurants Are Terrible
In the suburbs, you may choose between exactly sixteen restaurants: Olive Garden, Applebee’s, Chilis, Ruby Tuesday, Texas Roadhouse, Bob Evans, Red Lobster, and well, you get the picture. Rather than finding a rare hole-in-the-wall Mexican kitchen with amazing tacos or a little-known Chinese restaurant with to-die-for hangover food, you’re forced to choose between a small variety of places known for serving mediocre food in massive quantities. Yum.
You Get Stuck
The worst part of the suburbs is that it’s all so perfect America – it’s the American dream. You have a big house and a three-car garage and good public schools and two perfect dogs and sixteen restaurants that you’ve learned to love, and it’s all very lovely. Life in the suburbs is very nice and it’s all too easy to fall into a routine of averageness. No one wants that life. No one.
The Commute
No explanation needed.
7 reasons the city sucks:
1) Public transportation
2) Cramped living quarters
3) Police everywhere
4) urban “youths”
5) Noise
6) Lack of outdoor drinking areas
7) Nowhere to swim
#6 is beyond true and really killing my groove right now.
Chicago has some incredible beer gardens. Obviously not the same as drinking on the front lawn of a fraternity house but it gets the job done.
I’d take Sunnyvale over the suburbs any day. Much more interesting people!
Just watch out for those darn bottle kids!
You had me at American Dream. I’ll take the suburbs with my 16 restaurants, good school system for my kids, three car garage in a cookie cutter neighborhood, etc. Maybe it’s because I’ve always lived in the suburbs as a kid and my college was basically in the suburbs, I’m just too used to it to move to the big, scary downtown life.
Life begins once you leave your comfort zone, dude. Trust me.
I learned this the hard way…..in pledging, college, and real life.
Too many times
Rural America, anyone? I dig being able to leave my house and car unlocked because my nearest neighbors are 3 miles away.
Spot on.
As a life long resident of “Atlanta” I would like to point out there are a several areas of “Atlanta,” Buckhead, Brookhaven, Midtown, Vinings, and downtown… Downtown Atlanta is a scary place…. not one I’d want to go to for any outing other than a Falcons/ Braves game, or concert. Only in midtown is it really practical to walk anywhere…. otherwise you are driving. This is still very much a non public transit city unfortunately.
I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. As an Atlanta resident who lives exactly 3/4 of a block from a MARTA (read metro) station, I have used it 3 times in the last year and each time was for a sporting event. I also live in Downtown Atlanta. I hardly walk anywhere off my block due to the urban ‘youths’.
Please don’t kill my Atlanta vibe.. I’m moving there this weekend. Anybody wanna be my friend?
I fully appreciate this sentiment. I love that there is a 24/7 CVS on every block of my city, and while my apartment is small, and overly expensive, it’s still modern and nice. Living in a city is fun, and everyone should experience it when young and single. However, I am definitely moving to the suburbs by 30 (hopefully sooner). It is impossible to drive here, the bright lights outside my window are not even blackout-shade proof, and I can’t stand the sketchiness, even in “nice” parts. It’s crowded, public transportation is horrifying enough that a cab is worth it, and that adds up quickly. I want a dog I don’t have to pay a $200 rent for, and a grocery store I can drive my SUV to and from without aforementioned sketchiness either in the store or on the road. And a golf course every now and then would be great. I think the only parts I will miss about living in a city are easy cabs to/from bars, and an apartment concierge to receive/take packages. That’s about it.
where are you in chitown?!
Bold move.
As a fellow Chicagoland transplant the best solution I have come up with is to live within walking distance of the Metra and suburb bars. Chill out on the patio in the burbs for happy hour and then take the train and hit Hubbard for the night. City when you want it and suburbs when you don’t!