21 Power Moves You Can Pull At Thanksgiving This Year

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1. Whip around and say, “Who you callin’ turkey?” anytime someone mentions turkey and laugh because that joke LANDS.
2. Sneak up behind your girlfriend and ask her if she got enough stuffing.
3. “Yeah, I laid two large on the Lions about 30 minutes ago.”
4. Get drunk enough to the point where you feel comfortable enough to pitch your startup idea to your super rich uncle.
5. Get a good stretch in before sitting down to eat.
6. “Just need San Fran to cover to hit my parlay.”
7. Tell all of your nieces and nephews that they’re getting an XBox from Santa while shooting a sly grin at your brother-in-law.
8. “Black Friday? What am I, poor?”
9. Just like last year, and the year before that, commandeer mashed potato duty.
10. Feast upon a turkey leg and laugh at the peasants who were stuck with paltry, dry white meat.
11. Ask, “Don’t we have people for that?” when someone asks you to help with the dishes.
12. You’re not drunk enough until someone asks you how drunk you are.
13. Tell your single, 30-year-old cousin that you can talk to your guy at eHarmony for her if she wants.
14. Give your youngest cousin five dollars and tell him to pull your car around.
15. Take your girlfriend on a tour of your parents’ basement. “Lots of memories down here…”
16. Accuse your Uncle Jerry of point shaving during the family football game.
17. Make an uncomfortable amount of references to your girlfriend’s pie.
18. “You can put this gravy on ANYTHING! Right, honey?”
19. Ask your brother-in-law how “that whole parenting thing” is going.
20. Help your high school aged cousin figure out Tinder.
21. Take up an entire couch by yourself for your post-dinner nap..

Editor’s note: All of these will get you written out of every will in the family.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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