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Walk into the Low T center like you own the place because you do own the place, along with three other commercial real estate properties.
“Certified pre-owned? What am I, poor?”
Pull out game: strong.
Unplanned pregnancy nest egg: also strong.
Putting serious thought into the cost-benefit analysis of marriage and children vs. a boat and lake house.
Thinking about adopting, mostly for tax purposes.
“Tell me how much money you think I make.”
JO rag by Neiman Marcus.
Having a 401(k) that exceeds most of your friends’ home values and openly telling them about it.
Tell your married friends that Dave Ramsey “doesn’t know shit.”
Crushing loneliness? Not when you have a 72-inch curved 4K ultra HD TV. It’s like people are actually in your home.
Quell all the rumors about your sexual orientation by having old ‘90s Corona and Bud Dry posters matted and framed all over your condo.
Own a condo.
When someone asks you what you did over the weekend, answer “Just big baller shit,” even though you ate takeout for every meal and got zero matches on Bumble.
Drunkenly text “what do u say we give it another shot” to your ex who got married three years ago.
Spend so much time alone that you convince yourself that your house is haunted and hire ghost hunters to conduct a proper investigation.
Bring a new date to every progressive dinner party.
The “not again” eyeroll when your mom brings up grandkids.
Ask your neighbors how much their new nursery cost before driving off in your brand new Club Car.
Throw a dinner party and end it with a full-on slideshow of your three-week long European sex and drug vacation.
“I’m not crying, I think I’m just allergic to Nappa leather.” .
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Before anyone asks, I’m fine. I’m fine, guys.
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Love the beer posters one. I recently moved to Boy’s Town in Chicago. I’ve never been in a seriously relationship and now my Grandma thinks I’m more gay than she did before the move.
Anyone with any European sex and drug vacation experience care to help me organize a trip?
Drugs and sex are expensive in Europe, South America and South East Asia are where its at. Ballin on a budget.
Name check out
> …convince yourself that your house is haunted and hire ghost hunters to conduct a proper investigation.
“No ghosts, eh? Well, I just had to be sure. Oh, hey, I just stocked the kegerator with the summer ale from that new microbrewery south of town — you guys wanna chill? Maybe power up the Switch and get in a few rounds of Mario Kart action on my 72-inch curved 4K ultra HD TV? Please don’t leave. I’m not sure I can handle another night of being alone.”
ectoplasm everywhere, it was a spooky ghost
I don’t mind my co-workers and family thinking I might be gay means I have good style and solid taste in brunch. Every time someone asks whether I’m straight or gay my favorite response is: “When a bear is hungry it eats.”
How often do people ask if you’re gay or straight?
Once a week when I wear my white pants.
10/21 and four years to make up the rest. No problem.
Being single and 30 isn’t so bad, you can do so much without having to think of other people and of the loneliness takes complete control of your life, you can always pull the biggest Irish Goodbye without having to feel bad about leaving ppl behind before doing it!
Wow, took me a minute to get that. Love the dark humor. 10 points. to Gryffindor
I went with a projector and 100″ screen instead. It’s like having friends, but they’re bigger than life on the projector.
Strangely that did not dissuade my mom’s grandbaby fever when she came to visit.
How’s the porn on that?
I laughed, I cried, I reevaluated my life and elected to change nothing at all. I fancy the garage beer flag myself: “To hell with your mountains, show me your Busch!” The family really appreciates it when they visit.
I actually feel a lot better about being single now