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A few weeks ago, I wrote about the four problems that come up when dating a tall girl. I got tons of feedback telling me that tall girls really aren’t that bad, and I couldn’t agree more. Let’s get it out in the open–I’m a tall girl. And no, this isn’t an “OMG, I want my readers to want to date me” kind of thing. I want the people who read my columns to want to date the ladies I’m about to describe: TALL GIRLS. We may have been born to a dad who’s a mammoth and a mom who’s a giraffe, but still, tall girls needs love. We are built of limbs that are yearning for attention (or something pathetic like that, which we say to get attention). So love us. Here’s why.
Tall girls aren’t annoying.
We don’t pretend to act cute and say shit like, “Oh, my God, can you please put the blender away on this top shelf? I can’t reach it.” We fucking do it ourselves. We don’t ask for pity when it comes to “less than” jobs that make us feel “feminine” by asking our male counterparts to do. You know what we do? We turn that high-ass ceiling fan on ourselves. If we can’t, we grab a ladder because chances are, you can’t do it yourself, either. Tall girls don’t pretend to play helpless because we can honestly do every “manly” thing ourselves. No more “oh, my God, there’s a bug on the ceiling,” because I can get that shit myself.
Fuck heels.
There is nothing more frustrating than a beautiful girl wearing heels downtown, even though she can barely walk in them. She frequently chants, “Hey, babe, slow down!” because no matter how much of a master of heels she is, she can’t quite master the cobblestone like we can in our flats. As she tiptoes along the sewage gates, she wonders to herself, “God, I bet my makeup looks terrible to this boy.” In reality, her makeup looks fine, it’s just her terrible, wobbily, “I’m only pretending to be sexy in these heels” demeanor that gives her away. See, tall girls don’t have to wear heels because we are already the desired height that every bitch in heels wants to have. We can get away with wearing comfortable flats that still look sexy as hell on a night out, because our legs literally go on for miles. Okay, maybe not miles. But, like, a mile and a half.
We’re independent.
Tall girls grew up in a world where we were treated like the boys we knew. We were looked at and expected to probably play basketball–people must have thought we were super masculine with superb hand-eye coordination. We were expected to know everything about athletics, sports, and handyman work. I mean, just because I’m 6 feet tall, it doesn’t mean I know how to build a house, okay? (False. I know how to build a house, motherfuggas. But that is because it is literally my job.) But tall girls are still just as dainty and feminine as our 5 foot BFFs. We know how to craft, how to cook, and how to gossip. We also know how to do so much more, like turn on ceiling fans, but it really has nothing to with our height. However, society has taught us to be independent and masculine because we are built like men. We took that to our advantage and learned independence–AKA we don’t except an “I’m sorry” text when you don’t respond to us every hour on the hour.
We look good in literally everything.
I can’t say this one about myself because I definitely don’t look good in everything, but tall girls tend to be what fashion aims for: long fucking limbs. Talls girls make a dress look flawless and a pair of pants go on for miles. I mean, it’s not coincidence that the average model is at least 5 foot 8. And I don’t even consider that to be very tall. The fashion industry believes that tall girls are, like, the way of the future of something, so clothing is catered toward us. Why question it when you can just live it? Embrace the clothing those mannequins wear, because that, tall girl, is you in plastic form.
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Topanga
Topanga is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems. Lover of red wine, mediocre gossip, and Corey's whipped ass.
@TopangaPGP
When a tall girl gains 5 lbs it’s much less noticeable.
Also, tall girls are extremely easy to approach and talk to. For some stupid reason, they all intimidate every guy that’s shorter than them, and so the really tall ones basically never get hit on. It’s like shooting 6′ tall fish in a barrel
I second this ^^^. As a guy that’s 6’3″, tall girls open up a group of candidates that are untapped by shorter guys. Hi. You’re tall, I’m tall; let’s do it.
“And if you’re lucky, I may even go up on you!”
Thank you! I am 5’10 and I agree on every point.
The only drawback about the heels thing is that heels are hot and make your legs and butt look fantastic….. yet when I wear them I am about 6’3 and feel freakish.
As you should.
As a 6’5″ male, all of this is entirely on point. Why I subjected myself to <5'10" gremlins for years is beyond my understanding.
You free later?
This is America. What the hell do you think?
Yeah but really it’s because if I marry one my kids will have a better chance at being good at sports.
I’ll never understand why tall girls wear heels. What are you trying to do? Whisper to God?
I’d pump a baby into a tall girl.
Tall girls can be plenty annoying, just over different things
Being tall does not automatically make you attractive.