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If there is one thing women love above all other things, it’s the attention of a man. If there’s one thing women love even more than that—it’s the attention of TWO men. The devil’s threesome has long been a fascination of mine. I always said, “I could never handle that,” but in the back of my mind I secretly hoped one day I could pull off the task of sexually conquering two dudes at once. Well, that day came and went, and although it was one hell of a ride, there were a few things I didn’t take into account about my sexual fantasy that I wish I would have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m way open to the off chance I have another D3, but with the proper preparation and taking the following into consideration.
Stress
What they don’t show you in porn, or movies, is the high pressure that comes with juggling two sets of balls at once. Being nervous during sex with someone new is normal. Being excited is normal, but needing to pop a Xanax mid thrust because you’re stressed about accidentally teething Guy 1’s manhood because Guy 2 is taking you from behind like a mad man – that’s not normal. Women are fantastic multi taskers, but every so often we get overwhelmed. We want to give each penis enough attention but we can only fit so many balls in our mouth at once.
Germs
So. Much. Saliva. Everywhere. Not only are you swapping spit with one guy, you’re then tonguing another dude and all his germs. His mouth, your mouth, his dick, your mouth again. It’s a cesspool for bacteria. Have Listerine on standby for the benefit of all parties involved.
The Unknown
Most times threesomes happen with one guy you’ve slept with before, and one newbie. Maybe they’re friends, roommates, it could even be a total stranger, but the bottom line is one of them knows your sexual preferences and the other one is just going in blind. This can cause communication problems. For example, you’re so caught up blowing the hot-shot quarterback, you fail to notice his teammate is about to ram his D into your B hole with the force of a thousand Spartan warriors, totally unannounced when you’ve never had anything other than poop up there (just kidding, girls don’t poop).
Overuse
If you’ve had marathon sex you’ve probably experienced banging to the point of everything being dry and raw. Now you’re introducing another man to your mouth, vag, and potentially, ass, and you can end up with a sore jaw, swollen snatch, and aching backside before you know it. My mom always said everything in moderation is okay, and so goes it for threesomes. Don’t overdo it or you’re going to be regretting it in the morning.
Ladies, don’t count out a devil’s threesome from your sexual portfolio—it can be pretty amazing to be the center of two guys’ attention. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into before you put an extra player on the field.
Respond
My eyes feel dirty after reading this. So fucking weird.
What the actual fuck?
Having to read this article on my iphone because I’m too worried about IT viewing my internet history. PGP
Never understood the thrill for the guys here (unless they are bisexual then it makes sense) but why have sex with a girl with another dudes junk in/around that girl, when you could just have sex with her without the potential ball to ball contact?
Now two girls one guy? Everyone knows that is completely normal and fine and the greatest thing ever #doublestandards
It takes the brotherhood of being Eskimo Bro’s to a whole new level.
I didn’t share in preschool and I’m not going to share now.
There’s nothing to consider.
Don’t do it.
…the literal fuck?
Did not expect this article to be written by a female. Very much surprised
If it doesn’t look that fun when the professionals do it why would you try it?
Do you order extra pickles at Subway too?
You’re a communist if you don’t.
Yeah, but have you ever had the good kind of threesome?