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It has seemed like the winter of 2018 would never end but spring has finally arrived and with it, the prequel to wedding season: bachelor party season. Or bachelorette party season for our female PGP followers out there, of course. Everyone knows summer and early fall is prime for weddings so that means most stag parties are falling in the April-June time slot. I myself have a couple of these parties on the horizon this year, one of which includes a 3-night stay in New Orleans for which I am particularly
terrified excited about. We all have heard war stories about NOLA. Its reputation is one of monumental debauchery. So with that in mind, I have taken some steps to prepare myself for this trip of a lifetime.
As with any normal bachelor party, there is guaranteed to be an ungodly amount of alcohol that I will be encouraged to ingest. Being the washed up 27-year-old that I am, I can’t just dive right in and expect to hang for three nights straight in one of the biggest party locations this blessed US soil has to offer. Therefore, I’ve taken these past few weeks to ease my liver back into the game.
Two weeks ago I visited my alma mater for an alumni event my fraternity had. I don’t mean to brag but at 9:30 a.m. Saturday I was already a few drinks in and slipping coffee brandy into my morning brew. I shampooed in close to a dozen and a half beers and made it all the way to 10 p.m. This past weekend, I attended a party with some folks I’ve gotten to know over the past few months since adopting volleyball as my postgrad sport of choice. I took my first shot of straight liquor in months and rode the wave with some of my buddies all night until closing time. Small doses of binging serve to shock the body to bring back that familiar feeling and I am hoping this training pays dividends for the main event.
Money is tight currently due to working reduced hours temporarily so I am working with some small margins. As such, I have squirreled away some spending cash for the trip over the last couple of months. All the money I have saved on coffee since buying a cold brew maker, every time I skipped lunch, all of the little things I did to cut back have been stashed away. This stash will be turned into prepaid visa cards and my credit card will be left at home. I know this is lame. Thank you for your concern.
There is no way I make it out alive without the help of some pick-me-ups. I’ve got a 6 a.m. flight to catch the final day of the trip so I have just accepted that I won’t be sleeping at all that night. Luckily we have a guy with a script on the trip so your boy should have some backup in case he needs it.
It will be key to be able to operate on minimal sleep in New Orleans. Last night my wife woke me up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night with a terrible charlie horse in her leg. This rendered her completely immobile so I had to get up and go warm up a heating pack for her. I imagine this is what people with newborns experience but thankfully, our problem is just her hatred of bananas and not an actual living breathing human we are responsible for.
Preparing for the Worst
This trip very well could be the end of me. That’s fine. I accept it. I have had a good run. As a responsible adult, I’ve taken the liberty of writing a will. Spoiler alert: Hun, you get all of my debt..