We all hear about those sugar babies marrying the rich men old enough to be their fathers or even grandfathers, with stepchildren that are their age or younger. Those stories always get a good laugh or a “could you imagine??” and never a second thought. Now, I’m not saying that my situation is on that Hugh Hefner level (my dad doesn’t have the required funds, sadly), but it’s still weird and seemingly getting weirder with age.

Let me back up and explain the situation. To start, my dad’s already a young dad. He was freshly 21 (and by “freshly”, I mean he was still on that celebratory bender the day I was born) when I came along. My parents divorced when I was ten and my dad met the love of his life shortly thereafter. Great, right? Well, yeah, except she is 10 years his junior. This may not seem like a big age difference, but, in this situation, it’s definitely had its super fucking weird moments that don’t seem to be getting less weird. Here are the front runners:

1. I was in high school when I moved in with her and she was only 24. I was being bossed around by someone who couldn’t go to fucking Enterprise by herself.

2. We shop at the same stores and no one thinks it’s weird, because she’s not old enough for that to be weird. Except me. Nothing makes you feel uncool faster than coming home in a matching outfit as your stepmom as a teenager-except when it looks better and more appropriate on her than it does you. We’re not talking about those cougars that still think it’s acceptable to rock Miss Me jeans and crop tops that show a little too much of their wrinkly tans and c-section scars. Bitch looks good. [side note: now that we’re in our 20s and 30s, this one has admittedly gotten less weird]

3. By the time I reached college, she was only entering her 30s and super good looking. Every group of friends has the MILF and the joke is hilarious for everyone except the poor soul who has to call her mom. Well mine is not only good looking, but close in age. Worst of all, I lived with four guys in college-I couldn’t even invite her to my apartment without hearing vile jokes for the next week. I think at least one of them legitimately thought they had a shot. I still cringe thinking about it.

4. She is closer in age to my husband than I am. They could have gone to prom together and we couldn’t have. Since my husband is six years older than me, there’s less than four years between them and it’s weird for everyone involved. Although I do get a good laugh out of creeping them out with this fun factoid by asking them about high school when we’re all together.

5. Finally, the most recent, and most awkward of all-she became a grandma in her EARLY 30s. That’s right. Let that sink in. At the age where most of us are just getting our shit together enough to stop referencing and bragging about every time we “adult” properly, this woman has raised four kids and is technically a grandma to three. I know this has to bother her more than it bothers me, but there’s just something weird about referring to someone as “grandma” that witnessed first-hand the rise and fall of JNCO jeans. And since my family’s not rich, no one jumps to a “sugar baby” scenario, but more of a “backwoods / my aunt is technically my first cousin one”. Awesome.

In all fairness though, even with all of the weirdness and sideways glances throughout the years, she’s the best and there are a lot of unexpected benefits to technically being in the same generational category as your stepparent. I’ll save those for another time..

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