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If you’re anything like me, you’ve never been to Delaware and you love watching horror movies in October to prepare yourself for Halloween.
I don’t know why, but I love to freak myself out with some of Hollywood’s scariest movies before spending Halloween hanging out with all my cool friends at exclusive parties and definitely not staying in, watching more movies all by myself in my parents’ basement, being interrupted every 10 minutes to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. I definitely go to cool parties and stuff.
Anyway, here are some of my favorite horror movies to watch:
“27 Dresses”
There is nothing scarier than a girl who is “always the bridesmaid.” In fact, I got goosebumps just thinking about it. “27 Dresses” stars Katherine Heigl as a sassy yet strong career-driven woman who may or may not have obsessive-compulsive disorder. She’s also been in a lot of weddings–27 to be exact, in case reading movie titles isn’t really your thing.
“Knocked Up”
Yikes. The name of this movie alone could give anyone the willies. This movie stars Katherine Heigl as a sassy yet strong career-driven woman who gets pregnant from a one-night stand with a guy who has a really annoying laugh (Seth Rogen). This movie reminds me a lot of “Rosemary’s Baby,” because I’m pretty sure Rosemary hooked up with Seth Rogen in that movie, too. This explains why, throughout the film, she was so paranoid for the birth of her own child.
“New Year’s Eve”
Much like the classic, Christmas-themed horror film “Santa’s Slay” (which seems like a delightful Christmas movie until you notice the spelling), you would think “New Year’s Eve” would be a fun, holiday film. Don’t be fooled. It’s horror in its truest form. This film will make your stomach drop like Times Square’s ball (and/or this movie’s Rotten Tomatoes score). Katherine Heigl plays Laura, a sassy yet strong career-driven woman. She happens to be the ex-girlfriend of famed musician Daniel Jensen, played by Jon Bon Jovi, who at this point in his life may or may not be made of leather. I can’t tell. Toward the end of the film, Jensen leaves his Times Square concert midway through to apologize to Laura and win her back. Talk about livin’ on a prayer, am I right? But hey, it’s his life. It’s now or never. He’s not gonna live forever. If you ask me, I think he gives love a bad name. Sorry, I’m done. But yeah, this movie will scare the bajeebies out of you, mainly because this ain’t a love song.
“The Ugly Truth”
The scariest part about this movie is the terrible, green-screened, hot air balloon scene at the end. I always have to cover my eyes at that part.
“Life As We Know It”
Like any great horror movie, this film starts off with a death in, like, the first 10 minutes. This movie stars Katherine Heigl as a sassy yet strong career-driven woman who owns a bakery. The last thing on her mind is settling down to start a family. So, guess what? She is forced to settle down and start a family. Her friends, who tragically passed away, leave her and Josh Duhamel to take care of their little daughter. The scariest part of this film? Katherine Heigl is all like, “This is the worst possible thing that could happen to me at this point in my life. I’m still single, I’m in my early thirties, and I’m forced to spend less time on my career to move into a beautiful home (a home that would be the “after” on an episode of HGTV’s ‘Property Brothers’) and raise a child (a child who is just too stinking cute) with JOSH FREAKIN’ DUHAMEL (which is short for JOSH FREAKIN’ WASHBOARD ABS AND SMILE THAT COULD MAKE THE MONA LISA BLUSH DUHAMEL)!” Yeah, I see your point, Heigl. I hate it when that happens. Terrifying.
“Grey’s Anatomy,” Seasons 1-6
Now, I know this isn’t a movie, but I will sometimes turn to TV series to scare myself half to death. I’ll usually turn to shows like “Tales From The Crypt,” “American Horror Story,” or “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.” Those shows can scare me just as much as any movie, and like any great horror film, this particular show takes place in a hospital. Creepy! It stars Katherine Heigl as a sassy yet strong career-driven woman. She’s doctor who just can’t keep a steady relationship to save her life (hospital joke), which is even creepier.
Honorable Mentions: “One For The Money,” “The Big Wedding,” “Wish Upon A Star,” and “Nightmare on Elm Street.”.
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Austin Huff
Austin wears pants every day. He is also the founder of KorkedBats.com.
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@AustinHuff
So many Katherine Heigl movies.
Flashing back to every romcom exes have made me watch gives me the cold sweats.
Nothin scarier than a desperate 30-something chick
The fuck?
this was coming close to a clickhole article, well done
I think we can all agree, the main point of this article is that Delaware is garbage. Almost as bad as Jersey.
Me and my high school girlfriend went to go see Knocked Up together. I did not get laid that night, probably should have seen that coming.
He hit every single one on my list, in order. Impressive